For being annoyed at neighbour’s balls kicked/thrown into garden

[Bluewhitefloral]

Apologies in advance for the long rant but here goes!

My neighbour has three boys ranged between toddlers and teens who at every opportunity are out playing in their garden. Firstly I think this is great that they love to be out so much and hope my kids will love being outdoors as much as they do. BUT… the range of balls being booted or thrown over into our garden is sending me loopy.

I’ve had a word with their Mum before about tiny little marble sized balls coming over as these are a choking hazard for my dogs if they were to pick them up. She apologised for the balls coming over but said she doesn’t keep these sized balls in her house as they are also a hazard for her toddler (I suspect they belong to a child who comes over for playdates). She said her toddler is obsessed with throwing things over our fence which she will try and get him to stop doing, and that she always tells the boys not to kick the balls towards the house (this isn’t really the issue- it’s that they’re kicking and throwing them so hard/far/high and not caring where they land). I’ve commented that I don’t want our dogs to damage the footballs in the hope that this would put them off but no, it’s happening more and more. To the point where it is probably up to 5 balls a day.

I should note that I do always pass them back - sometimes I’ll wait a couple of days if I’m particularly pissed off about it. If the kids are out when I return them they usually always say thank you, so they’re nice polite kids.

I’m just more concerned now because my DD is due in a few months - I’m genuinely terrified that if we’re out at the same time as the neighbours that a ball will come over and hit her. They already scare my dogs if they’re out as I let them roam in and out as they please. I’m not just talking about light flyaway balls or ball pit balls (which have been squished or popped by my dogs if I don’t get there first), they are heavy Casey type footballs so can do some damage. We’ve also had over toy cars and frisbees. We’ve had damage done already to glass tea light holders and outdoor lighting due to the footballs. A Casey ball was cms away from hitting me in the stomach the other day when I was lying out trying to enjoy the nice weather (I had just returned from hospital after going in with intense stomach pains) so my nerves are gone with it!

I am trying to get myself past the noise of it all as they are just kids. But it’ll be balls getting battered against fences, balls getting lashed against basketball hoop guards, from morning till night when they are off school, and I’m talking as early as 8am to as late as 1030pm. So that makes me dread when my DD is a bit older and gets moved from the box room nursery to the back bedroom that they are going to disturb her. I am going to have to get blinds for when she arrives as currently have bi-folds which the kids can see right into my living area when they’re bouncing on the trampoline so I just need that bit of extra privacy.

Again I know this is a long rant. I don’t want to be seen as being unreasonable at all but it’s bad enough now when I don’t look forward to having a meal outside due to the noise and potential damage and disturbance of footballs coming over - I just can’t enjoy my garden :( It doesn’t bother my DH as much. I must add that the kids’ Mum is lovely - her partner works away a lot so she is raising the kids pretty much on her own whilst working so I would feel terrible constantly pulling her about this.

I would love to be that person that just doesn’t care and I know a lot of people will see me as being a grump, first world problems etc, but for me it’s just getting too much and I’m worrying myself stupid over what could happen when DD arrives.

Any thoughts on this welcome, and if nothing can be done, any advice on changing my mindset so it doesn’t bother me as much? I feel like I’m going mad and am going to turn into the witch next door! AIBU?

Yep, this. She has just made the right noises before to shut you up but she's shown through her actions that she doesn't actually care, but she'll care when she has to start buying them new stuff.

Ask them to keep the balls low so they don't come over anymore. Stop throwing them back.

And if you're just relaxing with your headphones on and a ball comes over and smacks you in the face? That'd be fine?
I can't believe some of the replies on this thread. 😂

I would give the kids a warning that if it doesn’t stop, you’re going to pop the balls before they get them back. Then get a drill and put holes into them until they stop. OR let them know that you will hold the balls hostage for a week. For every other ball that comes over your fence, you will add another week. And I would demand that the mother replaces items broken by the balls.

We inherited a really low fence between us and our neighbours. We managed to keep the vast majority of balls away from that fence and we don't have a huge garden, it's not that hard with supervision. Any stray Nerf gun pellets got passed over as and when and they weren't used when the neighbours were in their garden either. Having a new fence at the time was not financially feasible although it's done now.

Stop being such a pushover. Next time you hand one ball back, tell them that's it now - NO MORE ARE BEING GIVEN BACK. It's becoming a hazard, inconvenient and unneighbourly.

Wtf is the matter with people letting kids kick heavy duty footballs and throw poxy frisbees in back gardens? Surely it can’t be enjoyable. It’s lazy parenting. Take them up the park. Instil some discipline ffs. Consider that other people might not, just might not, want to be disturbed by you and have to interact over and over with a pest

Here here Tidsley. I feel exactly the same as you. I cannot fathom why it's seen as acceptable. I live alone. I don't have kids. I don't want to be disturbed in this manner by other people's children. It's anti-social and ruins my enjoyment of my garden. I spend hundreds of pounds on plants each year and the amount of times balls have come over and broken them, including ones that I have planted in memory of my family who have died. They terrify my cat and have almost smacked me several times. I have stopped throwing them back and they have stopped asking. 'Oh it's only kids playing'. No. It's causing annoyance and damage and upset to others.

Absolutely this. Oh you can’t criticise or tell off kids. If the parents don’t do it they certainly don’t want you doing it.
It’s antisocial and thoughtless. You can try to keep yourself to yourself (as I do) but there’s always someone to disturb the peace and forcing you to engage, which you’d rather not. If you keep the balls or have words with the kid you’re likely to find yourself involved in some sort of row with the kid’s parents and all you were doing was minding your own business. Trust me, I’ve lived it x

So glad there are others who feel the same because you're very often made to feel like the miserable old witch next door (and I know that's likely what I'm known as 🤷🏼‍♀️). Ah well. Such is the selfishness of others...

Oh yes. I’m sure I’m the old bag (well I am) 🤣

🤣😂

I've actually been reading up on this because of the kid next door slamming and kicking balls next door and then coming over into our garden.
We are 'obliged' by law to give the balls back, apparently!
Can you believe that?!
Can't remember which site but 'template letters' are provided to give to the parents - all extremely nicey nicey and pussyfooting around them - wtaf?!
I agree with initial friendliness and appealing to reason, but if it happens after that - fk 'em, they're selfish, unreasonable and antisocial!!

@homelovingalme - Maybe you could get cameras up, write up an agreement stating that balls will be returned when compensation for time and damaged property is paid, and get them to sign it. The other thing a camera will do is record how FREQUENTLY they do this, the noise, potential yelling for it to be returned, etc. (Also invasion of your property.) and you can build a case for nuisance and harrassment.

@homelovingalme Definitely not you! So annoying the way the neighbours who don’t want their property destroyed are made to be the ones in the wrong for saying something.

I’ve ended up saying something to the boys directly. It got too much - over half term, 15 balls/toys came over in one day. I kept hold of all of them and my DH said he would go and speak to Mum at some point, but when I got home from work the next day I opened the back up to let the dogs out and two came over one right after the other so I jumped up on the bench and spoke to them over the fence. I politely but firmly told them I would give them the balls back but could they please be more careful as they had almost hit my dogs. The teenage boy blamed the middle boy. I said I didn’t care who it was but asked them to be more careful and they apologised. That was a few weeks back now and since then only a couple of balls have came over plus a couple of things which were deliberately thrown by the toddler. We also heard the middle boy tell the toddler off for throwing stuff over so it appears that having a word has worked for the most part- since I spoke to them the other week it may be two or three that have come over since which I would now take to be accidental as it’s so infrequent! We still have the summer hols coming up so will see what happens then and if they go back to their old ways but hopefully not….

We have same problem with 2 boys (and dad) who back onto us. Think broken fence panels, damaged plants. We went away for a week and came back to 14 balls in the garden. Some were brand new. Looked like they realised we were not in to throw balls back so went and bought even more balls. These are teens and park is 2 minutes walk away.

I think you handled that well in the end OP, and it's worked out.

I wouldn't have thought to send your DH to have a word with their Mum though, that could come across as intimidating. I'm not sure why you wouldn't have considered speaking to her yourself, you managed it with the kids after all.

All this 'keep the balls' 'burst them with a knife' style advice is ridiculous, just communicate and you might actually get the results you're looking for.

@Coolblur I've had a word with Mum before over it but nothing changed, in fact things got worse :( DH offered to speak with her just because he knew how much it was getting to me and think he was worried I would get a bit worked up (pregnancy hormones ha!) but I was that pissed off the next day over it I ended up speaking with the boys myself anyway. But I managed to stay calm luckily!