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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell new lad this is my room

990 replies

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 23/05/2023 10:20

I know this is ridiculous but its really pissing me off Iv just started seeing someone new and he's been staying over and everything has been going great except I like to sleep with a fan on, the landing light on and the TV or something on my phone for background noise. he hates the fan and tv/phone being on he wants complete darkness and silence and wants to sleep with the window open. Aibu to tell him it's my room so it's tough 💩 how he likes to sleep.

OP posts:
Original poster
Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 23/05/2023 10:35

I'm genuinely shocked that people sleep in pitch black houses with no background noise

OP posts:
HappyHealthy23 · 23/05/2023 10:35

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 23/05/2023 10:32

It's never been a problem with exs in the past put the sleep timer on the telly so it's not on all night just until i fall asleep and the light being on in the hallway doesn't normally bother people i thought most people especially people with kids did this.

Show quote history

Where did you get this idea?

007DoubleOSeven · 23/05/2023 10:35

Yanbu but that's a really challenging environment for someone else to try to sleep in and if you want this relationship then you should be sensitive to that.

To that end, could you compromise by turning the tv off and using sleep headphones/headband instead? That would mean you still have the audio input. Likewise he could use a sleep mash.

Shoxfordian · 23/05/2023 10:36

What’s shocking about it op? I wouldn’t be able to sleep with lights on and tv on - I like a dark quiet cool house to sleep in.

LightDrizzle · 23/05/2023 10:36

I couldn’t sleep with the TV on either. I don’t think this will work.

You are right that it’s your home so your rules but it might cause you problems in the future. When you’ve shared with friends ao done sleepovers as a child did everyone agree and manage to sleep with your preferences? I mean in a very drunken hen weekend I could see it working but not for a longer or more sober period.

007DoubleOSeven · 23/05/2023 10:36

Also in your defence I know other people who sleep with the landing light on so you're not weird :)

WheelsUp · 23/05/2023 10:36

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 23/05/2023 10:28

I thought it was quite normal to sleep with a landing or hallway light on I thought most people did this

I think it's common for young children to like this but I only leave a light on if I'm in a hotel just in case I need the loo during the night. I think most people like it dark (hence eye masks being popular)

TrashyPanda · 23/05/2023 10:37

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 23/05/2023 10:28

I thought it was quite normal to sleep with a landing or hallway light on I thought most people did this

Nope, it isn’t

the TV being on would really annoy me. Very intrusive. And I’m hearing impaired and wear hearing aids during the day!

007DoubleOSeven · 23/05/2023 10:37

*sleep mask not mash

JuniperAndTonic · 23/05/2023 10:37

Bot unreasonable as it’s your bedroom and everyone is different but if you want the relationship to continue you’ll need to make a compromise - eye mask for him, headphones for you!

HoldingTheDoor · 23/05/2023 10:38

I'm genuinely shocked that people sleep in pitch black houses with no background noise

Those are generally considered to be the ideal conditions for a good night's sleep.

TrashyPanda · 23/05/2023 10:38

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 23/05/2023 10:35

I'm genuinely shocked that people sleep in pitch black houses with no background noise

Why?

Original poster
Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 23/05/2023 10:38

007DoubleOSeven · 23/05/2023 10:36

Also in your defence I know other people who sleep with the landing light on so you're not weird :)

Thankyou I was starting to wonder then 🤣

OP posts:
CocktailOnion2 · 23/05/2023 10:38

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 23/05/2023 10:32

It's never been a problem with exs in the past put the sleep timer on the telly so it's not on all night just until i fall asleep and the light being on in the hallway doesn't normally bother people i thought most people especially people with kids did this.

Show quote history

Alot of people with kids, tolerate landing or bathroom lights on due to kids being scared/needing a lit passage to the bathroom, but it's not a regular choice for adults.Its also a waste of energy.

bibbityboppityboo · 23/05/2023 10:38

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 23/05/2023 10:35

I'm genuinely shocked that people sleep in pitch black houses with no background noise

But that's ideal sleeping conditions?

I have it pitch black, eye mask, pillow spray, all lights in the house off and silence! It's dreamy.

Isitisit · 23/05/2023 10:38

That’s quite a lot to deal with OP.

I have the landing light on - I wake up a lot at night and prefer not to have complete darkness each time but light AND noise AND fan with no compromise is a lot.

Yesterda123 · 23/05/2023 10:38

Some MN posters are so easily shocked.

Thesunwillcomeoutverysoon · 23/05/2023 10:39

Surely most grown ups sleep in the dark in the quiet?
Have you got unaddressed issues op? It may be your room but it should be an equal relationship..
If he wanted to fall asleep to porn and background sounds of a Serengeti stampede at his house would you be agreeable?.

Hiddenvoice · 23/05/2023 10:39

I think you need to come to some sort of compromise if you want to continue seeing him/ having him stay over.
I like to fall asleep to noise so your sleep timer on tv would work for me but the fan and the light would be too much. I don’t sleep in complete darkness as I don’t have blackout blinds/ curtains. It’s a lot to ask if someone. It’s fine your exes didn’t mind it but they are exes and he isn’t. It’s a lot of noise and light for someone who likes the opposite.

Original poster
Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 23/05/2023 10:39

TrashyPanda · 23/05/2023 10:38

Why?

Show quote history

I think because iv always slept with light and noise and nobody has ever questioned it until now I thought it was normal

OP posts:
BotterMon · 23/05/2023 10:39

Only young children usually require background noise and a light on. Never heard of it in adults.

I'm with him in terms of sleep requirements but your house, your rules so he can either adapt or leave.

PeopleAreShit · 23/05/2023 10:39

It’s your house and you can end anything for any reason you like. We have no tv in the bedroom and I would not be able to sleep with the radio or tv on! Let alone the hall light. Suggest he tries a blindfold and ear plugs if you want this to got the distance and you try music through sleep headphones?

So I’m in camp no light and noise sorry.

Lullibyebye · 23/05/2023 10:40

You are well within your right to say it is your home so he has to make do...but are you prepared for him to say the same if/when you stay at his?

JulieHoney · 23/05/2023 10:40

How do you get good quality rest with all that stimulation? The fan I can understand, if you're hot, but the rest of it?

We used to have a bathroom light on when the children were young enough to need a light to go to the toilet in the night, but never since.

SunnySaturdayMorning · 23/05/2023 10:40

How did you even end up needing to sleep with so much light and noise?