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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell new lad this is my room

990 replies

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 23/05/2023 10:20

I know this is ridiculous but its really pissing me off Iv just started seeing someone new and he's been staying over and everything has been going great except I like to sleep with a fan on, the landing light on and the TV or something on my phone for background noise. he hates the fan and tv/phone being on he wants complete darkness and silence and wants to sleep with the window open. Aibu to tell him it's my room so it's tough 💩 how he likes to sleep.

OP posts:
Workawayxx · 23/05/2023 10:52

I don't think either of your are wrong in your preferences (although he should not be insisting on anything in your home) but it sounds like you could be incompatible sleepers which could cause issues in the long run. My ex liked to watch TV before falling asleep and another ex would put some sound on his phone on as he had tinnitus and found that helped. Could you compromise on some sort of white noise?

FourFoxSake · 23/05/2023 10:53

42% of UK adults sleep with a light on and most of those leave a hallway light on, so it's clearly not that odd.

It's not for me and I would struggle to slleep in those conditions. I think you're fine to insist on having your room as you like it but may need to accept this means he will never sleep over, may prefer to sleep in a guest room (if available) and may prefer to break off the relationship altogether.

AnarchoTyrannosaurus · 23/05/2023 10:53

How can you sleep with the lights and TV on? It doesn't sound very restful.

BadNomad · 23/05/2023 10:54

This relationship isn't going to go far if you can't even sleep comfortably in the same room together.

Arslicher · 23/05/2023 10:54

@Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy I'm assuming you have had boyfriends before - has none of them commented on your nocturnal habits? I'm another one who sleeps in the pitch dark with no noise...

Daisiesunderblueskies · 23/05/2023 10:54

I have tinnitus and a fan saves me from sleepless nights. I’m single so no issues on other people’s thoughts on my sleeping habits but I would consider a white noise machine or similar if it bothered potential future partners. I’d still have to have something though for my own sanity and to get some sleep!

FourFoxSake · 23/05/2023 10:54

FourFoxSake · 23/05/2023 10:53

42% of UK adults sleep with a light on and most of those leave a hallway light on, so it's clearly not that odd.

It's not for me and I would struggle to slleep in those conditions. I think you're fine to insist on having your room as you like it but may need to accept this means he will never sleep over, may prefer to sleep in a guest room (if available) and may prefer to break off the relationship altogether.

A diffeent study found that number to be even higher (49%)

LaDamaDeElche · 23/05/2023 10:55

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 23/05/2023 10:28

I thought it was quite normal to sleep with a landing or hallway light on I thought most people did this

No, it really isn't.

LittleLegsKeepGoing · 23/05/2023 10:55

YANBU because it's your space - but it probably means you aren't long term compatible if one of you needs to compromise so heavily on what environment you sleep in.

luckylavender · 23/05/2023 10:55

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 23/05/2023 10:28

I thought it was quite normal to sleep with a landing or hallway light on I thought most people did this

I couldn't sleep like that but each to his own

Original poster
Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 23/05/2023 10:55

FourFoxSake · 23/05/2023 10:53

42% of UK adults sleep with a light on and most of those leave a hallway light on, so it's clearly not that odd.

It's not for me and I would struggle to slleep in those conditions. I think you're fine to insist on having your room as you like it but may need to accept this means he will never sleep over, may prefer to sleep in a guest room (if available) and may prefer to break off the relationship altogether.

Thankyou for that statistic I was really confused by the comments on here as its never been a problem with exs in the past so I really didn't think it was that weird

OP posts:
Bargellobitch · 23/05/2023 10:56

I can't sleep well with lights on so I wouldn't like this. But it your home so your rules! If he doesn't like it he can not stay over as an option!

WhatATimeToBeAlive · 23/05/2023 10:57

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 23/05/2023 10:28

I thought it was quite normal to sleep with a landing or hallway light on I thought most people did this

Only if you're 5 years old.

Ladybrrrd · 23/05/2023 10:57

I like (but don't need) the hall light on and door cracked, particularly when DH isn't around. Feels more secure I guess. I also like the fan on low.

However have had to find a compromise so have the window open and a touch light in the hall for if I need to pee. Also an alarm clock with lit up numbers. DH has sleep headphones.

You're going to have to meet in the middle.

beetr00 · 23/05/2023 10:57

nightlight in hall and earplugs for him 🙂

Talia99 · 23/05/2023 10:57

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 23/05/2023 10:28

I thought it was quite normal to sleep with a landing or hallway light on I thought most people did this

The only people I know who do this have small children who are afraid of the dark

It’s your house and you can do what you like but darkness and quiet are normal. It’s why night shift workers tend to get blackout blinds and earplugs. If I was seriously dating someone who required constant noise and left the lights on all night, I’d be out of there like a shot. If the relationship wasn’t serious (do no suggestion we might ever live together), I’d just arrange to never ever sleep over and/or go on holiday with a shared room.

thecatsmeows · 23/05/2023 10:58

I'm genuinely shocked that people sleep in pitch black houses with no background noise

I have chronic insomnia and can't sleep any other way. Your way sounds like my idea of hell. My boyfriend now sleeps in a separate room when he's here as he was keeping me awake using his mobile when I was trying to get to sleep...the light drove me insane!

EmpressSoleil · 23/05/2023 10:58

I always have the landing light on. I have quite steep stairs and the light switch for the hall is literally at the top step. If I didn't leave the light on I'd tumble down the stairs the first time I needed the loo in the night! I'm clumsy and moreso when half asleep!

I also sleep with portable air con in summer which is about 100 times noisier than a fan. Although I don't like TV noise or music. I'm single and if someone I met couldn't handle those things, well I can't really change them so it would be tough luck!

Cas112 · 23/05/2023 10:58

He will probably end it soon😂

CabbagePatchDole · 23/05/2023 10:58

Surely the lights on, background noise etc are because you are alone? Why would you need to continue that when you have someone staying with you? And it's not very nice for him. Maybe push yourself out of your comfort zone a little and see what happens. Perhaps you could just have some low-volume relaxing music on instead. He might be able to tolerate that. Don't mess up a growing relationship because of this. Very few people can tolerate your current sleeping arrangements.

TheMoops · 23/05/2023 10:58

Yes have you not done something your whole life that you think is completely normal then 26 years later everyone comes along and tells you it's not

But sleeping in dark, quiet conditions isn't unusual.... you must have known that lots of people sleep that way!

Reugny · 23/05/2023 10:58

FourFoxSake · 23/05/2023 10:54

A diffeent study found that number to be even higher (49%)

Show quote history

Doesn't this depend on where people live?

I live in a city and have spent most of my life living in cities/towns so it isn't pitched black at night. So I have no need to sleep with lights on. In fact when the electricity goes off as in the street lights go off I wake up.

loislovesstewie · 23/05/2023 10:59

I think lots of people put a landing light on for their kids, but most adults I know would not do it. Personally I could not sleep with lots of noise, the worse sort of noise for me is actually a sort of monotonous whirring, like a fan. It actually prevents me sleeping.

LakieLady · 23/05/2023 10:59

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 23/05/2023 10:35

I'm genuinely shocked that people sleep in pitch black houses with no background noise

I'm shocked that you can sleep with lights and all that other stuff going on!

I wear earplugs at night, because my neighbours run their washing machine at 5.00 am, it's not mains fed and the water tanks in their house are on the party wall and about 2' from my head. It's like trying to sleep in a water works - gush, gush, gurgle, gurgle for 2 hours (fuck knows how dirty their clothes are that they take 2 hours to wash).

I can't move the bed because the other 3 walls have an alcove or a radiator on and it won't fit.

HoldingTheDoor · 23/05/2023 10:59

Sleeping with a light on is not a healthy habit.

www.washingtonpost.com/wellness/2022/12/01/night-light-bad-sleep/

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