For being annoyed at neighbour’s balls kicked/thrown into garden

[Bluewhitefloral]

Apologies in advance for the long rant but here goes!

My neighbour has three boys ranged between toddlers and teens who at every opportunity are out playing in their garden. Firstly I think this is great that they love to be out so much and hope my kids will love being outdoors as much as they do. BUT… the range of balls being booted or thrown over into our garden is sending me loopy.

I’ve had a word with their Mum before about tiny little marble sized balls coming over as these are a choking hazard for my dogs if they were to pick them up. She apologised for the balls coming over but said she doesn’t keep these sized balls in her house as they are also a hazard for her toddler (I suspect they belong to a child who comes over for playdates). She said her toddler is obsessed with throwing things over our fence which she will try and get him to stop doing, and that she always tells the boys not to kick the balls towards the house (this isn’t really the issue- it’s that they’re kicking and throwing them so hard/far/high and not caring where they land). I’ve commented that I don’t want our dogs to damage the footballs in the hope that this would put them off but no, it’s happening more and more. To the point where it is probably up to 5 balls a day.

I should note that I do always pass them back - sometimes I’ll wait a couple of days if I’m particularly pissed off about it. If the kids are out when I return them they usually always say thank you, so they’re nice polite kids.

I’m just more concerned now because my DD is due in a few months - I’m genuinely terrified that if we’re out at the same time as the neighbours that a ball will come over and hit her. They already scare my dogs if they’re out as I let them roam in and out as they please. I’m not just talking about light flyaway balls or ball pit balls (which have been squished or popped by my dogs if I don’t get there first), they are heavy Casey type footballs so can do some damage. We’ve also had over toy cars and frisbees. We’ve had damage done already to glass tea light holders and outdoor lighting due to the footballs. A Casey ball was cms away from hitting me in the stomach the other day when I was lying out trying to enjoy the nice weather (I had just returned from hospital after going in with intense stomach pains) so my nerves are gone with it!

I am trying to get myself past the noise of it all as they are just kids. But it’ll be balls getting battered against fences, balls getting lashed against basketball hoop guards, from morning till night when they are off school, and I’m talking as early as 8am to as late as 1030pm. So that makes me dread when my DD is a bit older and gets moved from the box room nursery to the back bedroom that they are going to disturb her. I am going to have to get blinds for when she arrives as currently have bi-folds which the kids can see right into my living area when they’re bouncing on the trampoline so I just need that bit of extra privacy.

Again I know this is a long rant. I don’t want to be seen as being unreasonable at all but it’s bad enough now when I don’t look forward to having a meal outside due to the noise and potential damage and disturbance of footballs coming over - I just can’t enjoy my garden :( It doesn’t bother my DH as much. I must add that the kids’ Mum is lovely - her partner works away a lot so she is raising the kids pretty much on her own whilst working so I would feel terrible constantly pulling her about this.

I would love to be that person that just doesn’t care and I know a lot of people will see me as being a grump, first world problems etc, but for me it’s just getting too much and I’m worrying myself stupid over what could happen when DD arrives.

Any thoughts on this welcome, and if nothing can be done, any advice on changing my mindset so it doesn’t bother me as much? I feel like I’m going mad and am going to turn into the witch next door! AIBU?

I think it would help for you to talk to the kids yourself.

Is it your fence? If it is held be tempted to take it down and leave it down for a few weeks just to annoy them. Then put up a taller fence.

And stop returning the balls every time.

You could pretend the ball has broken something. Tell the mum you'll take it on the chin this time as it's just your gnome or something petty but you really cant go on like this.

And stop returning the balls every time.

And if you do stop returning them, put them away somewhere they can't see them. Otherwise they might start climbing over to fetch them when you're not in.

Is it your fence or theirs? If it's yours, you definitely need to get stroppy aout the balls being kicked up against it. That will cause damage eventually, if it hasn't already.

This gets asked a lot on here and it's annoying but I would throw them back

Just to keep the peace

Parent is obviously useless at conveying what is acceptable behaviour! I'd keep the balls and give them back days later, on a rainy day. There is no excuse for that at all. Don't assume your kids will do that - most kids don't. Kids have to know boundaries - and how to play in the garden without annoying your neighbour is a way to start. I'd not want my greenhouse smashed, my flowers flattened or my peace interrupted by other peoples kids - who would?

I'd let the dogs chew the balls up.

No I don't lol. When kids are playing the noise annoys me but I put headphones on. Balls going over the fence don't bother me AT ALL. They don't break things because I don't keep my bone China and glassware in my garden. They hit the lawn. And I send them back when I feel like it, I don't feel hassled in my own garden with headphones on but I don't feel like I need to keep their stuff or go to their parents. What do you think will happen the kids will give up sports?

Also, my garden is shared and sometimes the neighbours kids have friends over and have little parties and I don't go out there, because I like kids and think they should have fun without the nasty neighbour making things hard for them.

I would keep every toy/ball etc and refuse to give them back until their parents parented them properly
Why should you be inconvenienced and unable to use your garden safely while they just carry on
Sod neighbour relationships

@MummaMaggoth Re glassware I had glass tealights out because we were setting the table for a meal, and generally people should be able to enjoy a drink out of a glass in their own back garden without worrying whether a football is going to come flying over and smash it? Also I didn't mention bone china, I mentioned outdoor lighting...which belongs outdoors... I also didn't expect for the kids to give up sports, that's not what I have said at all - I just want them to be a bit more considerate.

@MummaMaggoth I simply refuse to believe people like you are serious, and if you are - you're one of life's mugs. #PickMe

OP - keep the balls and they can collect themselves, also explain to the Mum your fear of the cased one in particular - like I've said previously there's no need whatsoever for a cased football to be used in a back garden setting.

If they're routinely coming over the fence then the area theyre playing in isnt big enough - they need somewhere bigger

LIKE A PARK.

This easily could be my son - mind you - it’s not 5 a day, at worst maybe one a week - normally once a month or twice a month. I keep telling him to stop kicking it so blady high - but sometimes it just gets away from him. You can get a net to try and ‘catch’ the balls perhaps? My neighbour doesn’t mind ( her children are the same age so we get all sorts from them in our garden).

You can't believe that I like kids and am cool with a ball touching my grass?

Honestly I find it hard to believe you Victor Meldrew esque characters manage to function without your heads exploding with rage if a kid leans on your fence or whistles while you're sunbathing.

Stop being so dramatic @MummaMaggoth

Balls going over the fence don't bother me AT ALL. They don't break things because I don't keep my bone China and glassware in my garden.

It's going to blow your mind when you discover greenhouses and conservatories, @MummaMaggoth.

Bone china 🙄really?
how about garden ornaments? How about pets in the garden?

I'd stop giving them back so readily. We have a tiny garden and inevitably our boys' end up kicking the ball over the fence. The difference here is that they only own three balls, and our neighbours are rarely at home when they play so when it's gone over, it's game over. They get it back the next morning (the neighbours always lob them back when they get in). The boys have learnt better ball control skills as a result!

Growing up there was an 'old' (later middle aged) lady who live on the corner right next to the best place in the street to play football.
She (understandably) got really, really fed up of balls going in her garden, hitting her fence, hitting her plants, hitting her car etc. So she simply started busting every last ball with a kitchen knife. Even tennis balls would get a chunk cut out before she threw them back.

She snapped one summer holiday after weeks of constant torment by our balls, I kid you not within 3 or 4 days there was not a single child within ball kicking distance of her house. To my knowledge that was how it remained for the rest of my time living in that street (which was 7 or 8 years). That corner was a ball free zone from then on.

If it pisses you off that much take a knife to them (or a screwdriver, then you can blame the small round puncture wounds on the dog if you don't fancy going full megabitch)!

Five balls in our garden yesterday. They have broken the slats in our fence multiple times. I can see from bedroom window that they've broken bits of fences on all sides of their garden. The back half of our garden is fenced off for rabbits and guinea pigs to free roam during the day. Rabbits have been hit four times by balls that I've seen. If the balls aren’t thrown back over fast enough, the kids climb over into our garden. They've broken a side fence getting back over into theirs. I’m fuming about it but I’m a lone parent and if I say anything to parents it will only escalate. I've shouted when the rabbits have been hit, I've shouted when kids have tried to climb over. I've shouted when I've been trying to fix the fence and the kids have been pushing it back towards me laughing from the other side.
If I catch a child in my garden they'll be frogmarched out of the front door. But it's not just the kids, there's grown men breaking the fence with the balls when the kids are in school. If I confiscate the balls, I'll have the adults at my door.
It's a fucking joke.

Paint the top of the fence with anti climb paint. You need a sign up though..

i wouldn’t be returning the tiny balls. they are a choking hazard for your dogs and will be for your baby when they arrive and are a bit bigger. i’d also be looking at ways to make the fence a bit higher if you can?

Your response to this comment was perfect- I would swap my neighbours for you in a heartbeat.

Sorry you’re dealing with this- of course “kids will be kids” but kids with sty, negligent and disrespectful parents will be sty, negligent and disrespectful kids 🙄

Thanks for your messages everyone!

They've been away for the last few days so have had a lovely, peaceful weekend. They got back last night and we're straight into half term. So far this morning we've had a frisbie and two smaller balls over, one was only light but the other was a hard medium sized ball which has scared the dogs. Mum is outside with them so she has obviously seen them come over. Oldest kid has seen me see the last ball come over, I made eye contact with him and walked straight back in the house - I'm definitely not going to be as forthcoming handing these back! It's going to be such a beautiful week weather-wise but I'm dreading it because of my previous concerns :(

Just bin them all. Frisbee and balls. Not your problem.

Mum will only give a shit when the kids start whining for new play things.

Don't give them back. Deny all knowledge of having them or seeing them. It'll stop quickly.