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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my DP needs to wake up to the fact that it’s his job to ferry our kids abojt

388 replies

Lifeswhatyoumakeit73 · 19/05/2023 22:21

We have 2 kids (11 & 15) and live in a city. DP just refuses lifts, refuses to ferry the kids about. I do most of the driving. DS 15 is on a sleepover tonight & I have been out with DD 11. DP refused to drive DS to his mates- DS was in tears as he hates going on the bus alone. Then DD 11 was in tears as she was too tired to walk home & we couldn’t get a taxi- DP refused to come & get us so we had to walk through the city.

I feel like he needs to wise up to the fact that at night it’s his job as a parent to make sure his kids are safe & to pick them up/ferry them about. It’s what I do but I had been drinking tonight so couldn’t. I am so pissed off- he behaves like a dick.

its our job to make sure the kids are safe ffs! aibu?

OP posts:
shammalammadingdong · 21/05/2023 17:50

Is OP in hells kitchen or something?

Scunnered123 · 21/05/2023 19:11

CrapBucket · 20/05/2023 21:16

I am not convinced that many people saying the 15 yo should catch a bus have actually been on a bus lately.

Every day, morning, noon and night. I am not convinced many people saying he shouldn't catch a bus travel regularly on public transport. The perception of risk is interesting. I would have thought the risk of serious injury in a car accident was higher.

MichelleScarn · 21/05/2023 19:37

Hobbi · 21/05/2023 17:47

@MichelleScarn

Yep, those areas famously have gallery openings suitable for 11 year olds.

Maybe the terrifying people making the bus unsafe for the ds have been to the gallery opening?...

DemiColon · 21/05/2023 20:37

GetTheTrain · 21/05/2023 12:30

Anxiety doesn’t always need ‘tough love’. My son went through an anxious patch at 13. Felt that he might get mugged (his friends had been). He was nervous about walking to our local shops and avoided situations.

We listened, tried to ply him with logic and supported him without colluding. He overcame it himself and is now whizzing around the city at night at university miles from home. Confident and happy.

We never called him a snowflake, a wet lettuce or mocked him. His resilience eventually came from within.

I work in mental health and some of the attitudes towards an anxious older teen and a young tired kid here are pretty appalling. As adults, people remember the parents who supported and empowered them, but they also remember the ones who mocked them and were not there for them, and I can tell you it makes a difference.

No one is suggesting they mock their son, they are saying it's ok not to have an expectation that the parents ferry him around wherever he wants to go, and that he manage his own transport when possible.

ImAvingOops · 21/05/2023 21:26

"Yep, those areas famously have gallery openings suitable for 11 year olds."

Tbf in London it's about a 10 minute bus ride between the Elephant and Castle and Parliament - both very different areas. It doesn't follow that the journey home from the gallery is going to only be through nice areas.

Lcb123 · 21/05/2023 21:29

YABU. When I was 15 I would have been so embarrassed to get a lift. They sound very spoilt

manticlimactic0 · 21/05/2023 22:00

Lifeswhatyoumakeit73 · 19/05/2023 22:34

@Thesunwillcomeoutverysoon and I am the full time driver normally. DS has anxiety & doesn’t like travelling about the city alone after a certain time. I get it! Hence DP should take him 🤷🏻‍♀️

Then he comes home at a time he feels comfortable travelling at

manticlimactic0 · 21/05/2023 22:22

Hobbi · 20/05/2023 11:53

Ok.

Show quote history

😄

Whenisitsummer · 21/05/2023 22:37

I prefer my family checking with me that I am free to ferry them around. The assumption that I will just be available and couldn’t possibly have any plans of my own, I find frustrating. Is dp often asked to be a taxi service with little to no notice? Or is there a general refusal even when it’s something he’s been asked to do in advance and he has no plans of his own? My opinion would be guided by the circumstances, which I’m not totally clear on from the original post.

CabernetSauvignon · 22/05/2023 00:30

ImAvingOops · 21/05/2023 21:26

"Yep, those areas famously have gallery openings suitable for 11 year olds."

Tbf in London it's about a 10 minute bus ride between the Elephant and Castle and Parliament - both very different areas. It doesn't follow that the journey home from the gallery is going to only be through nice areas.

If this happened in London, OP would have no difficulty getting a cab or Uber. In fact, I struggle to believe that it's that difficult in any city.

CabernetSauvignon · 22/05/2023 00:33

OP, is your son planning on going to university? If so, how is he planning to get around when he gets there? Even if it's your home city, there's a lot going on in the evenings at universities and/or he may need an evening job. I hope he won't still expect you to ferry him around to everything?

Scalottia · 22/05/2023 07:11

I can't get past the fact that an 11 yr old and a 15 yr old were in actual tears for these reasons. OP you have to start teaching your kids to be more resilient - you are doing them no favours.

Changingplace · 22/05/2023 08:06

CabernetSauvignon · 22/05/2023 00:30

If this happened in London, OP would have no difficulty getting a cab or Uber. In fact, I struggle to believe that it's that difficult in any city.

Show quote history

I agree, especially a city that’s so big and scary people don’t want to get on a bus!

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