For being annoyed at neighbour’s balls kicked/thrown into garden

[Bluewhitefloral]

Apologies in advance for the long rant but here goes!

My neighbour has three boys ranged between toddlers and teens who at every opportunity are out playing in their garden. Firstly I think this is great that they love to be out so much and hope my kids will love being outdoors as much as they do. BUT… the range of balls being booted or thrown over into our garden is sending me loopy.

I’ve had a word with their Mum before about tiny little marble sized balls coming over as these are a choking hazard for my dogs if they were to pick them up. She apologised for the balls coming over but said she doesn’t keep these sized balls in her house as they are also a hazard for her toddler (I suspect they belong to a child who comes over for playdates). She said her toddler is obsessed with throwing things over our fence which she will try and get him to stop doing, and that she always tells the boys not to kick the balls towards the house (this isn’t really the issue- it’s that they’re kicking and throwing them so hard/far/high and not caring where they land). I’ve commented that I don’t want our dogs to damage the footballs in the hope that this would put them off but no, it’s happening more and more. To the point where it is probably up to 5 balls a day.

I should note that I do always pass them back - sometimes I’ll wait a couple of days if I’m particularly pissed off about it. If the kids are out when I return them they usually always say thank you, so they’re nice polite kids.

I’m just more concerned now because my DD is due in a few months - I’m genuinely terrified that if we’re out at the same time as the neighbours that a ball will come over and hit her. They already scare my dogs if they’re out as I let them roam in and out as they please. I’m not just talking about light flyaway balls or ball pit balls (which have been squished or popped by my dogs if I don’t get there first), they are heavy Casey type footballs so can do some damage. We’ve also had over toy cars and frisbees. We’ve had damage done already to glass tea light holders and outdoor lighting due to the footballs. A Casey ball was cms away from hitting me in the stomach the other day when I was lying out trying to enjoy the nice weather (I had just returned from hospital after going in with intense stomach pains) so my nerves are gone with it!

I am trying to get myself past the noise of it all as they are just kids. But it’ll be balls getting battered against fences, balls getting lashed against basketball hoop guards, from morning till night when they are off school, and I’m talking as early as 8am to as late as 1030pm. So that makes me dread when my DD is a bit older and gets moved from the box room nursery to the back bedroom that they are going to disturb her. I am going to have to get blinds for when she arrives as currently have bi-folds which the kids can see right into my living area when they’re bouncing on the trampoline so I just need that bit of extra privacy.

Again I know this is a long rant. I don’t want to be seen as being unreasonable at all but it’s bad enough now when I don’t look forward to having a meal outside due to the noise and potential damage and disturbance of footballs coming over - I just can’t enjoy my garden :( It doesn’t bother my DH as much. I must add that the kids’ Mum is lovely - her partner works away a lot so she is raising the kids pretty much on her own whilst working so I would feel terrible constantly pulling her about this.

I would love to be that person that just doesn’t care and I know a lot of people will see me as being a grump, first world problems etc, but for me it’s just getting too much and I’m worrying myself stupid over what could happen when DD arrives.

Any thoughts on this welcome, and if nothing can be done, any advice on changing my mindset so it doesn’t bother me as much? I feel like I’m going mad and am going to turn into the witch next door! AIBU?

Next time you're out there and one comes over vaguely near you scream in agony.

Stop giving them back. They come over then burst them, give them to the dog or simply bin them. The balls will stop coming over as soon as they realise they need to replace them every time they do.

Oh yes DD would be in a pram or in someones arms but unless we were constantly watching for the balls we do not know where they will land until it happens. The kids are at school Monday-Friday but obviously back in the garden as soon as they're home, and then out whenever they are at home at the weekends/school holidays.

That would piss anyone off.

5 balls a day and not being able to sit and enjoy your garden?

Not on.

I agree.

I would pretend you have been hit and go around.

You couldn't have a baby in the garden with objects flying.

I return balls to my neighbours that land here, but they are nowhere near me or the house part of the garden.

Call in, tell her you have been hit, that it is now too much.

She needs to parent her children.

This isn't good enough.

Those balls would no longer be returned usable if it continued, the dogs would be bursting them!

I think I’d start taking longer and longer to return them. The consequence of a ball coming over would be that it would be out of action for a long time, rising to a very very long time. I wouldn’t deflate them though and I’d keep it friendly. They could be your future babysitters!

Apologies, the above was in response to @Adulteress

We have a rule (in our heads) of one ball every few days. Five a day is a lot.

Do what my Mums NDN does when my nephews balls go over (once in a blue moon), put a knife through them and throw them back.

@Shinyandnew1 Yes little bouncy balls - and two days after I had the conversation about them with Mum, another came flying over, then the middle boy and his friend (who I suspect it belonged to) were hanging over the fence looking in my living area to get my attention so I could give it back.

Build a taller 6ft fence and add a 2ft trellis plus grow some trees. Stop sending back balls meantime; make them ask and each time explain in detail why any particular ball was a problem. If the mother won't parent them then you need to teach them to stop.

YANBU. Pop them and throw them away.

Perhaps they’ll be more careful if they have to keep replacing them.

They need to go and play in the local park instead

When the next ball comes over, just tell them to STOP KICKING YOUR BALLS OVER! Oh, and instead of throwing them back, leave them for your dogs to play with.

@marblesthecat Ahh yes unfortunately not an option for us. We've only been living here 18 months and other than the ball issue we love where we live. When we viewed the house it was clear there were kids living next door but we knew we wanted to start a family too (so saw it as a positive with the active and family friendly surroundings) and never foresaw this being as much of a problem as it is.

@RhosynBach I would say the fence is currently 5ft tall - I think the toddler is going right up to the fence as throwing as hard as he can.

I think you need to leave it longer and longer before returning them. If at all. That way they will learn that they won't keep getting them back. It's annoying and could take a long time. Perhaps one of those huge high nets on poles might be an un subtle hint?

Don't give them back - you're literally giving them ammunition.

Say politely but firmly to the mother that you will no longer be returning them anything thrown in your garden will be disposed of (and that you expect they will do the same) and then follow through with it. It will damage your neighbourly relationship but your neighbours seem content with doing so.

Their mum needs to put up a net. I’d be putting any small balls straight into the bin. In fact your ‘dog’ needs to start playing and popping them regularly. I wouldn’t put up with children peaking over the fence at you either, they need to be told that’s inappropriate, esp when you might be feeding a baby in that room soon.

we don’t get on with NDN and when her grandson went through a phase of sending balls into our garden (and causing damage). I started throwing them over the back fence so they had to walk round to the next street to those neighbours to ask for their balls back. That stopped him.

If you can afford it, put nets up on your side.

If not, start delaying sending the footballs back and do not return the small balls unless the parent comes round. I’d make it clear that I’m fed up of this now and that the small balls won’t be returned in future.

I feel your pain. Up to 10 a day here, but I don't have the fear of a child being hit, and I hear you, these are heavy leather balls.

Ours have offered netting, but as it goes in the last week or so the number coming over has literally bored the dogs to the point they're ignoring them now mainly, and we've come to an understanding that their shitty shooting means they might not get all balls back.

If she can't control her child then she should at least offer alternative solutions like netting .

If the kids are hanging over the fence and peering in at you, it's clearly too low. I'd seriously consider replacing with something higher or if you can't afford a full new fence why not put a trellis top on and grow something up up it. This sort of thing so not one with great big gaps.

I'd also ask them to try and keep the noise down after 9:30pm and definitely no returning multiple balls a day.

Have you had a conversation with neighbour telling her how much this is getting to you - noise, fear of dog (& soon baby) being hurt, damage to your garden etc. You don't need to be angry about it but I do think she needs to be aware of the problem as I'd guess she's completely oblivious. Have that conversation as a pre-cursor to putting up a new fence/trellis and stopping returning balls. She'll soon get the message!

Just keep them op. They’ll soon learn their lesson. I can’t believe they don’t knock at your door and ask for them back.
We had the same issue with the son of our neighbours over the back. So many balls came over, but never once did he come round and ask for them back and we weren’t always in the garden to see them come over.
We kept them all and guess what? It stopped!

Thank you for your replies so far!

I completely understand that with kids comes noise and no doubt my kids will make noise too and the odd plaything may accidentally end up in the neighbour's garden - I just think because of this I will be more fine tuned and will ensure to teach my kids to be considerate of the people living around them and take action if this is ignored.

It just seems to have got worse since we moved in, I would say it was only once or twice a week then. It's like in the 18 months we've been here for, they've got more comfortable with being careless which undoubtedly won't have been helped by our willingness to throw the balls back. I don't make the point of returning them every single time they come over, but just seeing them flying over or coming into the room to see another ball in the garden really makes my stress levels go up! I don't like who I'm becoming and my DH looks at me like I have two heads because of the numerous times I bring it up, it's like I'm obsessed! Last night DH kicked a ball back over, only for the boys and their playdates to come out from having their tea and it was then straight back over in our garden, so it's still there now.

I have started becoming more vocal over it - when they had the near miss the other day I gasped out of genuine fright and said to my DH (but loudly enough so they could hear me) - 'Oh my God! That's just nearly hit me in the stomach.' The kid/s quickly went inside, but were back out again two hours later, and two more balls came over. I also say things like 'REALLY?!', 'Are you messing!' and ''Oh my God' but I realise now that I'm contradicting myself saying things like this because then my actions of throwing them back suggest 'no problem kids! Carry on!' I think I've hoped this makes out that I'm not happy about it happening but I'm being a nice neighbour by returning them. Buuut it seems I just look like a doormat.

Yes, this