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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell new lad this is my room

990 replies

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 23/05/2023 10:20

I know this is ridiculous but its really pissing me off Iv just started seeing someone new and he's been staying over and everything has been going great except I like to sleep with a fan on, the landing light on and the TV or something on my phone for background noise. he hates the fan and tv/phone being on he wants complete darkness and silence and wants to sleep with the window open. Aibu to tell him it's my room so it's tough 💩 how he likes to sleep.

OP posts:
LadyOfTheCanyon · 23/05/2023 11:10

Blimey you moved on quick!

LakieLady · 23/05/2023 11:10

JesusMaryAndJosephAndTheWeeDon · 23/05/2023 11:05

What really???

It is how most people sleep.

The only time I have come across anything else is people with tiny children who have nightlights.

Lots of people buy blackout blinds so they can have full darkness.

All advice about sleep quality will tell you to avoid artificial lights while sleeping. I can't believe you have never come across the concept of sleeping in darkness.

Noise is a bit different as white noise or sleep sounds can be used to block out disturbing sounds so is a bit more understandable.

Show quote history

I'm considering getting blackout linings for my bedroom because the neighbours opposite have an array of outdoor lights that are practically bright enough for me to read by when they're on, and they're motion triggered, so light up for every cat, fox and hedgehog that wanders by.

PuzzledObserver · 23/05/2023 11:10

No lights on here - we have curtains with blackout linings so that we don’t get woken at dawn. There is just enough light from the digital clock to enable us to find our way to the en-suite during the night, and then sufficient light coming in through the window to find the loo.

We have a nightlight on the landing when visitors stay, because they have to go down a flight of stairs to get to the bathroom, and we don’t want them breaking their necks. The strip of light under the door is very noticeable.

FloralBloomers · 23/05/2023 11:11

I thought it was quite normal to sleep with a landing or hallway light on I thought most people did this

I do. I also have the radio on. I don't like darkness and silence.

Macaroni46 · 23/05/2023 11:11

I broke up with a guy who insisted on having the heating on overnight, had a super king size duvet on a normal double bed (felt like I was trapped), listened to music in headphones all night and had a glass of Diet Coke next to him to sip during the night. He was weird in many other ways but his bedtime habits did largely contribute to my decision.
In your case OP, I think compromise is the answer or accept that you won't be able to spend nights together.

MaidOfSteel · 23/05/2023 11:11

Despite the oddly incredulous replies, there are people who like to leave a hallway light on, or have the company of the radio or telly on while they fall asleep. Me included, especially if my husband is working nights. The telly isn't blaring, as someone described. It's just enough to distract me from the usual creeks & noises. It helps to quiet my over-active mind.

It's your room, OP. What you say, goes.

Original poster
Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 23/05/2023 11:13

MaidOfSteel · 23/05/2023 11:11

Despite the oddly incredulous replies, there are people who like to leave a hallway light on, or have the company of the radio or telly on while they fall asleep. Me included, especially if my husband is working nights. The telly isn't blaring, as someone described. It's just enough to distract me from the usual creeks & noises. It helps to quiet my over-active mind.

It's your room, OP. What you say, goes.

Thankyou

OP posts:
anyolddinosaur · 23/05/2023 11:14

There is concern that artificial light at nightime is bad for your health, it certainly affects melatonin and hence sleep. You can have motion activated lights or a dim nightlight in the hall.

You can try buying him alpine earplugs and a sleep mask but earplugs have a tendency to fall out and sleep masks to come off. You are not compatible.

You are wierd but I've not voted in the poll as in your own home you can be as wierd as you like. Other people dont have to stay if they dont like it though.

SunnySaturdayMorning · 23/05/2023 11:15

Why are you refusing to answer how you came to sleep like that?

And that 42% statistic will be based on a very small sample size so is not reflective of the wider population.

You do you, but it isn’t common.

HoldingTheDoor · 23/05/2023 11:16

Despite the oddly incredulous replies,

The OP is the one who seems stunned to realise that most people do not sleep with lights on and background noise.

CreamTeaThievery · 23/05/2023 11:17

I couldn't sleep like that, I compromise and have the fan on every night as that's what DP likes but it has to be dark. I occasionally listen to rain sounds with headphones when DO is snoring a lot so I would suggest headphones for you and a sleep mask for him but to be honest if you could get used to sleeping in the dark it would be better for your energy bills!

dummymummy123 · 23/05/2023 11:17

I used to go to sleep with the TV on timer. When I met my now DH, he hated it. To compromise I now go to sleep with my tablet & an pillow speaker.

Pandagirl10 · 23/05/2023 11:17

My DP used to have the TV on timer to fall asleep to - for 45/60 minutes. He could (can) fall asleep with it on - but I can't. So I'd lie there wide awake with him fast asleep next to me.
We had to compromise when I moved in

Original poster
Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 23/05/2023 11:19

SunnySaturdayMorning · 23/05/2023 11:15

Why are you refusing to answer how you came to sleep like that?

And that 42% statistic will be based on a very small sample size so is not reflective of the wider population.

You do you, but it isn’t common.

I'm assuming it's because I was repeatedly raped in my bed as a child then got placed in multiple care homes so never felt safe at night so I was purposely avoiding the question so others didn't feel uncomfortable and I thought it would potentially affect people's answers

OP posts:
007DoubleOSeven · 23/05/2023 11:19

I can't believe how judgemental people are being on this thread!

It's really not that unusual for people to need a background light / noise / fan to fall asleep to.

And yes, sleep hygiene may say one thing but if you've slept successfully your whole life with a hallway light on its not going to bother you. She's not sleeping with the main bedroom light on!

Lots and lots of people need background noise to sleep and so many people have tvs in their bedrooms that falling asleep to the TV isn't unheard of.

People need to feel safe to sleep peacefully. These things help - as others have said - to still busy minds, hide strange house noises, and feel safe at home.

Itsdaftasabrushwithnohandle · 23/05/2023 11:19

I am a bit like you OP-however I KNOW it is weird, and for this reason with partners I have always compromised. Most adults like to sleep in the dark, and without noise. I just know this from conversations and having the mick taken out of me over the years.

My long term ex liked it dark but with noise-we'd sleep with the TV turned down low (or sometimes a laptop playing something 'droney').

My partner now likes silence and the dark-so we sleep in silence and the dark because I know It's me who's the odd one here. It has actually got me more used to sleeping that way which I am pleased about.
It may be just what you're used to-habits can be changed.

UsethisUsername · 23/05/2023 11:19

I think having a light, a TV and a fan on is altogether too much. One of those things might be normal but you can't have all three and expect a new partner to tolerate it because it's your space.

Can you compromise so the hall light gets left on and your partner wears an eye mask and you have the TV on for no longer than 30 minutes and instead of a fan open the window?

caringcarer · 23/05/2023 11:20

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 23/05/2023 10:28

I thought it was quite normal to sleep with a landing or hallway light on I thought most people did this

I think most people like quiet and darkness, hence a lot of people buy blackout blinds. Some little children like a hallway light on but I'd not think many adults.

007DoubleOSeven · 23/05/2023 11:20

SunnySaturdayMorning · 23/05/2023 11:15

Why are you refusing to answer how you came to sleep like that?

And that 42% statistic will be based on a very small sample size so is not reflective of the wider population.

You do you, but it isn’t common.

It really shouldn't matter. The fact is that she does.

These responses are starting to veer towards bullying.

Wishawisha · 23/05/2023 11:21

It’s the TV or phone on that I wouldn’t be able to sleep though. A lamp on in the next room meaning it’s not pitch black, fine.

JesusMaryAndJosephAndTheWeeDon · 23/05/2023 11:23

LakieLady · 23/05/2023 11:10

I'm considering getting blackout linings for my bedroom because the neighbours opposite have an array of outdoor lights that are practically bright enough for me to read by when they're on, and they're motion triggered, so light up for every cat, fox and hedgehog that wanders by.

Show quote history

They are brilliant, I have the Dunelm ones to block out the street lamp. Helps regulate the temperature too as they are thermal.

FloofCloud · 23/05/2023 11:24

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 23/05/2023 10:28

I thought it was quite normal to sleep with a landing or hallway light on I thought most people did this

No! Not now I'm grown up! And having the telly on or your phone 😱 your sleep hygiene is dreadful! If I was him I'd be off lol 😆

willWillSmithsmith · 23/05/2023 11:25

Could you have your door almost closed so you get a sliver of light and wear an ear bud to hear music? That seems like a decent compromise.

AdoraBell · 23/05/2023 11:25

I’m the same, any light or noise stops me from sleeping, but it’s your home and room so you chose.

I would stop him staying over and maybe have a conversation.

WindUpPenguin · 23/05/2023 11:26

Well you're going to have to come up with a compromise if you want to continue the relationship... When my husband and I started dating, he used to like falling asleep with the TV on. I could not sleep in that environment. He now falls asleep watching things on his phone with his airpods in. I wear an eye mask to block out the light of the screen as I can't sleep with any lights on. We do have a TV in the bedroom, but we don't fall asleep to it