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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is this horrible from DH ?

222 replies

fumpster · 19/05/2023 10:12

Married 15 years, together 25.
Recently, DH says to me:
Don't tell me about your dreams from last night. Dreams are not real and I won't want to hear about made-up drivel.

Plse don't tell me what you are doing next at home, you do not need to narrate your life to me and I do not want hear you narrate your life. This is in response to situations where e.g. we are watching TV together then I say I am going upstairs for a bath/bed or I say I am going to lock the front door or I say I've forgotten to put the dishwasher on, I'll just go and do it, type of thing.

AIBU to say this is not very nice or am I being too much or a princess by getting upset about it ?

OP posts:
Chamomileteaplease · 19/05/2023 10:15

Regarding the dreams I am with him 100%. Other people's dreams are the most boring thing in the world. Did you often tell him your dreams?

With regard to the rest, sadly it sounds like you are getting on his nerves. Do you think you spend enough time apart? Because IMO it's normal to say you are going to bed or whatever but maybe you do it too much?

I do remember when first moving in with someone aeons ago, I said, do we have to tell each other when we are going to the loo?! It's a funny one.

ANiceSliceOfCake · 19/05/2023 10:16

He could of put it nicer tbf, but I do agree with him. Can’t stand it when people just talk for talking sake. Yes I’m old and grumpy ;-)

cocksstrideintheevening · 19/05/2023 10:17

DH narrates his life and it is FUCKING INFURIATING.

Nicknacky · 19/05/2023 10:18

My mother in law used to narrate and it was so so irritating. You don’t need to tell him you are putting the dishwasher on, just get up and do it!

brunettemic · 19/05/2023 10:18

He’s being a bit of a twat about it but I can see his point. I suspect if you ask him he’d think he said it differently and it’s just a communication thing.

Original poster
fumpster · 19/05/2023 10:18

@cocksstrideintheevening can i ask why it annoys you so much. Trying it understand where DH is coming form here !

OP posts:
bingbangbongding · 19/05/2023 10:19

You don't need to tell him you are putting the dishwasher on. It's likely irritating him.

I enjoy hearing about people's dreams but lots don't.

He's communicating with you clearly, maybe too clearly! Ha

ZekeZeke · 19/05/2023 10:19

He could have expressed himself in a nicer way.
I remember my dreams, every single night and tell DH.
DH just laughs

Crikeyalmightey · 19/05/2023 10:21

He is being mean. Your patio needs replacing. 😏

yellowsmileyface · 19/05/2023 10:21

Agree with others, he could've been nicer about it but I get where he's coming from. I'm the kind of person who enjoys peace and quiet, so it can be tiring when someone feels a need to fill the silence.

cocksstrideintheevening · 19/05/2023 10:22

fumpster · 19/05/2023 10:18

@cocksstrideintheevening can i ask why it annoys you so much. Trying it understand where DH is coming form here !

It's just so mundane, he's an adult who can go and lock the front door or put the dishwasher on without having to let me know, just do it!

I'm going to the shops / out for a run whatever - fine as it's letting me know something the useful.

MissCrowley · 19/05/2023 10:22

@fumpster because it's boring drivel and feels like you're trying to fill a silence.
Do you have any other conversations apart from what you're planning on doing next?
I'm with a pp that other peoples dreams are boring as hell.
Also I'd give my DH a funny look if he was telling me all the time what he was doing.

BreviloquentBastard · 19/05/2023 10:23

I agree with him about the dreams to be honest. My husband dreams very vividly and every morning I get a play by play of last night's dream. I put up with it because I love him and it's one of only two things he does that annoys me so on balance it could be worse 😂

As for the other thing that does sound a bit unkind. I do think this is just a case of differences of personality, constant narration can be annoying but I think he was a bit unkind in how he told you.

OnSusansFloor · 19/05/2023 10:24

Sounds like my DH. But he is very succinct and I am very verbose. We both get on each others nerves in that regard and occasionally grumble or snap at the other one for it, but our relationship is overall kind and affectionate. He is definitely more blunt than me though, and much more likely to phrase his annoyance as your DH has done. I'm more likely to phrase it so subtly that he has no idea what I'm talking about!
Agree with a PP that you might be spending too much time together - are you both at home most of the time?

TheShellBeach · 19/05/2023 10:24

Other people's dreams are very tedious.
I am not sure why he's being rude to you regarding the rest of your post, the narrating side of it.
He doesn't sound very kind.

isthewashingdryyet · 19/05/2023 10:24

Mine can either get up and put the dishwasher on and come back, or go for a bath, or even go out. I much prefer it when he tells me, so I can do a wee before he hogs the bathroom for an hour, or lock the doors so I feel safe

DurdleLau · 19/05/2023 10:25

I think he could’ve said it in a kinder way, but I’m one of those who finds other peoples dreams incredibly boring. I would usually only narrate what I’m doing/about to do when OH isn’t pulling his weight.

PelvicFlora · 19/05/2023 10:25

He's being a contemptuous dick.

Perfectly normal to say to your partner that you're going to go and have a bath. This is information you'd assume they might want to know, otherwise they'd be left wondering why you'd just got up and left them alone on the sofa without a word. Or is that how he wants it to be?

Constant wittering and interruption of people's peace is one thing (looking at you MIL) but it doesn't sound like that's what you're doing?

Soonenough · 19/05/2023 10:26

Good have put it in a nicer way though I do agree with him . You might think it is just normal conversation but I would refer to it as mindless prattle. Some people don't mind but it is obviously getting on his nerves. However I think it was unkind to hurt your feelings like that .

TokyoSushi · 19/05/2023 10:28

He could have said it more kindly, but maybe he does have a point. I'll say when I'm going somewhere, like 'I'm going for a shower' or whatever, but I wouldn't say I was going to put the dishwasher on etc.

AgentProvocateur · 19/05/2023 10:28

Sorry - I’m with your DH. I like it when people only talk if they’ve got something interesting to say 😂

TriceratopsRocks · 19/05/2023 10:29

There is a difference between constant narrating (which absolutely can be infuriating) and the things in your OP, like "Oh I've forgotten to turn the dishwasher on" which would be polite to explain why you are getting up and walking away from him. If you were watching TV together and one of you just got up and left without saying anything, to me, that would be the really odd thing.

ShirleyPhallus · 19/05/2023 10:30

I’d rather gouge my eyes out with a spoon than listen to someone else’s dreams. Literally the most boring thing in the universe.

ChimChimeny · 19/05/2023 10:32

I actually think it would be weird and a bit rude if you are watching TV with someone and they just get up and leave the room without saying anything (it sounds like you are watching TV together). If one of us leaves the room for something we'll say if we want it pausing or not, so we don't miss anything if we don't want to

AllIeveknewonlyou · 19/05/2023 10:32

Is he grumpy in general or was this unexpected?

I can be a bit stream of consciousness tbh 😳

I wanted to ask bf something difficult to ask the other night so I asked if we could play quid pro quo. I ask him a question and he ask me a question. Don't think he minded too much, although I already knew he wouldn't want to ask me a question. He seemed alright with it though, I went to go to bed and he followed me quickly upstairs afterwards after he had been pretending to be sleepy (to avoid questions!).

DH said it in quite an abrupt manner so speak to him about that but don't make it accusatory.

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