For being annoyed at neighbour’s balls kicked/thrown into garden

[Bluewhitefloral]

Apologies in advance for the long rant but here goes!

My neighbour has three boys ranged between toddlers and teens who at every opportunity are out playing in their garden. Firstly I think this is great that they love to be out so much and hope my kids will love being outdoors as much as they do. BUT… the range of balls being booted or thrown over into our garden is sending me loopy.

I’ve had a word with their Mum before about tiny little marble sized balls coming over as these are a choking hazard for my dogs if they were to pick them up. She apologised for the balls coming over but said she doesn’t keep these sized balls in her house as they are also a hazard for her toddler (I suspect they belong to a child who comes over for playdates). She said her toddler is obsessed with throwing things over our fence which she will try and get him to stop doing, and that she always tells the boys not to kick the balls towards the house (this isn’t really the issue- it’s that they’re kicking and throwing them so hard/far/high and not caring where they land). I’ve commented that I don’t want our dogs to damage the footballs in the hope that this would put them off but no, it’s happening more and more. To the point where it is probably up to 5 balls a day.

I should note that I do always pass them back - sometimes I’ll wait a couple of days if I’m particularly pissed off about it. If the kids are out when I return them they usually always say thank you, so they’re nice polite kids.

I’m just more concerned now because my DD is due in a few months - I’m genuinely terrified that if we’re out at the same time as the neighbours that a ball will come over and hit her. They already scare my dogs if they’re out as I let them roam in and out as they please. I’m not just talking about light flyaway balls or ball pit balls (which have been squished or popped by my dogs if I don’t get there first), they are heavy Casey type footballs so can do some damage. We’ve also had over toy cars and frisbees. We’ve had damage done already to glass tea light holders and outdoor lighting due to the footballs. A Casey ball was cms away from hitting me in the stomach the other day when I was lying out trying to enjoy the nice weather (I had just returned from hospital after going in with intense stomach pains) so my nerves are gone with it!

I am trying to get myself past the noise of it all as they are just kids. But it’ll be balls getting battered against fences, balls getting lashed against basketball hoop guards, from morning till night when they are off school, and I’m talking as early as 8am to as late as 1030pm. So that makes me dread when my DD is a bit older and gets moved from the box room nursery to the back bedroom that they are going to disturb her. I am going to have to get blinds for when she arrives as currently have bi-folds which the kids can see right into my living area when they’re bouncing on the trampoline so I just need that bit of extra privacy.

Again I know this is a long rant. I don’t want to be seen as being unreasonable at all but it’s bad enough now when I don’t look forward to having a meal outside due to the noise and potential damage and disturbance of footballs coming over - I just can’t enjoy my garden :( It doesn’t bother my DH as much. I must add that the kids’ Mum is lovely - her partner works away a lot so she is raising the kids pretty much on her own whilst working so I would feel terrible constantly pulling her about this.

I would love to be that person that just doesn’t care and I know a lot of people will see me as being a grump, first world problems etc, but for me it’s just getting too much and I’m worrying myself stupid over what could happen when DD arrives.

Any thoughts on this welcome, and if nothing can be done, any advice on changing my mindset so it doesn’t bother me as much? I feel like I’m going mad and am going to turn into the witch next door! AIBU?

@MummaMaggoth are you ok?

@MummaMaggoth Ha I was waiting for someone to say something like this! No I can assure you my life is far from amazing and I'm sorry that yours isn't either, but I thought this may be a safe space to get a bit of understanding which thankfully most responders have shown. Thanks for your input :)

We had a neighbours that let their child do this, he had additional needs but they would leave him unattended in the garden. He’d stand on the trampoline and throw over everything - shoes, balls, spades, garden toys, rocks. After about a year of bagging it an up and taking it round I stopped. It all went in the bin, after that the parents took a more proactive approach in not letting him stand and throw everything over the fence!

I agree with not giving the balls back over.

Those saying this will be your kids in a few years is nonsense too. I never allowed my kids to bang a ball against a neighbour's fence or wall etc.

Kids will be kids yes, but parents must parent and not leave their kids to do what they want and make their neighbour's life a misery.

One of my neighbours has kids that does this, they’re 10+ so can seriously kick it. Not so much a problem for us (except for v annoying ball on fence noise all day in school holidays when I’m working from home, it ends up in our garden maybe once a day/every other day) but the end of their garden faces our neighbour’s driveway, which they’ve got two expensive (six figure) cars on and the ball has hit a couple of times. Not sure if they know or not since they seem to be out most of the time but I’m surprised there isn’t more said about it.

other neighbour has her trampoline right against our fence which is more annoying with her kids looking it, but it’s a new build estate so it was obvious we are going to be overlooked. When I do have a baby in a year or two though they can police themselves if they don’t want to see my boobs.

It’s difficult as well since the houses vary so much so there is a big disparity in garden sizes and wealth levels (they’ve built 300k ones on the road facing side but then some massive million pound ones which then share a fence with about five of the smaller ones).

Your fence is too short if a toddler can throw stuff over. You need to replace it or extend the height of your existing one to at least 2 m. That should eliminate some of the issue. I'd also wait a day or two before throwing any balls back over.

I don’t think there’s been that’s many balls coming into your garden from today….some
most definitely accidentally fell into your bin and you have no idea where these balls are.

I'd keep my wheelie bin near where they came over. Anything coming over, goes straight in the bin.

They can fish them out between you putting the bins out and the bin persons of whatever sex coming if they want them back.

You’ve had a word with the mum and she’s not stopped her kids throwing their balls over. Don’t give them back. Store them and then donate the balls to a kids charity.

So as long as the 'little darlings are happy' sod the neighbour's.
You don't see a problem with trying to relax in your garden and multiple items coming over the fence hitting you and breaking things.

Any balls that come over my garden fence are welcome presents for my dog. If she pops them its a bit sad...

I came on to say YABU as we have a neighbour who's son is very sporty and came to collect footballs gone over the fence every day. But what you describe is ridiculous.

Don't return the balls. Let them get stuck in your undergrowth. If you find any choking hazards in your garden, bin them. Let the kids come to retrieve the balls every time, don't chuck them back over.

It sounds like you've been more than patient, and more than accommodating, and still the mum has done nothing to stop it. 5 a day is insane.

Time to stop throwing them back, and "oh dear, the dog got to it first." Stab the balls with a fine pin, right on a seam, and it'll never been noticed.

As for things like toy cars - deny, deny, deny. "No... sorry, haven't seen anything."

People like this need to be inconvenienced themselves to do anything about something. At the moment they have the use of two gardens and a free, on time ball re-delivery service - why would they stop?

Change this so that they can't lean over into your garden and balls aren't returned for days and/or are returned deflated and the situation will change pretty damn fast.

My neighbour was really bad for this a few years ago. Their kid would deliberately throw all sorts of crap over the fence dirty socks and pants, space hoppers, scooters, food wrappers and drinks cans.

I got so pissed off one day when they started playing basketball with a hard leather football a couple of feet away from my windows. The dad was playing with them as well, who in their right mind thinks that's a good idea to let their kid do that? The ball predictably come over my side of the fence, damaged my conservatory roof and also hit me quite hard in the face, as I was outside painting my house at the time. No apology given from parent or child and no offer to pay for the damage. That ball mysteriously disappeared and the Mum had the nerve to say I was harsh for stealing a young lad's ball (he was about 10 at the time and old enough to know better, or at the very least apologise). After that, anything that came over got chucked out into the street for the neighbourhood kids to play with.

A few weeks later, the kid damaged his dad's car with another heavy football and got a very loud bollocking and that seems to have stopped the problem!

I have 2 football mad boys and I am on the other side of this argument right now.
Although it’s more like 1-2 balls every few days not 5.
My boys are generally good boys but our garden isn’t huge and dispite me telling them 100 times, they get excited and some kicks are too high. The other side of us is a road and they are always asking to go round and collect them from there too.
However, we only have 1 hard ball. The rest and softer ones (light air fillled ones) or foam balls. For one thing I don’t want my windows smashed and another I can appreciate it’s dangerous for the neighbour.
Its a constant battle to keep them off games consoles so I love them being active outside but yeah. It’s annoying.
See also nerf pellets which go over the fence all the time.
Personally I would collect up all the little hard balls and chuck them as that’s just a bit weird. I would have another word with the neighbour about the type of ball and how you are worried about it hitting you sitting in the garden. They could use softer balls.
Or keep the hard ones, Chuck back the softer ones?

I’ve had a word with their Mum before about tiny little marble sized balls coming over as these are a choking hazard for my dogs if they were to pick them up. She apologised for the balls coming over but said she doesn’t keep these sized balls in her house as they are also a hazard for her toddler

Good. They can all go in the bin then. Just chuck away any you find in the garden.

Personally, I'd return the first bigger ball over any day unless it hits me, hits a dog or breaks something - if it does that then it goes in the bin. I'd also happily bin any more that came over that day.

Returning one ball a day is more than enough.

@PurpleWisteria1 Yes I definitely think a lot of it is excitement too. Especially with the middle boy, he is very vocal and makes very loud and odd noises when he is out by himself on top of manic ball kicking. I think it is lovely to hear that he is enjoying himself and I love hearing kids laughing and having a great time, especially being pregnant as I hope that my kids would be just as happy! It is literally just the ball situation and the majority are the heavy 'damage-doing' ones - I think if it was just soft or light flyaway ones I would definitely have less of an issue, plus I think that my dogs would get to them first and destroy them anyway before I could get there if I wasn't outside. If they only had one hard ball it would feel like it was easier as they would take the hit more being without their only hard ball. But they have at least 5 or 6 hard heavy ones plus basketballs. I forgot to mention these have also hit my bi-folds and sky lights too.

So I absolutely get that excitement will take over sometimes, I think this is just so constant it can only be inconsiderate carelessness knowing that there will be no consequences.

This used to happen to us. I threw the balls back, as hard as I could, aimed at their windows.

Any tiny chokeable balls are not hers, she's told you so. So just toss them in the bin.

You've warned her your dogs can wreck footballs ; so after the balls have been punctured just toss the evidence back over the fence. Her kids will soon learn to keep their footballs safe.

Some of it you’re being OTT like dreading a future bedroom change for an as yet unborn child BUT a lot of what you’re saying is perfectly reasonable. The odd football or tennis ball flying over a couple of times a day I think is fine but marbles and toy cars, as in things that could genuinely injure people is simply not on. I think raising the latter with your neighbour is needed. I’d also agree with others that waiting until they come and ask could be a plan, my DS has to go to next door if his football goes over.

I'd be having a word with your neighbour that 5 balls a day seems deliberate and points out the park only a few minutes away. Why can't the Mum take the kids to the park to play ball sometimes? I'd be asking her that question. I'd repeat if your dog chokes on a little ball, and has to go to the vets for expensive treatment you will be expecting her to pay the bill. In the meantime just throw away the little power balls, and if they ask say you have not seen them. Ask the Mum to buy the older children lighter balls as the heavy ones could hurt the new baby once it's here. If you say nothing, nothing will change. I'd also ask her if she can buy the net on poles. As for her toddler deliberately throwing things over the fence, she should be parenting the toddler and telling them no. If she made the toddler go into the house if he refused to stop throwing things over he would soon stop. I'd suggest that to the Mum too. I'd also tell her you are impressed her boys always say please and thank you, to take the sting out of it.

Get a big black plastic bag.
Go around your garden and collect up any ball that is there into the black plastic bag.
Leave said black plastic bag beside your bin (not in it). This is so that they can be handed back if/when you decide they can have them back.

Go around to your neighbour and tell them that you've asked that no more balls be thrown into your garden but as that hasn't been effective, going forwards, any balls will be collected up and put in a black plastic bag. At the end of the day or the weekend, the kids can knock to ask for their balls back. They will not be thrown back over the fence any more. It is up to the kids to look after their stuff from now on so no more throwing over the fence. Their ball will be gone until they knock for them back but you're also not going to be answering the door every 5 minutes. One knock at the end of the weekend or at the end of the week is all you'll put up with.

Remember though, that while they're chucking stuff into your garden (because they are old enough and can do it) whatever rules you put in place for their kids will probably be returned on your kids when it's their turn. Kids just love chucking stuff over the fence.

So baby can’t go outside on weekends, evenings, school holidays??? And why does a sleeping baby in a pram in an enclosed garden need to be constantly supervised?

I think I can say for sure that the OP's kids will not be kicking 5 balls a day into the neighbour's garden unless she has some personality transplant