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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset by this

279 replies

shortandpaleandoldandugly · 21/05/2023 17:24

Long awaited holiday following what has been, one way or another, a tough year. We are not going abroad but in this country to a place some distance from our home (about an 8 hour drive). The location is about 2 hours from when my in laws live.

Having asked DH for the details, which he has stupidly given them, they have decided to join us for part of the week.
DH thinks I'm unreasonable as they live so far away from us we don't see them often but I am upset that our one, short holiday this year will now become a family reunion and not the kicking back, fun week I'd hoped for. We did see the in laws around 4 months ago and they did plan to visit us this year but now won't because they can see us on our holiday instead!
AIBU for being upset?

OP posts:
GalileoHumpkins · 21/05/2023 17:27

I'd be fuming tbh.

MayBeeJuneSoon · 21/05/2023 17:29

I'd welcome it

But I do actually enjoy in laws company and if it's a short hol wouldn't travel that far

You must lose 2 days to the travelling

DannyLaRuesBestFrock · 21/05/2023 17:29

I would be a bit peeved, but it's a bit mean on your husband to show it.

How often do you see your own family?

I would just suck it up for my husband's sake.

Original poster
shortandpaleandoldandugly · 21/05/2023 17:30

@GalileoHumpkins thanks! I am- to the extent I'm considering cancelling the holiday all together and booking somewhere else.

OP posts:
HoofWankingSpangleCunt · 21/05/2023 17:30

No, you are not BU.

That wasn’t the original plan and it’s not fair to you to change or like that.

If they are anything like my ex in laws I’d be staying at home . But that’s not the point. You could be best friends with them and still not want your one week away hijacked like this.

Aspargustips · 21/05/2023 17:30

Why does it impact what you’re doing
make your plans and do them in laws can join or not 🤷‍♀️

Justmeandthedog1 · 21/05/2023 17:30

No you’re not being unreasonable, that is very unfair of them. I’m a mil and a grandmother, I’d never invite myself along on dc holidays, that’s their time to do what they want. When I visit for a few days I rent a cottage near their house.

Treesoutsidemywindow · 21/05/2023 17:30

I can see it from both sides really, you've obviously been looking forward to some couple time, with no pressures from the outside world, whereas your DH thinks that as it's relatively close to his parents, it makes sense for them to visit while you're there, both views are reasonable. However, I think you need to explain to DH how much you'd been looking forward to alone time, and ask him to make sure that his parents only visit for a day, as opposed to staying with you. You could tell them that you've checked with the holiday company, and they don't allow additional visitors. We run a holiday let, and that IS our policy, so you wouldn't necessarily be telling a whopper! That way, you both get what you want, without upsetting the IL's, although they really ought to be aware that inviting yourself on someone else's holiday is well out of order!

HoofWankingSpangleCunt · 21/05/2023 17:30

Sorry , typos.

Original poster
shortandpaleandoldandugly · 21/05/2023 17:31

@MayBeeJuneSoon we're adding a travel day/stop over at either end so won't lose time.

I haven't seen my own family for some time- much longer than the in-laws.

OP posts:
Notimeforaname · 21/05/2023 17:31

Yeah I'd rebook as well.

Original poster
shortandpaleandoldandugly · 21/05/2023 17:32

It's not couple time- we have two kids who are coming too. I don't have a great relationship with them as my thread probably suggests!

OP posts:
HoofWankingSpangleCunt · 21/05/2023 17:33

Who invites themselves on other people’s holidays anyway ?

That’s the height of rudeness.

HPFA · 21/05/2023 17:33

How long are they planning to be in the area? If they've just suggested meeting up for a chat and a lunch, then you are BU, anything much longer than that and they're being inconsiderate

Shinyandnew1 · 21/05/2023 17:33

they have decided to join us for part of the week

I don’t think anyone should invite themselves to come on someone else’s holiday for any part of it! I would be livid!

Original poster
shortandpaleandoldandugly · 21/05/2023 17:33

although they really ought to be aware that inviting yourself on someone else's holiday is well out of order

Exactly this! I can't ever imagine doing it. It's just plain rude.

OP posts:
Maray1967 · 21/05/2023 17:34

Yes I think I’d cancel and leave him the problem of explaining it to them.

finallygotospeaktoSky · 21/05/2023 17:34

I would go ape shit at dh if he did this. ILs are cfs for agreeing. It wouldn't cross my mind to hijack someone's holiday even if invited.

pikkumyy77 · 21/05/2023 17:34

The situation is just inherently different fir the in law vs the child. Adding your in laws makes it a guest/host situation but adding one’s patents makes it a family event. Of course the DH and his parents see this as easy and fun while for OP it transforms the event into a more formal, work, style event. I would refuse and tell DH that it is not the holiday you want.

Aquamarine1029 · 21/05/2023 17:35

My husband's life would not be worth living if he did this without my agreement.

Original poster
shortandpaleandoldandugly · 21/05/2023 17:36

The ILs very much invited themselves and added "unless you don't want to see us" just to make DH feel crap about saying no.

They are long retired with lots of holidays- we are very much not retired and really need a break away from it all.

I'm so pissed off about it.

OP posts:
FatCatBum · 21/05/2023 17:38

I'd be horrified that they unilaterally decided to intrude on our holiday. Maybe meet up for a day but certainly would not accept them joining us for part of the week.

FictionalCharacter · 21/05/2023 17:38

Yanbu at all. Did he invite them or did they just announce they were joining you? Either way they're crashing your holiday and it now isn't the holiday you organised.
Are they the kind of people who will want to come out with you every day?
I would be utterly furious with all of them, especially dh not just for doing it but for not understanding why you're upset.

Original poster
shortandpaleandoldandugly · 21/05/2023 17:38

The length has yet to be determined to be honest but even a day is more than I want to give up!

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 21/05/2023 17:39

I would cancel the entire trip or inform the inlaws they are not invited, and I would gladly tell them why. They don't give a fuck about your feelings, why should you care about theirs?