Friend treating my children differently

[Ilovepugs2017]

A friend of mine who doesn’t live locally to me treats my children differently and I’m not quite sure how to approach it.

I have two boys and a girl and she seems to favour the girl 👧 as we live a fair distance from each other we always send little gifts to each other now and again and she usually sends something for my little girl but now for the boys.

same with their birthdays, she made the effort to buy my little girl a gift but again not the boys.

I have politely said that whilst my little girl appreciates the gifts the boys feel left out but she’s still doing it. How else can I approach this? I feel like she’s not getting the message. I don’t want to hurt her feelings but I believe all my children should be treated the same

I haven't read all the responses (mostly because I couldn't believe the number of people who seemed to be able to justify the blatant favouritism), but just thought I'd make two points:

1. People saying 'she probably just enjoys having a girl to spoil, she doesn't get to do it with her son' - children aren't there to meet the needs of an adult, it's irrelevant if she 'enjoys' it or not.

1. People saying how some people naturally form relationships with certain people, or how it's okay outside of close family if children aren't all treated the same - we are talking about an adult and a child, there's a power imbalance there that makes those statements irrelevant too: two 5 years olds, go ahead and be friends with who you want for whatever reasons you want, but not adults (where the friendship is actually with the parent anyway!)

I can't fathom ever doing this (but then I can't fathom people who only buy for their godchildren and not the siblings either - if someone asks me to be their child's godparent, I'm going to assume we're close enough that I'd buy a gift for all their children).

@Tandora - treated differently, yes; at the wrong of end of blatant favouritism towards their sister, no.

I was with you until you said the boys are 10 and 12?! You're coddling them OP. They should be able to get over their sister half their age getting little "girly" presents from your friend.

You've been rude to your friend. She was doing a nice thing for your DD. She probably thought that as your boys are older, like her son, that they wouldn't care. But that your DD would be delighted.

I can understand if they were the same age, but really you've made a mountain out of a molehill here.

I'd send the present back everytime she'll soon get the message

@SnackQueen

This - fgs the dramatics 🙄😂

@Ladyfrog59

I am presuming this is not for real

I can see both sides.
you have 3 children and want them treated the same, showered she only has one child and probably doesn’t see the issue, she may also think you buy for her only child, so she just buys for your youngest. - the older boys being quite a lot older and probably old enough to understand that the 5 year old gets gifts because let’s face it 5 year old girls are easier and cheaper to buy for than pre teen boys!
I can see both sides, I was one of 4 growing up, my brother who is MUSH younger than us other 3 siblings had things we never had, for one my mum learnt to drive when I was 16….. so was able to take him places that we would never have dreamt of going without a lengthy bus ride…. Also once the elder 2 moved out and I was paying rent, they had much more money to do things with little bro that they simply couldn’t have afforded with 4…. It’s life!
I only have 1 child and do find people with more than 1 quite cheeky (not you necessarily)….. but for example….. my friend has 2 children…. Oldest is 21, other is 17…. I have bought presents, Easter eggs etc for both children for all their lives!
She only has to buy for 1…. This Easter I turned up with massive eggs for each child and stood chatting for 20 minutes…. My friend only came to the door when I asked whether she was home and didn’t give my DC an egg! I felt like a complete mug!!
I’ve other friends that I’ve bought for their kids for their entire life’s and now they’ve suddenly just started sending a ‘happy birthday’ text - no card, present - nothing… so while their kids have had Christmas/Easter/birthday money for 16 years each they just stopped my DC aged 10!
cheekiest of all is the in-laws who we sent to for years before having our own child - and they have literally never sent so much as a card to our DC (their niece!) yet we were sending to FOUR children… 3 of which are BIL’s step children so not even related to my ex husband or my DC… needless to say after my DC was born I stopped sending cards and presents too…
Ive babysat so many times over the years - taken nieces and nephews for amazing days out places, done school pick ups when my siblings couldn’t…. Guess how many times a friend or sibling has babysat or taken my DC out in almost 13 years?!?!

I think you either tell friend that as it’s upsetting your sons you’d like to stop buying gifts now for her son and for her to stop buying for your DD… OR you gracefully except the gifts for your DD & you tell your boys that DD gets gifts because she’s easier and cheaper to buy for at the age and that you expect once she’s their age the gifts would’ve long ceased arriving!

She sounds weird to me and a bit thick.

I used to do this for my neice a lot. Would go shopping, see something, and buy it for her. It’s harmless.