To not applaud Emma Willis for putting her children through hell?

[Royalbloo]

I don't understand how these people can be absolutely celebrated for putting their own children through something so awful.

Does anyone else understand where I'm coming from?

I have always put my child first and I don't get the adoration they're getting?

I left someone who was addicted in order to put my child first.

Willis is capable of leading a positive life for his children. There’s the difference.

She’s a bright woman and financially independent. She has options. I think that if he’d abused the children or they’d witnessed him doing something awful to her, she would have given divorce some serious thought. The fact that they’re still together implies to me that the children were sheltered to a great extent. But I obviously don’t 100% know!

I suppose I just really do not understand why that behaviour would be at all tolerable (I'm sure she had some idea of when he was off his face - anyone who has been there does), and why this is being lauded as incredible behaviour.

I understand why she stayed but to be this isn't something to be celebrated.

In my opinion (perhaps mine only), we should protect our children from drunks, drug addicts and other such harms even if we lose someone we love.

I agree - particularly as I experienced a childhood with an alcoholic father. Yes he was to blame but much as it feels awful my mother also has blame for not leaving and not protecting us.

I think keeping your marriage vows is something to be celebrated. I promised “in sickness and in health” - didn’t you?

I understand OP- I was the daughter of an alcoholic, difference is my mother was dead so I only had my alcoholic dad- the scars it leaves on children is immense

I'm overjoyed at the prospect that I do not have to expose my child to this nonsense as a result of having left.

Women (not all, but more than ever) now have choices about the situation we live in and I think it's almost dangerous to glamorise this and to suggest that putting up and shutting up is the best way of handling this.

Does no one agree? Maybe I'm absolutely mad?

@Royalbloo In my opinion (perhaps mine only), we should protect our children from drunks, drug addicts and other such harms even if we lose someone we love.

He has had one relapse between now and the time when his oldest child was a very young baby so you what exactly would she be protecting her children from by ending the relationship? It doesn’t sound like they have lived a turbulent life at all.

You are making all sorts of claims on very
limited information.

Thank you - that is certainly what I tried to protect my child from

Absolutely not. And neither do social services where substance abuse is concerned.

*I think it's almost dangerous to glamorise this and to suggest that putting up and shutting up is the best way of handling this.

Does no one agree? Maybe I'm absolutely mad?*

You are mad because literally no one is saying the best way to handle addiction of a partner is to put up and shut up. Literally no one.

There's a long thread in Telly Addicts on this. Lots of people agree with you.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/telly_addicts/4808296-matt-willis-facing-addiction

I'm so sorry for your experience.

But this just highlights that the responsible adult (if there is one) has to take the road that is best for their child. They have to come first if one of you "ducks out"

That's really what she did do, so...

Thank you x

I saw the documentary and felt.emma looked resigned to putting up with the anxiety of living with someone who might be tempted again to fall into active addiction. You can tell she adores him. However I did think about the children and what they must have seen, he said they'd seen him out if it, I think that's what he said. I don't think touring with busted is a great idea in September if he is likely to be tempted by alcohol or drugs. But yep I felt for her, I think she thought after they got married the addiction was in the past. He looked like a proper addict to me, someone who is lost and searching for something in life, acceptance or love etc. Which paradoxically he will get from his audiences on tour..

Oh so you didn’t make those promises? Emma Willis has thought - and kept them as well as being a good mother.

If she was living in a council flat and the show business industry hadn't covered up for him, this would have been a case for social services.

Personally, I don't believe being a good mother includes living with, or tolerating the unpredictable behaviour of, a drug addict.

As a couple without children you can basically kick the shot out of each other and do whatever you want until the police intervene (social services told me this).

Once you have children in the house it is your DUTY to protect them from any harm.

I didn't see the whole programme, but what I did see was the beginning when he said that he was clean for eight years, from when he became a father. So when he did fall off the wagon, presumably she felt that he could be brought back again. He then went into rehab relatively promptly, didn't he? And it worked?

Those few months when he was doing drugs again must have been tough, but most people don't make decisions to leave their partners as quickly as all that, especially if they believe that they can come back from it.

But like I say, I didn't see the whole thing.

As someone who had an alcoholic mother, I do agree with you @Royalbloo

I felt so sorry for Matt but the children have to come first.

We don't know how much she and other family did to shield the children from the worst of his addiction. With money and free time it's easier to get them away, or live apart for a bit.

On the face of it I do agree that the needs of children need to be prioritised over the needs of either adult and their desire to maintain a relationship.

So if Matt's difficulties are ongoing and impact family life then they'd be better living apart. The effects of addiction don't just go away when someone stops using. Ongoing mental health issues, physical impact, replacing the addiction with other harmful behaviours.

Sometimes it really is better for the children to walk away.
That's on him though, he could also choose to put them first.

But addicts, be it alcohol or drugs, are very varied are they not? Functioning addicts do just that - function, with minimal impact on anyone but themselves.

Not at all addicts are violent or unable to carry out every day life.

That blurs the lines.

Those types of addicts definitely won’t speak out about needing help if they know they will be consigned to the bin of humanity in doing so.

Emma Willis is far from stupid or unsupported, her choices may be different to yours but that doesn’t make her wrong or a bad parent. Matt, given he has remained sober bar one relapse, is not a de facto bad parent because he has a substance issue.

Let's also remember that this family have access to resources that most people don't so please don't start bashing other people for not leaving just because you found a way to. Life is not that simple.