MIL wanted grandson not granddaughter

[cornflakebrownie]

Name changed for this but am a long-time user. DH and I have two gorgeous DDs and to our surprise and delight are now expecting (in our 40s) our third child. Everything is going well with the pregnancy and yesterday at 20-week scan we found out all being well we’ve got another healthy girl on the way.

MIL has told my husband a couple of times earlier in the pregnancy that it would be nice if it was a boy. She says FIL also wants a grandson. This disappointed me but a few people had said similar given we have two girls already, so I just shrugged it off.

Then today DH called MIL to tell her our news and she told him “it would have been nice if it was a boy”. I can’t believe she’s still saying this now we actually know it’s a healthy girl.

I feel really sad and angry. DH says I’m overreacting. So as not to drip feed, we’ve had a few issues generally with MIL and FIL over the last few years, with them rarely coming to see the girls, we always have to go to them. There’s also been some financial troubles in their family, which have impacted us, but DH is very loyal and wants to keep up our weekly video chats with his mum.

Am I wrong to feel so pissed off?

"Why does it matter, you barely see the kids anyways so I'm not sure what us having a son would change"

I get you OP.

My Xmil was the same. I had 3 daughters with her son - XH. Each time she'd ask me what i wanted and each time i'd say if i could chose i'd have a/nother girl. She'd then spend about 20 mins telling me how much she was soooooo glad she didn't have any daughters (she had 3 sons). Yeah ok MIL 🙄

It was pretty obvious what was going on. The green eyed monster.

When we rang to tell her about DD3's birth she actually said ''oh ... sigh ... never mind'' 😯

After listening to her bang on about boys I just used to tell her how thrilled i was that it was another girl and snuggle into my newborn

(i've got 4 now! 😊 Another girl with 2nd DH)

It's rude of her OP. Take no notice.

I can only suggest you completely ignore these remarks OP and tell MIL you'd really rather not hear about her disappointment in your child/children.

Children are children and whether they're male or female, they will very likely not slot into some imagined sex related personality. They will have their own personalities and all should be viewed equally.

I've never understood this disappointment over the sex of a baby.

I can only assume that people who feel like that have invested the said baby with certain attributes that may very well not be fulfilled as the child grows - so more disappointment - unless of course, there is some intrinsic value in a child with a penis (in this case) over one without.

All I ever wanted when my children were born was a healthy baby. I assumed everyone else in the family just wanted the same.

I would smile, wave then ignore her. Certainly wouldn't be rushing to visit her, dh can take the elder dds if he wants.

I just can’t fathom being disappointed in the sex of a precious grandchild. A grandchild is a grandchild, to be loved and cherished.

My MIL was the same.
She had one son, no other children.
When we got pregnant the first time she said she wanted a boy. Along came ds.
The second time she declared she wanted a boy…again…..along came twin dss .
Yes it’s upsetting that family aren’t overjoyed for you. But MIL didn’t give a Sh.. about the boys, ever.
But as we told her you don’t get to chose.

As an aside an elderly lady in a cafe stopped me as I was leaving with my dh and 3 ds s. She said, “what a shame you couldn’t have a girl!”

A complete stranger!

Why do people feel entitled to be so rude.

I would just let it go. People say some strange things at times without really thinking how it sounds. I'm on the other side, I have 4 sons and often in the past
when folk would ask if I had children, on telling them.of my 4 sons, the reply was often, usually from elderly ladies: "oh that's a shame!"
I wouldn't say it really bothered me, there was buggar all I could do about it, and I was just happy I had 4 healthy children, which not everyone is lucky enough to get x

I’ve just found out we are going to become grandparents again for the seventh time with baby due on Christmas Day( praying all goes well) and we couldn’t care less if it’s a boy or girl, same for our son and daughter in law.
It’s just a little miracle under construction and we are so happy and blessed.

That would annoy me too OP. It's as if she's suggesting you've deliberately chosen another girl and, even if you had, that's absolutely none of her business.

I agree with a PP. It's a good thing it is another girl as otherwise your elder two wouldn't get a look in once baby arrives.

Congratulations on your new baby OP - ignore MIL - she's just a misery or jealous.

Tell DH you don’t want to know what DMIL says/said - why did he tell you?

Congratulations on your lovely news!

So my mother hates men, says they’re only after one thing, thinks they’re all drunks / violent / generally not worth being around, blah blah blah.

Back many years now when I was pregnant she actually said that “No, you’re having a girl. Boys are just [screwed up face, made a phew phew yeuch disgusted spitting sound] nasty. Eww no, you’re not having a boy”.

I knew I was expecting a boy, I was disgusted at her comment and bit back my anger (more fool me).

She shows very minimal interest in my son which is her huge loss.

My goodness- “ Another Bitch?” That’s seriously rude and awful.

People seem to want one of each sex- If people have two boys they yearn for a girl -
But it’s the personality that counts.
Some boys are nightmares, as are some girls
it’s a lottery as to what one gets!
Siblings have completely different personalities.

Blows my mind because I have 4 sisters and we are all so different. It's not like people are different or similar because of their sex. I don't know what she thinks/expects a relationship with a Grandson would be like Vs a Granddaughter. It will depend on the child's personality and hers after all.

If she says anything directly to you about it I'd be tempted to point out that it's down to DH that it isn't a boy as he clearly isn't making boy sperm.

I know! She said it in a jokey way but you know when someone hides the truth behind a joke. It was one of those moments.

Yeah you’re absolutely right. I think it’s more of a ‘I wonder how things would be if I had a child of a different sex.’ If my son turned out to be a girl, I may have wondered how our life experiences would be having one of each.

Saying that though, my uncle has just had his fourth son and he has absolutely no interest in having a daughter at all😅 I guess it just depends on the person and their curiosity/desires

Congratulations. Ignore her, if she wants a boy she can have another baby herself. Otherwise she can wind her neck in.

This is my view as well. I made it very clear when pregnant with DC 2 that a second boy would never be a disappointment in any way - basically warned them off making any comments, or at least in my hearing. I would not allow anyone to see my child who had suggested they were a disappointment.

Haha well said

We had this with both DDs, their Grandma just couldn't let go of the topic. DH, her only child, was named after his father and she actually suggested we should name our hypothetical son the same...an awful name much hated by DH!

Honestly, just let it go. Your MIL sounds daft rather than malicious, like many people. My MIL adored her grand daughters and they her.

I would be sorely tempted to point out to her it's her son's fault/responsiblity, since he provided the sperm that determined the sex of the baby.

You are right to be pissed off. Take a big step back from her and let her son deal with her

How lovely, having three the same is fabulous. I love having a little horde and it makes it so much easier for the practical side.

Anyway, I'd call her out on it once and see what she's like once baby is here. My mum made comments like this and was great after. Hopefully she will be too.