To not applaud Emma Willis for putting her children through hell?

[Royalbloo]

I don't understand how these people can be absolutely celebrated for putting their own children through something so awful.

Does anyone else understand where I'm coming from?

I have always put my child first and I don't get the adoration they're getting?

I left someone who was addicted in order to put my child first.

mayjoobsoon

Why the negative and awful messages if you're doing exactly what I said and 100% taking this all on for the benefit of your babies? Sounds like you're doing a brilliant (but difficult) job all on your own?

Sounds like you created this thread to feel better about yourself. Maybe you do need that validity but it should not be by putting someone else down.

Maybe you need therapy to come over this.

@Royalbloo I watched the beginning today. Felt he gave lip service - ‘everyone talks about the addict, not the pain they cause’ then spoke about himself at length, glamourising boozing/partying while she buried everything away, quite literally in a sock drawer. I didn’t watch the rest, too sad.

I too, left an addict and took my children somewhere safe. It wasn’t easy, but was essential for all of us.

what is right for their children I truly don’t know, but agree that the programme showed the parents going through this heavily unresolved issue and a dad clinging on to sobriety for dear life, very sad.

As a child growing up with one alcoholic parent, I have to say I am forever thankful to my father for his constant support and sticking with my mum through her darkest times.
Yes, there were scary moments that will stay with me but I would have been far more damaged if I had been severed from my mother.
My Dad’s enduring love and support kept us all together as a family, supported my mum through her addiction and taught us all valuable lessons of tolerance and understanding about mental health which has made us all capable and emotionally aware young women. He’s a hero… as is my Mum who has been sober many years now. Obviously all situations are different but it definitely isn’t black and white and people should feel empowered to make their own decisions on what is best for their respective families.

Jeez where is the compassion for someone who made a different choice. It doesn’t make her a worse person or parent.

I was/am an addict (alcohol) I think for me anyway it’s an easier position to be in than the family member, I feel for her.

helloword

Not at all: have you read the thread? The associated publications and the voices of survivors? Or not?

There is a point where any parent has to protect their children from harm by the other and this is what this is about. She is being celebrated for tolerating unacceptable behaviour. I don't agree with the entire sentiment.

No woman should be applauded for tolerating , and exposing their children to, druggies and alcoholics.

Unless you disagree?

Off to bed now. Night all.

Exactly my experience but the alcoholic parent was my father.
It wasnt easy but we came through it - all of us together.
Not all families are the same OP.

OP, should people judge you for giving your DC an addicted parent who they can’t live with? People could equally ask you why you didn’t pick a better father for your DC.

It would be cruel to judge you like this though. And your judgement of Emma is also cruel. You don’t know what their DC saw or didn’t see. It’s odd to critique with so little knowledge of them.

This!

Different experience but absolutely applaud anyone who has the strength to keep their family together where addiction/mental health issues are concerned. It's not easy and there is very little support available. Alcoholics/drug addicts are not generally dangerous but they do need and deserve help. I would like to see less judgement here. No one chooses to be an addict and everyone deserves a second chance.

There has to be some balance. Posters are talking about MH and addiction problems as if they trump a child's well being. I grew up with a screwed up mother, I wish she had put me into care. I then ended up in a bad relationship probably in part due to my childhood. My ex had MH problems and was violent. I left, no one deserves that and his MH is not mine or my child's responsibility.

It takes a certain type of person to judge another parent and proclaim themself better than them despite knowing very little about their day to day life.

OP made the best decision for her and her DC. Other parents make different decisions. They make other choices. They do their best. Some, tragically, don't do their best. But unless there is clear abuse or neglect (in which case a prompt call to social services should be made), then I don't think it's anyone's place to judge.

Oh I get it op. Pp saying you should honour your vows, in sickness and health,

when you husband tears your life a part for a drink and puts your child at risk from his behaviour, yeah those vows are broken and you are free to walk. And I did. Our son was 18 months old and I refused to let my ex husbands behaviour tarnish my sons childhood.

by far the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. That was 7 years ago and it STILL breaks me to think about what I had to leave behind to protect my child.

i don’t think anyone can comprehend the absolute devastation addiction (in my case alcoholism) does to the family. All well and good when you can afford the best therapy and support, on a glossy tv show.
the reality is if he wasn’t a well know personality; they didn’t live in nice houses and have money to go on holidays and rehabs to recover, the outcome isn’t so rosy or kind.

its fucking brutal and it’s changed my life irreparably forever, I’ll never forgive my ex for shredding our lives to pieces, make no mistake about it, if you take your child out of a family because of addiction, that is not the easy way out. That is the hardest thing anyone will ever do and I wish every day I could trade places with someone to forget that just for a day.

There's a big difference between an addict who wants to get help and improve their life and one that doesn't. You also need to remember they are in a very blessed situation where he has quick access to private rehabs before things go to far

So OP ,are you saying that anyone who has had an addiction that they have conquered and probably still fighting are not entitled to family life ?
You come across as very judgmental because your experience was awful ..not the case for many others !

How does anyone know what exactly these children were exposed to? He relapsed on tour. Maybe they didn’t see anything untoward. Maybe she shielded them from everything? What a horrible thread.

@Royalbloo why do you ignore responses? She DID ‘protect’ her child - by leaving- subsequent children where born after he was in remission and he has not used since

stop projecting it’s not healthy

on this entire thread you have consistently failed to give any ‘reason’ why she put her child at risk or any consistent argument for you vitriol

I agree with other posters - you are slagging her off to boost yourself and that’s not healthy so I am out

i hope someone will start a rational, compassionate and engaging thread about this

This.

Having a short-lived relapse is MASSIVELY different to living with someone for years who has no inclination to sort themselves out. You're making a very false equivalence.

You did what you thought was best and have raised your child as a single parent, not the best thing but you chose to leave. They chose to stay together and obviously have the means to seek outside help, she could have left if she wanted, she's successful and I'm sure not stuck money wise, but she stayed and her kids still have their dad around rather than a broken home. Assuming the kids are shielded from his behaviour (I assume he falls off the wagon on tour) they won't be aware of what is going on. It's Emma that has had to put up with it. It's her life and choices, not really for anyone else to comment on unless you are in their marriage and really know what goed on!

Sickness yes. Not putting yours, your children nor your partner at risk.

being an alcoholic risks your children. My own experience was my stepfather drove us whilst drunk. He was not able to react to risky situations like crossing the road. He often passed out smoking a cigarette. We were lucky not to have died in a fire.

he also took illicit substances that left him hallucinating. I remember it vividly.

a violent man taking drugs that leads to hallucinations increase the risk of violence.

taking the drugs also exposed us children to people we shouldn’t have been exposed to. Namely dealers and other users.

We had stuff stolen. We were always broke. Hungry. I remember being hungry a lot. Didn’t get to do much unless someone else paid for it.

in sickness and in health does not mean accepting any of the above.

marriage is a partnership. One where you support the other in almost all eventualities. It should be one that bolsters the well-being of the other and the children within. Not one where you have to check your home and hide the empties or teach your kids to put your step father in the recovery position so he didn’t vomit and die whilst he was pissing himself when comatose from drink.

and believe me there were times where I didn’t want to do that. Saw him Lying there thinking I should just leave and hope he chocked to death because leaving someone to die felt the lesser evil than living through that.

None of that applies to Emma Willis.

Last time he relapsed was on tour when their youngest was 10 months old.
He's going back on tour this year, that would be a big nope from me.
Why would he do that?

God yeah, that's 63% of the UK population in the bin for struggling with their weight.

They are lucky enough to have the resources and support for him to go to rehab but let's be realistic he has to work on that everyday!!

The fact is he decided to get the help, only he can make that choice. She probably worries everyday about whether he will stumble.
We don't live in a perfect world, people have addictions and some beat the demon down and others let it take over.

I wish my family would have had the resources to help my Dad battle his addiction. Being the child of a dead addict isn't any fun either. It hurts, every single day. The self doubt, questioning why weren't we enough to stop you killing yourself with addiction?
You hear all the stories of the before, the person he once was. Not to mention the good memories I have of him (yes there is bad ones too).

Good on Emma Willis for sticking by her husband and allowing time to get clean and be there for his children.
If she hadn't, she would be the mother of 3 children who's Dad died to addiction, they could join the party of children and the hurt that a dead addict parent brings.
Instead they get to live with 2 imperfect parents who face challenges, get things wrong but do there best to fight back them demons and be present.

Opinions are like….you know the rest of the phrase.

Depending on viewpoint, circumstance, personality and/or tolerance, everyone handles their own circumstances differently and not necessarily how others would.

In my job, I’ve seen children experience more emotional neglect from a teetotal, socially upstanding, highly functioning parent than an addict parent. Neither situation is ideal. It is always a spectrum.

It’s obvious that children should be shielded from any substance abuse and the fallout it brings. I haven’t seen the programme but I gather from previous posts that the mum (and sometimes dad or even other family members) have been the bridge and the gatekeeper. That’s the reality of life for many more families than you would think.

I admire the parents who take their kids away if it gets too much, I also admire the ones who try to make things work daily - they are probably just about getting by.

Judging them isn’t helpful iand probably just makes them feel more isolated and less likely to seek help or support.

Every person has their issues, many of which stem from their parents' choices and behaviours.

Some children grow up with parents who are addicts. Some grow up with parents who are unforgiving judgemental and incapable of critical thought.

No one gets out of childhood unscathed.