Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be upset by this

279 replies

shortandpaleandoldandugly · 21/05/2023 17:24

Long awaited holiday following what has been, one way or another, a tough year. We are not going abroad but in this country to a place some distance from our home (about an 8 hour drive). The location is about 2 hours from when my in laws live.

Having asked DH for the details, which he has stupidly given them, they have decided to join us for part of the week.
DH thinks I'm unreasonable as they live so far away from us we don't see them often but I am upset that our one, short holiday this year will now become a family reunion and not the kicking back, fun week I'd hoped for. We did see the in laws around 4 months ago and they did plan to visit us this year but now won't because they can see us on our holiday instead!
AIBU for being upset?

OP posts:
1FootInTheRave · 21/05/2023 17:39

Your in laws are rude af. And your dh is pathetic.

I'd be raging mad.

I love my in laws and go away with them regularly. But, that is pre agreed and planned.

GoodChat · 21/05/2023 17:40

I think this was probably inevitable considering you live so far away from them.

Who chose the location?

GalileoHumpkins · 21/05/2023 17:40

shortandpaleandoldandugly · 21/05/2023 17:30

@GalileoHumpkins thanks! I am- to the extent I'm considering cancelling the holiday all together and booking somewhere else.

I'd either cancel or tell him to take the kids and his parents while you stay at home and do your own thing.
I hate people who think it's ok to invite themselves to things.

LadyRos · 21/05/2023 17:41

I absolutely would be annoyed too

planthelpadvice · 21/05/2023 17:41

YADNBU.

Original poster
shortandpaleandoldandugly · 21/05/2023 17:42

Who chose the location?

Us and the kids really. They haven't been and wanted to go. It's two hours from them so not on the doorstep- avoiding places that distance away from theirs cuts off a lot of options!

OP posts:
Rogue1001MNer · 21/05/2023 17:42

Is your DH aware you find them tricky? If so, I'd tell him he sorts it or he and the kids go without you.

Have a staycation on your own instead

Original poster
shortandpaleandoldandugly · 21/05/2023 17:43

*Is your DH aware you find them tricky? If so, I'd tell him he sorts it or he and the kids go without you.

Have a staycation on your own instead*

He is indeed aware. This is absolutely an option and I've said so to him.

OP posts:
xPissflapsx · 21/05/2023 17:43

Book another holiday somewhere else, suddenly become really really poorly so can't go on the holiday with DP and he must go on his own and kids if you have them. He can't let them down!
Wave them off then you go on holiday on your own win win :)

LuckyPeonies · 21/05/2023 17:44

Send husband and kids on their own, and book in at a spa for the week.

Juiceboxxy · 21/05/2023 17:45

So in 20 years time, your kids move 8 hours away from you, they book a holiday 2 hours away which is doable in a day but they don't want to see you. That heartbreaking. They haven't see their son in 4 months, they won't be around forever, a much shorter time than they'd like ...

Let them come for the day, build relationships with their grandkids. Say they won't be able to stay but you'd love to see them Tuesday for xyz....

Coffeeandcards · 21/05/2023 17:47

shortandpaleandoldandugly · 21/05/2023 17:38

The length has yet to be determined to be honest but even a day is more than I want to give up!

Come on. You could give over a day to it!!

Original poster
shortandpaleandoldandugly · 21/05/2023 17:47

Let them come for the day, build relationships with their grandkids.

Well here's the irony, when they seen the grandkids they have very little interest in them.

OP posts:
FabFitFifties · 21/05/2023 17:47

This is a great opportunity for you to have a week at home alone, doing exactly what you want to do. The PIL could do the full week. They'd probably be thrilled, and it would be a long time before they needed to visit you. Do the DC enjoy spending time with them? YANBU.

Quinoawoman · 21/05/2023 17:47

For me, it would be entirely dependant on the inlaws. Will they help with the kids or will they expect to be waited on hand and foot by you?

FictionalCharacter · 21/05/2023 17:48

shortandpaleandoldandugly · 21/05/2023 17:36

The ILs very much invited themselves and added "unless you don't want to see us" just to make DH feel crap about saying no.

They are long retired with lots of holidays- we are very much not retired and really need a break away from it all.

I'm so pissed off about it.

In that case your DH is a spineless wet lettuce, like so many that MNers post about, and your in laws are selfish and manipulative. I'd be inclined to cancel and rebook something else.

I can't stand these men who put their parents' demands above their family lives with their wives and children.

Original poster
shortandpaleandoldandugly · 21/05/2023 17:48

Come on. You could give over a day to it!!

Yep, I could. I could give up the whole week. I don't want to because I want to relax on my one holiday with my own kids and DH and not have to play hostess to visitors.

OP posts:
FabFitFifties · 21/05/2023 17:50

Just tell them they can do a day visit, early on, then you can relax.

Coffeeandcards · 21/05/2023 17:50

shortandpaleandoldandugly · 21/05/2023 17:48

Come on. You could give over a day to it!!

Yep, I could. I could give up the whole week. I don't want to because I want to relax on my one holiday with my own kids and DH and not have to play hostess to visitors.

Giving over the whole week is very different to a day 🙄

determinedtomakethiswork · 21/05/2023 17:52

She doesn't like her in-laws. The in-laws are not interested in her children. Why should she want to spend her holiday with them?

DorritLittle · 21/05/2023 17:53

I’d be irritated. I’d then probably relent due to guilt trips like the pps are saying and spend the rest of the year feeling aggrieved about how little time I get with DH and the kids alone.

YANBU to say No.

7eleven · 21/05/2023 17:53

Are they actually planning on staying with you or in the area? Suck it up for a day for your husband’s sake.

DDivaStar · 21/05/2023 17:54

I get that you wouldn't want this but realistically I can see why they are taking the opportunity to see you. Personally I wouldn't have planned a holiday so close to them for this very reason !

5128gap · 21/05/2023 17:56

It doesn't matter how lovely they are, how infrequently you see them, how convenient it is for them, whether or not you can make the best of it...fact is, you wanted, planned and invested in one thing and they turned it into something else. YANBU.
That said, I've not the first clue what you can do about it without causing drama and upset, because if you tell them no/book somewhere else (without an excellent excuse) they're going to be hurt.

Original poster
shortandpaleandoldandugly · 21/05/2023 17:56

Personally I wouldn't have planned a holiday so close to them for this very reason

My mistake was a) I thought it was far enough away and b) I underestimated how rude they could be in gatecrashing. This thought never occurred to me as I wouldn't dream of it.

Lessons learned.

OP posts: