To not applaud Emma Willis for putting her children through hell?

[Royalbloo]

I don't understand how these people can be absolutely celebrated for putting their own children through something so awful.

Does anyone else understand where I'm coming from?

I have always put my child first and I don't get the adoration they're getting?

I left someone who was addicted in order to put my child first.

Children surviving being parented by people incapable of critical thought will be the next big one, there is a chronic lack of it UK-wide.

I watched it. Came away thinking he’s an arse, she’s a mug. At no point however, did I get the impression their kids have been put through hell, nor anywhere near it 🤷‍♀️.

My brother is a recovering drug addict (has been clean for over 20 years). He gave up when my SIL was pregnant but had a bad relapse when my niece was young.
My SIL did leave him briefly and I think that gave him the kick to get off drugs, although he had another relapse but he was never abusive. He has a fantastic relationship with his daughter.
Now I can't deny the years he was addicted were hell for everyone but if he'd been left he'd probably have killed himself.
My niece is now a qualified teacher so she hasn't been too badly affected by the early years of her life.
You felt it was right to leave which is fine but just because others choose to do something different doesn't mean you are better than them.

Same as ⬆️

She comes across as a wet lettuce and a bit pathetic really. He’s just a typical narcissist who thinks everything is about him. She is happy to indulge that. They’re made for each other really. I’m sure those children are not living through any sort of hell. The worst thing will be the embarrassment from this being on tv I expect - is that why the 14 year old didn’t appear?

You are projecting OP. You really don't know enough about their personal situation to make the comments you are making. You are assuming it was exactly like your experience. Either way, it's very unfair to blame the mother in this scenario.

Anyone can become addicted to substances it just takes a few steps. I wouldn't necessarily leave an addict i would if they were shooting up in front of the kids and stealing. Many addicts are functional and it's hidden.

I think lots of people are vulnerable in this story, honestly. That includes Matt.

He's three days out of rehab and describes himself as gripping the table during his wedding.

3 days post rehab is a vulnerable time to be getting married, isn't it?

No one CHOOSES to be an alcoholic, even if it appears that they are choosing drink over their family, it’s just not the case.

Sorry for your loss.

I couldn't agree more with this. I also had an alcoholic dad who never once abused us physically or emotionally. My mum did leave him though, because he was emotionally abusive to her when he was drunk.

He died when he was 50, and it was at that point that I realised he didn't choose to be an alcoholic, he had an illness. I'm so glad that even though my parents separated, he was still a part of my life.

I haven't seen the programme and can't as I am not in the UK, but you have all my respect OP for putting your child first.

It's mad though comparing the two different threads on the subject, you wouldn't think it was the same programme they are talking about.

And yes, the parent who is not addicted should take action to protect the children if the addict does not remove themselves from the family of their own accord.

You say you took extreme steps to remove your child from his influence but then go on to say that you blame yourself for a lot of what your daughter saw. So you (as the competent parent) didn’t protect your child by your own admission. Pot/Kettle springs to mind.

Interesting OP that you’re ignoring all the posts asking specifically what “hell” Emma Willis is putting her children through and pointing out that her husband has had one relapse since becoming a father, that she actually did take steps to shield her children from.

Maybe you’re just too busy congratulating yourself on being a better mother than she is.

Personally I think shoring up your own superiority complex by beating down somebody who has done absolutely nothing wrong is a pretty disgusting thing to do, and if you’re looking for somebody whose actions you can proclaim to be morally questionable, I would suggest that you begin with yourself, starting a thread encouraging people on the internet to slag off a stranger who hasn’t done anything to deserve it.

I thought she was amazing on the documentary. Matt seems to be trying to manage it in the best way possible. It may have been the best decision for you but it wouldn't necessarily be the best for them.

Would you also leave someone with a disability in the off chance it damaged your children?

Also let's not forget they probably earn a shed load more than you so he really can afford the best rehab. Every family is different.

She is a deluded and foolish woman if she actually thinks he will stay drink and drug free for the rest of his life.

Why? One of my parents was an alcoholic, they went to rehab & got clean 30 yrs ago. Never touched anything since.

@Blendintothebackground I agree with you. Yes there was some shit that came with having an alcoholic parent but in other wars they were fantastic & I understand it was their way of coping with pain. I'm quite sanguine about it all, I don't know anyone who didn't have some issue/trauma with their family/parents though.

@LizzieSiddal I haven't seen the program, but if he's been 'clean' for 8 years, I don't see why supporting him to get clean again isn't putting the children first.

he had a relapse after eight years, none of us are perfect & kicking out a parent who has made a mistake seems to me like punishing the kids, not putting them first!

And yours was 2 before you bothered leaving!!!!!!!!!!

You’re attacking @MayBeeJuneSoon for saying the exact thing you’re saying about another mother. You can’t answer what abuse this child at 6 month old suffered but you’re dying from the rooftops how you’re an excellent mum but had an older child who had suffered not a jot! Bollocks. You’re projecting and just want to take a stab at a woman you know won’t see this. It’s pathetic.

I'm would assume the worst affects of his addiction was not seen by his kids, and to them he was just another dad who worked away

I agree as well OP.

my relationship out of university was with a wonderful man - adored by all because he was so fun. But took me a while to click he was actually an alcoholic and when he'd got past the life and soul of the party bit, came home and was a nasty drunk, broke things, scared me, risked his job, police, casual drug use started, scuffles with his dad at 3 in the morning

he was a lovely man when not drunk but as the drinking got worse the more his personality changed, the party friends started to see he took it too far, it tumbled over into his working life so his job on a knife edge, the shouting and throwing at me turned into pushing and grabbing

i got pregnant - he was going to change - stopped drinking immediately, happy families, i was overjoyed - his acting out as a young man phase over, he was going to be a grown up. Then he came home plastered smashed up my flat, nicked my car to drive to a friends and I couldn't get keys off him so he threw me across the room. He drove my car into a tree and fled the scene, police visited me.

The most awful thing i've ever done was terminate the pregnancy after that. Left him shortly afterwards. He went through a load of other women over the next 20 years all trying to save him. some had kids with him, he became ostracised from family and long term friends, couldn't hold a job down and eventually took his own life 3 years ago, alone and in a gritty flat. Im glad i don't have to support a child with that

i feel desperately sorry for the children

You are ignoring all the aspects of her situation that are different than your own and continuing to insist she act like you did or else she is an awful mother. Her husband is not your ex.

There is no necessity to dump or remove children immediately from any parent who is struggling in a way that is impacting the kids- be that with drugs, drinking, anxiety, depression, chronic illness etc. If there is a safety issue, the children need to kept from harm but there is no wrongdoing in supporting a spouse or coparent in getting help and getting better as happened in this case. He had one relapse based on what was said and immediately got help and got better again.

Kids also suffer harm from not having their father in their lives. Families suffer harm from being lone parent families. In some cases, those situations are unavoidable but this isn't one of them. It seems that for the vast majority of their lives, these kids have had an involved, loving, sober dad. That is a good thing.

Women are to blame for everything it seems.

I can't understand why they both, as a couple, thought that making this documentary was a good thing from the pov of their children.

It might be cathartic or a "coming clean" thing for the adults. But the resulting publicity and internet gossip can only deeply damage their children.

Fml - i would say Emma willis was the opposite of a 'wet lettuce' after everything shes been through. And who knows maybe their kids are proud of the parents for publicising these struggles - expecially if it helps others

Ther reality is that 'somebody' has to bring these things into the open. We can't keep mental illness and addiction as dirty taboo secrets. Likely this documentary will lead to others getting help.

They already live fairly public lives as both Emma and Matt are public figures which means that their kids are already exposed in some ways AND they probably as parents know how to protect them. Additionally they may have talks to the kids about why they were doing it and will continue to ensure their understading of the documentary as they age. Nothing they shared is shameful or humiliating to their kids. Their two older kids are old enough to have potentially been consulted or agreed to it.

Well quite, I'm sure kids of popstars get used to alot worse 'Internet gossip'

None of us know what the impact has been on their children (and how could we know that separating them from the dad and the associated upheaval would have been a better result?)

My assumption from watching it was that Emma has done everything she can to support her husband and keep the family together. I imagine losing his family would have sent Matt on a downward spiral and I would definitely have felt guilt around that if it were my husband. What would the impact be on the kids if their dad had ended up on the streets/in prison/with serious associated medical conditions (or even dead)?

They’re not like the average family. They can afford to spend money and time on the best rehab. Surely it’s worth fighting to keep the family together if he’s a good dad on the whole?