Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my DP needs to wake up to the fact that it’s his job to ferry our kids abojt

388 replies

Lifeswhatyoumakeit73 · 19/05/2023 22:21

We have 2 kids (11 & 15) and live in a city. DP just refuses lifts, refuses to ferry the kids about. I do most of the driving. DS 15 is on a sleepover tonight & I have been out with DD 11. DP refused to drive DS to his mates- DS was in tears as he hates going on the bus alone. Then DD 11 was in tears as she was too tired to walk home & we couldn’t get a taxi- DP refused to come & get us so we had to walk through the city.

I feel like he needs to wise up to the fact that at night it’s his job as a parent to make sure his kids are safe & to pick them up/ferry them about. It’s what I do but I had been drinking tonight so couldn’t. I am so pissed off- he behaves like a dick.

its our job to make sure the kids are safe ffs! aibu?

OP posts:
Pooterlie · 19/05/2023 22:23

YANBU

He is being ridiculous and awful. He should be careful as this sort of rubbish parenting will affect his relationship with the kids I'm sure.

I speak of experience.

Dotcheck · 19/05/2023 22:25

Yep- all he is teaching them is that they are not important to him.
They’ll pay him back one day

JediIsMyMaster · 19/05/2023 22:25

Any reason why the 15 year old refuses to use buses? I know my parents wouldn’t have been impressed with having to give me a lift when an alternative was available, and they were generally really good at agreeing to lifts!

CrapBucket · 19/05/2023 22:27

Yanbu- it’s part of parenting in the 2020s

Daffodil92 · 19/05/2023 22:27

YABU. A 15 year old living in a city with presumably decent public transport is more than capable. Learning to get around is a life skill-you are babying them.
And an 11 year old crying because they’re too tired to walk is silly.

coodawoodashooda · 19/05/2023 22:27

What a pig

Daffodil92 · 19/05/2023 22:28

Just to add-keeping them safe is a different story. Late at night or an unsafe area is different, but in the situations you’ve described you are being unreasonable.

Original poster
Lifeswhatyoumakeit73 · 19/05/2023 22:28

@JediIsMyMaster we live in a city- DS is quite anxious & Is fine navigating buses in the day but not in the evenings. I normally take but have been drinking tonight.

OP posts:
Silvergoldandglitter · 19/05/2023 22:28

Daffodil92 · 19/05/2023 22:27

YABU. A 15 year old living in a city with presumably decent public transport is more than capable. Learning to get around is a life skill-you are babying them.
And an 11 year old crying because they’re too tired to walk is silly.

I agree with this.

Thesunwillcomeoutverysoon · 19/05/2023 22:29

Become the ft driver. He can do something else.. Like ft chef/laundry person /cleaner..
But at 15 the bus should be a viable option..

Chowtime · 19/05/2023 22:30

Silvergoldandglitter · 19/05/2023 22:28

I agree with this.

Show quote history

I agree with this too. Everyone bloody crying coz they have to walk or get the bus. Teach them some resilience and robustness.

And if you don't want to walk home don't bloody drink!

BrutusMcDogface · 19/05/2023 22:31

You were out with your 11 year old and you were drinking? What?

Original poster
Lifeswhatyoumakeit73 · 19/05/2023 22:32

@BrutusMcDogface we’ve been at a gallery opening & I had a glass of wine! 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
cyncope · 19/05/2023 22:33

I kind of agree with him about not ferrying a 15 year old about when you live in a city.

Refusing to come and collect you when you couldn't get a taxi was shitty though!

EmmaEmerald · 19/05/2023 22:34

Sounds shitty

I could cry from tiredness now and I bet your 11 year old has had a hard week, being a child she has no choice over it either.

sometimes after school I'd just lie on the floor for ages.

thank goodness for being an adult...anyway, I think DP sounds mean. Btw do you have a regular cab firm? They will often help out regulars.

not sure re 15 year old and bus. If he's scared of other kids on the bus, I don't blame him.

Infusionist · 19/05/2023 22:34

A 15 year old in tears about getting a bus is ridiculous.

Ferrying kids about isn’t necessary in a city - a large percentage of the London parents I know don’t have cars.

Original poster
Lifeswhatyoumakeit73 · 19/05/2023 22:34

@Thesunwillcomeoutverysoon and I am the full time driver normally. DS has anxiety & doesn’t like travelling about the city alone after a certain time. I get it! Hence DP should take him 🤷🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
Radiodread · 19/05/2023 22:35

Ok...this has an odd tone about it but still...

15 year old boy needs to be encouraged to be independent and get the free (?) bus. You are not his slave.

The younger one... Are there SEND or disabilities or, like, a 7 mile walk? If not, then that child also needs to be presented with a grip.

Liorae · 19/05/2023 22:36

Silvergoldandglitter · 19/05/2023 22:28

I agree with this.

Show quote history

I agree. So is a fifteen year old crying because they don't want to take the bus alone. It sounds luke your husband realizes that this kind of infantilization is doing your children no favors, and wants them to start learning age appropriate independence.

Original poster
Lifeswhatyoumakeit73 · 19/05/2023 22:38

@Radiodread an odd time?

11 year old is knackered after a week in school & didn’t want to walk the fairly long walk home after we couldn’t get a cab.

15 year old is anxious & doesn’t like being on buses alone in a city in the eve- it’s a 2 bus journey to his mates. Not unreasonable to take him after a week in school surely?

OP posts:
Radiodread · 19/05/2023 22:39

No child will want to take the bus if a lift is on offer. It's amazing how quickly they can get over their reticence if it means they will otherwise miss out ;)

Obviously if there are long-standing and serious mental health issues then the parents should work together but if not... I'm with your husband. Sorry.

Original poster
Lifeswhatyoumakeit73 · 19/05/2023 22:40

@Radiodread sorry, an odd tone. It’s a city full of pissheads etc- what’s odd about my 15 year old being a bit anxious?

OP posts:
TAmum3 · 19/05/2023 22:42

Not sure why everyone makes plans, but then expects DH to be the taxi driver. If you know your 11yr old will struggle with the walk home, then don’t take her out at night when she’s tired, drink, and then have a go because someone else won’t come and get you. So DS makes plans, you make plans, DH can’t have plans because he needs to ferry you all around?
surely a simple “we’re going out, are you around to help?” Is a reasonable question but you then can’t kick off if the answer is no?

ManxRhyme · 19/05/2023 22:42

I wouldn't be happy for my 15 year old to catch a bus into the city alone at this time on a Friday night. I think that's just sensible parenting.

jolene7 · 19/05/2023 22:42

The best (and only) way to alleviate anxiety is to actually do the thing. By taking away his need to face a fear on demand, you're keeping him in it. He's 15 and shouldn't be scared of the world. Could this anxiety belong to you too?