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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL is trying to call the shots again! This time I said no but AIBU?

250 replies

CrazyDaisy1111 · 23/05/2023 14:33

Inlaws are coming to see us at the end of the week. They're not local so stay nearby. They come every 6-8 weeks roughly. Dc1 is in pre school and starts school in September. MIL asked if he could not go to pre school on Friday afternoon they could take him out for the day. I said no because he missed pre school last week because he was ill and he was really upset not to see his friends. Plus, we said to the inlaws that they can be with dc1 in the morning abs will see him after pre school. We're all meant to be going out to dinner together on Friday too. Then there's Saturday and Sunday to see him before they go home. Also, we have dc2 (baby) and my husband who will both be around on Friday afternoon so they can spend time with them. Luckily I'll be at work otherwise it will be inlaw overload 😉

MIL was really off on the phone when we said no to her and sent me a message saying how disappointed she was. She said that I had previously she it was ok for him yo miss a day off preschool but that was a few months ago and things have changed for dc1. I explained that I felt it was for the best interests of dc1 to go to preschool as he loves it so much. Plus he needs that structure after being off last week and we have half term next week. She couldn't see that. Dc1 also has SEN and can't have too much over stimulation and hype (which inlaws do) so pre school will break that up too I feel.

So was I being unreasonable or was I right to say no? This has happened so often before. MIL likes to dictate but I feel like we're dcs parents, not her.

OP posts:
Original poster
CrazyDaisy1111 · 23/05/2023 14:35

Apologies for all my typos!!

OP posts:
TeaKitten · 23/05/2023 14:37

Can’t they just come a week later then it’s half term anyway and everyone’s happy?

DiIIy · 23/05/2023 14:40

It's obviously your choice and you know your child best. I'd have let them stay off.

Nicknacky · 23/05/2023 14:41

Once he is in school they won’t get the opportunity to do this so I would also have let them take him out for the day.

2chocolateoranges · 23/05/2023 14:42

Is let him miss pre school. Its only one day. Time with family is precious.

Sisisimone · 23/05/2023 14:43

I would definitely have kept him off. Of course they will be disappointed, they want to see as much as their gc while they can. It just sounds like you're deliberately being awkward tbh.

TeaKitten · 23/05/2023 14:43

I’d probably have let them take him out too by the way, it’s one day. From the way you’ve talked about the MIL it sounds like you were mostly wanting to just call the shots to be honest, she only asked.

DiIIy · 23/05/2023 14:44

Yeah I think it sounds like you just wanted it to be on your terms more than anything, sorry!

Toottooot · 23/05/2023 14:44

You clearly dinna like them do you?

bluebeck · 23/05/2023 14:44

YANBU.

It is your decision as parents. MIL over excites him, she can spend quality time with her other GC 1:1

loobylou10 · 23/05/2023 14:45

Can't wait til I'm a MIL - everyone on here loves them (and seems to look for reasons to be offended by them!)

Lilacsparkles · 23/05/2023 14:46

I’m surprised at the responses. It sounds like he’s literally only in pre school in the afternoon so what, a few hours? And they’re going to see him in the morning, evening and all Saturday and Sunday. My kids are always better if they keep to their routine and its not helpful if they think they can pick and choose when they go to something like pre school. Of course he should have the chance to see his friends while in laws spend time with their son and youngest child. Perfectly reasonable of you.

Lightsgoingout · 23/05/2023 14:46

It’s your child and your decision but I would have kept them off preschool. But not my child

Gingerwriggle · 23/05/2023 14:47

Depends on the SEN. If you know this will be stressful for your DC, YANBU for doing what's best for them.
If you're doing it to prove a point though, YABU.
Either way, MIL is being a bit unreasonable to express how disappointed she is by text. Your DC, so she should have just shrugged and accepted it. Smacks of guilt trip / manipulation. Difficult to be sure though without knowing more about how she usually behaves.

MoistPickyBits · 23/05/2023 14:48

Lilacsparkles · 23/05/2023 14:46

I’m surprised at the responses. It sounds like he’s literally only in pre school in the afternoon so what, a few hours? And they’re going to see him in the morning, evening and all Saturday and Sunday. My kids are always better if they keep to their routine and its not helpful if they think they can pick and choose when they go to something like pre school. Of course he should have the chance to see his friends while in laws spend time with their son and youngest child. Perfectly reasonable of you.

100% agree. YANBU

Fillyfrog · 23/05/2023 14:48

It sounds more like you wanted to call the shots. Is his preschool just in the afternoon? With you saying they can be with him in the morning? So he will miss just a few hours? I would ask him whether he wanted to go to nursery or go out with his grandparents, I'm assuming he likes them.

Wnikat · 23/05/2023 14:48

@loobylou10 I think when we become MiLs we should just politely disappear into thin air to avoid doing the wrong thing. Apart from when we’re needed for childcare when we should briefly reappear but only to follow all instructions to the letter and ideally not speak.

EnjoyingTheSilence · 23/05/2023 14:49

I think I’d tell her that he’s now unavailable in the morning and you’ll see them all after school.

If she continues to push, just push her back further. She’ll eventually get the message

Original poster
CrazyDaisy1111 · 23/05/2023 14:50

Lilacsparkles · 23/05/2023 14:46

I’m surprised at the responses. It sounds like he’s literally only in pre school in the afternoon so what, a few hours? And they’re going to see him in the morning, evening and all Saturday and Sunday. My kids are always better if they keep to their routine and its not helpful if they think they can pick and choose when they go to something like pre school. Of course he should have the chance to see his friends while in laws spend time with their son and youngest child. Perfectly reasonable of you.

@Lilacsparkles you're right. It's literally 3 hours. We said they could drop him off and collect him I they wanted to which he'd absolutely love. They will be with him all Friday morning and Friday evening. They wanted to take him out on Saturday which is fine and they'll see him Sunday too. Plus, yes, they have another gc to spend time with.

OP posts:
LiarLiarKnickersAblaze · 23/05/2023 14:50

I agree with you OP. School, even pre-school is important, part of your child’s weekly structure and a senses should be for serious reasons. Education is important and having a poor attitude to it now is a slippery slope. As you’ve rightly said, they have other opportunities to take him on day trips.

LiarLiarKnickersAblaze · 23/05/2023 14:50

*absences not a senses!

CaptainMyCaptain · 23/05/2023 14:51

YANBU stick to your decision.

Bonbon21 · 23/05/2023 14:52

You know your child best.. you are the parents... your decision.
Huffy mil can suck it up.
Set the pattern YOU want going forward.

Original poster
CrazyDaisy1111 · 23/05/2023 14:52

Fillyfrog · 23/05/2023 14:48

It sounds more like you wanted to call the shots. Is his preschool just in the afternoon? With you saying they can be with him in the morning? So he will miss just a few hours? I would ask him whether he wanted to go to nursery or go out with his grandparents, I'm assuming he likes them.

@Fillyfrog he wants to go to nursery. He was so upset when he was ill last week and couldn't go.

OP posts:
EnjoyingTheSilence · 23/05/2023 14:52

@Wnikat dont be so ridiculous. MIL made a request, OP didn’t give the answer she wanted and MIL is now having a tantrum. She has the rest of the weekend to enjoy spending time with her family, she’s the one causing problems here, no one else

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