For being annoyed at neighbour’s balls kicked/thrown into garden

[Bluewhitefloral]

Apologies in advance for the long rant but here goes!

My neighbour has three boys ranged between toddlers and teens who at every opportunity are out playing in their garden. Firstly I think this is great that they love to be out so much and hope my kids will love being outdoors as much as they do. BUT… the range of balls being booted or thrown over into our garden is sending me loopy.

I’ve had a word with their Mum before about tiny little marble sized balls coming over as these are a choking hazard for my dogs if they were to pick them up. She apologised for the balls coming over but said she doesn’t keep these sized balls in her house as they are also a hazard for her toddler (I suspect they belong to a child who comes over for playdates). She said her toddler is obsessed with throwing things over our fence which she will try and get him to stop doing, and that she always tells the boys not to kick the balls towards the house (this isn’t really the issue- it’s that they’re kicking and throwing them so hard/far/high and not caring where they land). I’ve commented that I don’t want our dogs to damage the footballs in the hope that this would put them off but no, it’s happening more and more. To the point where it is probably up to 5 balls a day.

I should note that I do always pass them back - sometimes I’ll wait a couple of days if I’m particularly pissed off about it. If the kids are out when I return them they usually always say thank you, so they’re nice polite kids.

I’m just more concerned now because my DD is due in a few months - I’m genuinely terrified that if we’re out at the same time as the neighbours that a ball will come over and hit her. They already scare my dogs if they’re out as I let them roam in and out as they please. I’m not just talking about light flyaway balls or ball pit balls (which have been squished or popped by my dogs if I don’t get there first), they are heavy Casey type footballs so can do some damage. We’ve also had over toy cars and frisbees. We’ve had damage done already to glass tea light holders and outdoor lighting due to the footballs. A Casey ball was cms away from hitting me in the stomach the other day when I was lying out trying to enjoy the nice weather (I had just returned from hospital after going in with intense stomach pains) so my nerves are gone with it!

I am trying to get myself past the noise of it all as they are just kids. But it’ll be balls getting battered against fences, balls getting lashed against basketball hoop guards, from morning till night when they are off school, and I’m talking as early as 8am to as late as 1030pm. So that makes me dread when my DD is a bit older and gets moved from the box room nursery to the back bedroom that they are going to disturb her. I am going to have to get blinds for when she arrives as currently have bi-folds which the kids can see right into my living area when they’re bouncing on the trampoline so I just need that bit of extra privacy.

Again I know this is a long rant. I don’t want to be seen as being unreasonable at all but it’s bad enough now when I don’t look forward to having a meal outside due to the noise and potential damage and disturbance of footballs coming over - I just can’t enjoy my garden :( It doesn’t bother my DH as much. I must add that the kids’ Mum is lovely - her partner works away a lot so she is raising the kids pretty much on her own whilst working so I would feel terrible constantly pulling her about this.

I would love to be that person that just doesn’t care and I know a lot of people will see me as being a grump, first world problems etc, but for me it’s just getting too much and I’m worrying myself stupid over what could happen when DD arrives.

Any thoughts on this welcome, and if nothing can be done, any advice on changing my mindset so it doesn’t bother me as much? I feel like I’m going mad and am going to turn into the witch next door! AIBU?

Honestly I think you’re being too nice and accommodating.. but I understand why, it’s horrible having an awkward relationship with your neighbours. Unfortunately it seems like your neighbour doesn’t really care about that and is relying on you biting your tongue. I’d have lost my shit with the ineffectual mother long before now.
Nets at the top of the fence, or trellis would work well.

Stop throwing them back.
Also you can make sure your child doesn't screech and kick balls next door.

@lechatnoir I think the fence is about 5ft tall and the kids stand on a storage box to look over. That, plus the fact that they can see in when jumping on the trampoline is prioritising the need for blinds on my bi-folds especially for when DD arrives. I like the look of this trellis though! And I would love to pretty up my garden which is quite bare at the moment except for a couple of artificial hanging baskets - I think I've been hesitant to buy plants this year due to them being victims of the balls last year.

I would tend to delay throwing them back if it's too frequent. Maybe the first one gets thrown back if you're doing something in the garden when it comes over, but if you're relaxing or indoors, then they will have to wait until the evening before you round them up and chuck them back.
At least when they've all come over, you know there will be a bit of respite for a while!
If they knock at the door, reassure them that you will always throw them back later. Never let them come and get them themselves. You don't want it to be normal for them to come into your garden, spoiling your privacy and leaving the gate open for your dogs.

Don't throw the balls / items back for some time. As in months. Natural consequence.

The mother needs a better handle on her toddler.

I'd be careful as you don't want to cause amonisty. You child will be doing similar in a 5 years time. They'll return the favour. There's no harm in leaving the balls for 2 days before returning.

Aah, the scourge of the ball in small urban gardens. People are effing idiots. Kids can’t control a football. They need to be taken to a park. I’ve lived and breathed it on and off for years. One lot that lived next door even tried frisbees. Wtf? The gardens are 12 foot wide. Where do you think that lump of plastic is going? Piss off with the lot of it. Thoughtless, thoughtless people out there

@lechatnoir I have only had a conversation with her about the tiny balls and how terrified I was of the dogs choking on them. The first thing she said was that she doesn't keep them sized balls in the house. She blamed the toddler for throwing the bigger balls and said they're trying to stop him (but there is a difference between a 2 year old innocently throwing a ball and then the older boys absolutely smashing a ball at top speed with no care for where it lands) , and she's told the older boys never to kick towards the house and then she apologised for 'all' the balls coming over. I should have brought my fear of the caseys into the conversation there and then but I was just grateful that she had apologised and naively assumed that because I'd started that conversation, maybe she would tell her kids to be more careful, which clearly hasn't happened.

@Tidsleytiddy There are so many parks by where we live as well including a huge country park a 2 minute walk away. I get that many parents wouldn't want their kids playing in parks and would prefer them to stay at home where they can see them but the games they're playing are not suitable for the size gardens we have :(

Stop returning the balls OP. The toddler will run out of balls to throw and the older ones will have to come and knock for our balls. Make collecting the balls a fairly unpleasant experience and they will learn to be more careful as they wont want to collect them.

Put a needle through the seam of the Casey's before you give them back, and blame the dog. They are expensive and they won't do it many times.

Talk to the mother again and be very firm.
Tell her exactly how it is affecting you and how you feel you cannot sit in your own private property. And how the boys are peering over into your garden. Be very specific.
I have a similar situation and had to speak to parents last week. When I listed the issues they were horrified. We have had minimal problems since, and I know dad is keeping a close eye on their behaviour.
Also, they are playing out too long. Three boys in the garden that late is not on. Ask her to call them in at 8 at the latest so you can actually get to sit in your garden in the evening.
It’s horrendous how a few kids can cause this level of misery to other people. The mother needs to step up and parent her children. As for saying the toddler is obsessed with throw things over your garden…. I would give her a hard stare and say that is not acceptable and needs to stop right away. How would she like it if you threw things over her garden? Tell the kid no for goodness sake..

Clever Dog deflating a ball that can be re inflated.

Be firm with the neighbour. Tell her it is too much and you will be afraid to put your daughter outside in her pram unless her kids learn to behave.

She's taking the piss.

Start small and go harder if they don't get the message.

All bouncy balls go straight in the bin.
'Sorry I can't find it, they're too small'

First ball comes over, wait til they stick they're head over and say 'this is the only ball I'm throwing back today. Balls stay in your garden'

Then make a pretty pile until the next day. If mum sticks her head over, explain that you've told her how the problem is worse not better. And you've told them you'll throw the first one back and remind them, then they can wait until the next day.

If they continue after a week I think deflating them is a genius idea combined with the above

Dilly

”I doubt this will be OP in a few years, letting kids whack the ball against the fence from 8am til 10:30pm and sling anything and everything constantly over is not normal behaviour. Letting your kids play and have fun is one thing, letting them do what they want all day long is another thing. OP obviously seems aware enough to know that this is not the parent she will be.”

This. They should go to the park.

There is absolutely no need for children to play with full on casey balls in a back garden

For people saying that your children will do the same on a few years, that's not necessarily true. We have two children and only ever had one ball go over, and that was on holiday. At home we don't play those kind of games in the garden, and take them to the park instead.

Just don’t return them. Easy!
don’t deflate them or bin them - that is a really malicious thing to do and not a nice example for young kids - it’s pure vindictive and teaches kids they can be petty and vindictive in return.
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Oh God! The peering over the fence used to drive me nuts!! NDN DC would bring a kitchen chair up to the fence and stand on it. They'd peer into our kitchen. Then they started dropping toys into our garden and asking my DD to pick the toys up for them. Then they were asking my DC to 'throw over' (their own) toys over the fence to NDN garden. Also balls over the fence of course.

All that would be enough on its own but also one of the NDN DC was hanging over the fence while my ASD DS was playing with his toy cars and NDN DC decided it would be fun to imitate and mock my DS. I put a trellis up. Best €50 I ever spent.

I have the same with my neighbour. I leave the balls in the garden, but someone else throws them back. It's every single day, and it's every single ball the kid owns. They NEVER ask for it back either, they expect us to return them. That, along with the kid constantly screaming and shouting (not normal kid noises, which wouldn't bother me). It drives me crazy!

Balls coming over is not inevitable at all. We never have balls coming over and I would not allow my children to kick balls over.

You need to ask her to put some netting up or put some up yourself. Ask her to move the box the toddler is standing on too.

Collect a couple of days worth in a carrier bag, and take them round to the front door. Showing the neighbour the size of the issue.

Chill out, my gosh. TLDR but yeah it's some kids, some balls and some garden. If this is bothering you this much your life must be goshdarn amazing. Paradise. I'm jealous of your minute worries.