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AIBU?

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Original poster

To tell new lad this is my room

990 replies

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 23/05/2023 10:20

I know this is ridiculous but its really pissing me off Iv just started seeing someone new and he's been staying over and everything has been going great except I like to sleep with a fan on, the landing light on and the TV or something on my phone for background noise. he hates the fan and tv/phone being on he wants complete darkness and silence and wants to sleep with the window open. Aibu to tell him it's my room so it's tough 💩 how he likes to sleep.

OP posts:
itsmylife7 · 23/05/2023 10:23

Stop the staying overnight. I'd say most people would have issues sleeping with lights and noise.

SunnySaturdayMorning · 23/05/2023 10:23

Well yes it’s your room but prepare for it to be over because this would be a dealbreaker for me.

I couldn’t be doing with all that noise and light while trying to relax and sleep.

isthismylifenow · 23/05/2023 10:24

I know some will come along and say you should probably compromise a bit. etc etc.. BUT my final straw of breaking it off with someone, was because he wanted a tv in MY bedroom and I didn't. It ended up in an argument as he claimed he liked a tv in the bedroom.

So no, YANBU its your bloody bedroom!

He can go home if he wants full darkness and complete silence.

SeasonFinale · 23/05/2023 10:26

He is probably the "normal" one in this situation but I guess the sleepovers will stop when the initial honeymoon period isnover and the relationship unless you have separate rooms

Newyeardietstartstomorrow · 23/05/2023 10:26

I could sleep like that op. We are all different though. You could try a middle ground such as just the fan for white noise and a night light? It's probably best that he doesn't sleep over.

Infusionist · 23/05/2023 10:27

I just wouldn’t stay over with you.

Atishoos · 23/05/2023 10:28

Have a cuddle and do the business, then send him to the sofa with a blackout eye mask for his post coital sleep.

Original poster
Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 23/05/2023 10:28

I thought it was quite normal to sleep with a landing or hallway light on I thought most people did this

OP posts:
OhTinyBear · 23/05/2023 10:29

It depends what you want from a relationship. If you want normal things like staying over, eventually moving in together, etc., then you’re incompatible, so you might as well do yourself a favour and recognise that and end it now. He’s not going to start sleeping in a noisy room with lights on for you, if he can’t sleep with lights and noise.

If you just want someone to hang out with during the day and don’t want to make plans to share your life with, then keep seeing him. But sleeping conditions aren’t something that someone can reasonably be expected to change. You can’t sleep in dark and quiet, he can’t sleep in light and noise.

FloweryName · 23/05/2023 10:29

If you want a relationship that continues with this person then you are going to need to compromise. His way of sleeping is more normal for an adult than yours.

Theroad · 23/05/2023 10:29

You will have to come to some compromise or accept you can never sleep with someone overnight unless they are willing to wear ear buds/a mask.

Very few people would be able to sleep in those conditions - why do you need all that? Are you afraid of the dark or something?! Can't you put music in some headphones or something?

HoldingTheDoor · 23/05/2023 10:30

I thought it was quite normal to sleep with a landing or hallway light on I thought most people did this

They don't.

StepAwayFromGoogling · 23/05/2023 10:30

How in god's name do you ever sleep?! I like a bit of white noise but a fan, a TV on AND the light?! I mean, I think YABU but it's your room at the end of the day. Don't you ever stay at his?

Theroad · 23/05/2023 10:30

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 23/05/2023 10:28

I thought it was quite normal to sleep with a landing or hallway light on I thought most people did this

Many children need this but I've never heard of an adult needing it? How old are you?

LateAF · 23/05/2023 10:31

I could probably accept the light and put a sleep mask on, but the noise? If my new partner insisted on our sleeping with the TV blaring it would be over, their house or not.

It’s definitely not the norm to have lights and sounds on overnight when everyone is sleeping. Why don’t you invest in one of those comfy sleep band headphones - I have one to listen to podcasts in bed while my husband is sleeping.

cpphelp · 23/05/2023 10:31

Hahahahaha! I'd LOVE it if my husband was happy with a fan on all night, he'd love it if I was happy with thunderstorm sounds on all night.
No lights though for either of us.

We have both as we compromise, he'll get used to it if he's willing to!

dariane · 23/05/2023 10:32

Some people have one of those movement lights in the hall but most wouldn't keep the light on (or tv and a fan) I couldn't sleep with noise and light.

TheMoops · 23/05/2023 10:32

Oh my goodness.... I just couldn't sleep in the same room as you! All that light and noise!!

It's your house so your choice but be prepared for your new partner to not want to stay over 🤷🏼‍♀️

cpphelp · 23/05/2023 10:32

I also love the window open wide ever when it's freezing cold, and I still want the ceiling fan on

Original poster
Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 23/05/2023 10:32

Theroad · 23/05/2023 10:29

You will have to come to some compromise or accept you can never sleep with someone overnight unless they are willing to wear ear buds/a mask.

Very few people would be able to sleep in those conditions - why do you need all that? Are you afraid of the dark or something?! Can't you put music in some headphones or something?

It's never been a problem with exs in the past put the sleep timer on the telly so it's not on all night just until i fall asleep and the light being on in the hallway doesn't normally bother people i thought most people especially people with kids did this.

OP posts:
MorrisZapp · 23/05/2023 10:33

My DP is boring as hell but I'm happy with him because he doesn't mind a reading lamp on at night 😊

SunnySaturdayMorning · 23/05/2023 10:33

No, most people do not sleep with light or noise.

LateAF · 23/05/2023 10:34

LateAF · 23/05/2023 10:31

I could probably accept the light and put a sleep mask on, but the noise? If my new partner insisted on our sleeping with the TV blaring it would be over, their house or not.

It’s definitely not the norm to have lights and sounds on overnight when everyone is sleeping. Why don’t you invest in one of those comfy sleep band headphones - I have one to listen to podcasts in bed while my husband is sleeping.

These are the sleep headphones I got- I use them for making calls while cleaning the house, exercising and listening to stuff in bed since I’m a side sleeper and regular headphones are uncomfortable:

https://www.snoozeband.co.uk/?sca_ref=3094440.olSgW2NLBU

SnoozeBand™

The world's most comfortable headphones, designed to improve your sleep.

https://www.snoozeband.co.uk/?sca_ref=3094440.olSgW2NLBU

HoldingTheDoor · 23/05/2023 10:35

It's never been a problem with exs in the past put the sleep timer on the telly so it's not on all night just until i fall asleep and the light being on in the hallway doesn't normally bother people i thought most people especially people with kids did this.

Kids might, if they're scared of the dark. That's not that uncommon but I've never known adults to do so.

EVHead · 23/05/2023 10:35

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 23/05/2023 10:32

It's never been a problem with exs in the past put the sleep timer on the telly so it's not on all night just until i fall asleep and the light being on in the hallway doesn't normally bother people i thought most people especially people with kids did this.

Show quote history

No, people don’t sleep with the landing light on. When DD was little we had the motion sensor lights on the landing.