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Original poster

MIL wanted grandson not granddaughter

191 replies

cornflakebrownie · 24/05/2023 13:44

Name changed for this but am a long-time user. DH and I have two gorgeous DDs and to our surprise and delight are now expecting (in our 40s) our third child. Everything is going well with the pregnancy and yesterday at 20-week scan we found out all being well we’ve got another healthy girl on the way.

MIL has told my husband a couple of times earlier in the pregnancy that it would be nice if it was a boy. She says FIL also wants a grandson. This disappointed me but a few people had said similar given we have two girls already, so I just shrugged it off.

Then today DH called MIL to tell her our news and she told him “it would have been nice if it was a boy”. I can’t believe she’s still saying this now we actually know it’s a healthy girl.

I feel really sad and angry. DH says I’m overreacting. So as not to drip feed, we’ve had a few issues generally with MIL and FIL over the last few years, with them rarely coming to see the girls, we always have to go to them. There’s also been some financial troubles in their family, which have impacted us, but DH is very loyal and wants to keep up our weekly video chats with his mum.

Am I wrong to feel so pissed off?

OP posts:
Grammarnut · 26/05/2023 11:51

Nothing to do about it. Ignore MIL - or remind her of the biology of this - the male determines the sex of the child.

Busybutbored · 26/05/2023 12:24

My dad has me and my sister, and a granddaughter from my sister. He was so disappointed when I said I was going to have a boy. Guess who now dotes on my son? Don't worry OP, she'll get over it. I was pissed off too.

LaDamaDeElche · 26/05/2023 13:08

Have you been there during the calls? If not, I'm not sure why your DH keeps telling you knowing it will upset you. It's a stupid thing some people say. If she's been saying it in front of you, that's different and she shouldn't do that, but saying it in a private way to her son could just be one of those comments (albeit insensitive) people make. He is the one upsetting you by repeating it.

Stressybetty · 26/05/2023 14:26

I think historically it was the "producing a son and heir " expectation. Having a boy to carry on the family name, wealth/business and so the surname doesn't die out. Also I'm sure at one time women couldn't inherit, everything went down a male line and or entailed away to a male heir. Still true that the surname can die out. My DM when my DNephew was born said that "girls are all very well but there's something very special about a little boy". I'd already had my DD by then! She was lovely to my DD though. My DB was always very obviously her favourite and treated, spoken about differently.

Mountainpika · 26/05/2023 14:32

A few people sympathised when our second son was born. Why do they assume you want one of each? I was very happy to have sons. I still am, getting on for 50 years later.

Goldbar · 26/05/2023 15:29

Tell her it's OK, there's been a mistake, but you've put in a complaint to the retailer and they're going to dispatch Baby Alexander by post and you have 28 days to return his sister. And the shop are going to include some extra accessories (bib, baby bath etc) for free as an apology for the mix-up, so hopefully that will make your MIL feel better.

Oh wait, it's a real baby not a doll...

eastegg · 26/05/2023 21:40

Wenfy · 24/05/2023 13:56

Gender disappointment is a thing, it happens even to parents, just ignore and enjoy what’s left of your pregnancy. I can’t see how their disappointment impacts you in any way, shape or form.

Really? You can’t see how gps actually expressing their disappointment to the parents might impact them? How about souring the relationship, making the parent worry that the disappointment might show to the child in years to come?

AWhaleSwamBy · 27/05/2023 00:21

LaDamaDeElche · 26/05/2023 13:08

Have you been there during the calls? If not, I'm not sure why your DH keeps telling you knowing it will upset you. It's a stupid thing some people say. If she's been saying it in front of you, that's different and she shouldn't do that, but saying it in a private way to her son could just be one of those comments (albeit insensitive) people make. He is the one upsetting you by repeating it.

That's a good point.

CheekNerveGallAudacityandGumption · 27/05/2023 04:35

In this day and age I don’t know why anyone would still have a boy preference. They give very little ROI compared to daughters, by and large.

Riapia · 27/05/2023 05:21

In a few years her granddaughter may decide to become her grandson.
That should cheer her up.
😉😁😁.

SallyWD · 27/05/2023 08:48

CheekNerveGallAudacityandGumption · 27/05/2023 04:35

In this day and age I don’t know why anyone would still have a boy preference. They give very little ROI compared to daughters, by and large.

Fine, people shouldn't prefer a boy over a girl but to say boys give very little ROI compared to girls is extremely unfair - and wrong! I have one of each and it's ridiculous to say I get more ROI from DD. I know plenty of grown men who are still very close to their parents too - including my DH and my brothers.

LT2 · 27/05/2023 11:19

CheekNerveGallAudacityandGumption · 27/05/2023 04:35

In this day and age I don’t know why anyone would still have a boy preference. They give very little ROI compared to daughters, by and large.

I don't understand how anyone can have either preference. Sounds like you have a preference for girls over a very generalised and selfish thing!

LT2 · 27/05/2023 11:20

SallyWD · 27/05/2023 08:48

Fine, people shouldn't prefer a boy over a girl but to say boys give very little ROI compared to girls is extremely unfair - and wrong! I have one of each and it's ridiculous to say I get more ROI from DD. I know plenty of grown men who are still very close to their parents too - including my DH and my brothers.

Show quote history

Same here! My brother is just as close to our mum as me and my sister are!

CheekNerveGallAudacityandGumption · 27/05/2023 15:45

SallyWD · 27/05/2023 08:48

Fine, people shouldn't prefer a boy over a girl but to say boys give very little ROI compared to girls is extremely unfair - and wrong! I have one of each and it's ridiculous to say I get more ROI from DD. I know plenty of grown men who are still very close to their parents too - including my DH and my brothers.

Show quote history

I’m really pleased to hear this. I think it’s sad when sons go off to uni and you only see them once or twice a year once they start their careers and/or get married. Thinking of the men I’ve known down the years. The only male friends I have who are close to their parents are gay, the straight ones all buggered off!

SaponificationQueen · 27/05/2023 16:05

Riapia · 27/05/2023 05:21

In a few years her granddaughter may decide to become her grandson.
That should cheer her up.
😉😁😁.

@Riapia That cracked me up when I read it. Thanks for the laugh!

Mischance · 27/05/2023 16:06

Well tough shit MIL !!

I cannot begin to express what a delight my DD3 is.

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