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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell new lad this is my room

990 replies

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 23/05/2023 10:20

I know this is ridiculous but its really pissing me off Iv just started seeing someone new and he's been staying over and everything has been going great except I like to sleep with a fan on, the landing light on and the TV or something on my phone for background noise. he hates the fan and tv/phone being on he wants complete darkness and silence and wants to sleep with the window open. Aibu to tell him it's my room so it's tough 💩 how he likes to sleep.

OP posts:
JorisBonson · 23/05/2023 10:40

I'd be fretting about my electricity bill.

StinkyWizzleteets · 23/05/2023 10:41

Off topic but you must be loaded to have all those electric gadgets on all night every night.

TellKingTutIWantMyMummy · 23/05/2023 10:41

I sleep with a fan on for white noise but I couldn’t cope with tv / phone and a light as well.

AnObserverInThisDarkWorld · 23/05/2023 10:43

I get the need for noise at night but the light would be too much and I'd rather the window open (I'd have it open all year, even when freezing but have to compromise and close it when it's winter because I'm not the only person in the house)

If this is something you want to last then compromise is needed on both sides. Sleep headphones for you with an audio book or something for the noise (you can set timers), sleep mask for him to block the light.

AnnaMagnani · 23/05/2023 10:43

When I'm alone I'll fall asleep to a radio program - but definitely no lights on!

and I wouldn't expect a partner to put up with the radio, plus I don't need it if someone else is there.

It's OK for you to say this is a dealbreaker but prepare yourself to have drastically reduced your number of potential partners.

CatsOnTheChair · 23/05/2023 10:44

The fan or the light I could get used to - tho I prefer it dark and window open.
The TV and noise / flickering lights would be the deal breaker for me.

It sounds like there are too many comprises for the pair of you.

Aposterhasnoname · 23/05/2023 10:44

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 23/05/2023 10:28

I thought it was quite normal to sleep with a landing or hallway light on I thought most people did this

Most people under 12 perhaps, adults, not so much. Would be a complete deal breaker for me I’m afraid. Fan, maybe as long as it was quiet, but the tv and light, not a chance.

Lightningrain · 23/05/2023 10:44

You’ll probably find that most adults prefer a dark and quiet room to sleep in. That’s generally considered optimum conditions for sleeping if you do a bit of research.

I struggle to sleep if I’m too warm so would be ok with a fan but I couldn’t cope with light and TV/music noise.

You might have to try and work out some kind of compromise or it seems you’re probably not going to be compatible.

I don’t know of any adults that choose to sleep with a light on unless they have small children that might get up in the night. You must waste a lot of money on energy having lights and TV on.

ShakeYourFeathers · 23/05/2023 10:44

When I'm on my own I need to listen to something to get to sleep but don't as much when I'm with dp. So I do get that have you tried ear phones or something and listening to a podcast? Yanbu

However...

But all the lights and I the fan ... nah yabu

Snoken · 23/05/2023 10:44

I too think you are the odd one here. Sleeping with a fan on when it's hot is fine, but lights and TV on would disturb my sleep for sure. Also the TV's blue light messes with your melantonin levels so your sleep will be negatively affected too.

Original poster
Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 23/05/2023 10:45

StinkyWizzleteets · 23/05/2023 10:41

Off topic but you must be loaded to have all those electric gadgets on all night every night.

I'm not and my bills aren't particularly high I have a timer on fan and TV so it's only 1 light on overnight but I don't think that's expensive. Iv never noticed but iv always slept like that 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
Beachhutnut · 23/05/2023 10:45

Buy him ear plugs and an eye mask. I couldn't sleep with noise and light so am with him but your house your rules!

HadEnough2023 · 23/05/2023 10:46

Why do you need the landing light on? That would be a deal breaker for me. Could cope with the fan on, but you don't need a light you're not a child afraid of the dark lol. No offence op.

LightDrizzle · 23/05/2023 10:47

It’s really bad sleep hygiene to watch TV just before falling asleep. Are you often tired? It is probably interfering with the quality of your sleep. Having the landing light on isn’t a biggie, he could wear an eye mask, but the TV is really intrusive and not advisable.

Lemonaida · 23/05/2023 10:47

My DH likes to fall asleep with the tv on but I can't handle it as I like dark and quiet. He now falls asleep watching something on his phone with ear phones in. Even the light from his phone annoys me but have to give him something 😂

WaltzingWaters · 23/05/2023 10:47

I couldn’t sleep with the tv on or lights on. It’s of course your room, yes, but would probably be a deal breaker for me as that would drive me nuts.

TheMoops · 23/05/2023 10:47

Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 23/05/2023 10:35

I'm genuinely shocked that people sleep in pitch black houses with no background noise

Really?

Panteranoir · 23/05/2023 10:48

If you want the relationship to last you'll both have to compromise.

Earphones for your music. Eyemask for him.

Rock paper scissors every night over whether the fan is off or on.

Or break up.

Grumpyfroghats · 23/05/2023 10:49

Do you ever stay at his? If so I guess it evens out.

If he always stays at yours because you have kids, I think you need to compromise.

I could live with the light though I wouldn't love it but the TV would drive me crazy. Radio or podcast, I could live with but not the flickering light

Sparklfairy · 23/05/2023 10:49

Any plans to sleep over at his place? What will you do then?

I'm a bit similar to you (no lights but TV to fall asleep). Someone doesn't get to dictate when they're staying at your place but it works both ways, and if you 'can't' sleep without this and try to impose this in his home when you stay or down the line if you moved in together, you might have to just admit you're incompatible.

Original poster
Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy · 23/05/2023 10:50

TheMoops · 23/05/2023 10:47

Really?

Show quote history

Yes have you not done something your whole life that you think is completely normal then 26 years later everyone comes along and tells you it's not

OP posts:
Lcb123 · 23/05/2023 10:50

Never heard of an adult sleeping with light on. If you want the relationship to progress you may need to compromise eg can you get some headphones and sleep with them on? Your energy bills much be so high with the fan, light and tv all night!

AlltheFs · 23/05/2023 10:51

It is a bit odd @Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy
Yes it is your choice but it will limit who wants to sleep at yours.

We have nothing on here, DD has a little nightlight in her room as she is 3 to help her find the potty (downstairs bathroom and we don’t like her going downstairs on her own) but otherwise no noise and no lights on.

StarryNightAddict · 23/05/2023 10:51

Your home so you can do what you like but I sure as shit wouldn’t be having sleepovers with you. Not a chance on earth I could fall asleep with a tv and lights on.

I do like a little white noise so I’ll give you that. I always have a fan on low.

IfIKnowMe · 23/05/2023 10:51

We don’t sleep in total darkness and also have a fan on often as it gets too hot. Sometimes I put an audiobook on or we’ll fall asleep with the TV on. We can both sleep with those things though, it would be different if one of us couldn’t.