Is this horrible from DH ?

[fumpster]

Married 15 years, together 25.
Recently, DH says to me:
Don't tell me about your dreams from last night. Dreams are not real and I won't want to hear about made-up drivel.

Plse don't tell me what you are doing next at home, you do not need to narrate your life to me and I do not want hear you narrate your life. This is in response to situations where e.g. we are watching TV together then I say I am going upstairs for a bath/bed or I say I am going to lock the front door or I say I've forgotten to put the dishwasher on, I'll just go and do it, type of thing.

AIBU to say this is not very nice or am I being too much or a princess by getting upset about it ?

My mum has always done this. My dad is no longer with us but when he was, he’d get this constantly. He actually went deaf and I’m convinced it was because he was so sick of listening to it. But to be fair to you, we don’t quite know how much you’re narrating.

My mum went through a phase of telling my dad (and everyone within earshot), the status of all his underpants ie ‘I’ve put your underpants in the wash’, ‘You’re underpants are on the radiator’ etc. It was amusing but it’s a lonely life being with someone so lacking in self-awareness.

What on earth makes you think OCD?

My mother does this and it drives me bananas.

"I'll just go and get a glass of water", " I need the toilet, I'd better go", " I think I will change my socks", " I'll put this biscuit wrapper in the bin".

It is ongoing throughout the day.

I would tell DH if I was going for a bath rather than just vanish for an hour, and also because we only have one bathroom and an old tank heating/water system so he might say ok I was going to have one later could you boost the water while you're up there (a bath is a full tank). Shower I wouldn't I'd just go unless he was waiting for me to do something egbif weed agreed we would watch something together I'd say I do still want to watch x I'm just going to have a shower first.
The rest I would find either pointless I'm going to do the dishwasher, I'm going to lock the door (ok why do I need to know this?) and would frankly assume it was a passive aggressive dig eg I'M going to do the dishwasher because YOU didn't do it (again)

Do you also regularly reply all to emails at work?

As to why it's actually annoying...

Because when someone is relaxing, watching tv, reading, listening to the music etc they do not need constant random shit chatter droning away in the background distracting rhem. He doesn't need to know you're standing up out of the armchair to go and lock a door. Save your talking for when you're having a conversation.....you should talk WITH your other half, not AT him.

My poor Dad often gets blamed for not remembering something and he'll just say "Well of the 4 billion pieces of information you give me each day I'm bound to forget one of them".

Listening to someone's dreams is painful to the point of torture for me - I can't bear it, doesn't matter who it is.

It does sound like he is getting irritated with you. As I am getting older I definitely have less tolerance for unnecessary conversation so I can understand to an extent.

It's definitely reasonable to say you are going to bed or having a bath but maybe you could cut down the stream of consciousness a bit.

Someone said about scripts. I can predict exactly the line my mum will come out with when I say any particular thing. And if she doesn’t say anything I know what she’s thinking! So I often stop myself saying something because I’ve already run through the conversation in my head and there’s no point wasting energy.

My mum says ‘Well I have to keep repeating myself because you never listen!’. Yes mother, it’s because I’d go completely insane if I didn’t tune you out most of the time!

It's not very nice of him but I do get it. DH tells me of things I've done in his dreams sometimes and I find that annoying - as if he is blaming me for what goes on in his mind. But to be fair, I do tell him mine sometimes.

We've been together over 30 years and I do get bored of his conversation at times, and I'm sure, vice versa. He'll tell me stuff I already know and keeps going even when I say he's told me before. I also feel his anecdotes are far longer than they need to be. But also I'm not known for being concise!

I'd say I'm not as content with the relationship as I once was, but maybe that's down to the stresses of life etc. Its harder to have quality times together than it used to be. They say relationships take work, and when we get some time away from hone, just the two of us, it does feel better.

He did at least ask politely so I'd take it seriously and have a look or make a list of all the things I'd felt it necessary to say to him that day. You will then be able to see if you have been narrating your life and which of the comments could usefully be dropped. You should be able to have comfortable silences without feeling the need to fill the silence with words.

Try to stop yourself from saying something if you know that it isn't really necessary or useful to anyone to know. For the dreams, try putting a small notebook next to your bed and noting them down in that if they are interesting rather than telling him. You could also phone a friend for a catch-up and share your day and listen to theirs if you do need to talk to someone a bit more.

I think it has upset you as it seems he is telling you not to talk to him which is hurtful. If you feel that that may be the case, then give him some space. I'd go out, or meet up with a friend, or go to cinema or whatever and no need to tell him about it.

This may sound harsh, but I agree he finds you irritating these days.

Maybe this relationship has run its course from his POV?

I am a mardy cow, and wouldn’t stay with someone who wasn’t thrilled to be with me, hear about my fascinating dreams, and be interested in my day.

Absolutely no point in telling people about dreams or listening to the drivel .

Having to listen to someone's dreams is like being held hostage. I'm not interested and it's not real so why are we having this conversation. The narration seems fairly normal to me, it saves him asking where you're going if you were to just jump up from the sofa.

I find other people’s dreams really interesting. Fascinating what our brains do while we’re sleeping.

This is why I have a best friend. I tell her that kind of stuff

I do get where he's coming from about the life-narration - I have relatives who do this and it drives me nuts! I don't know if they want a response, but if they do all I can think of is
Oh. Right.
Good idea.
Good for you.
Great stuff.
Good to know.
Yes I'll probably do that myself at some point.

But I'm not sure I could keep the sarky tone out of my voice so I keep schtum😁But then I wonder if they're trying to guilt me out about something? Like, 'I want you to acknowledge that I'm taking the bins out'? But it's trivial things that I do myself anyway so I've decided it can't be that. Obviously things like 'I'm going up to bed now' have a point, because things would be pretty bad if you just went off in silence, but all the other stuff. I'd be genuinely interested to know OP!

Dreams though, I quite like hearing about dreams.

Was he always like this or suddenly became so grumpy and irritated?
I don't like talkers too, but if he never had a problem with this or engaged in conversation, something's wrong. Oooor, you just talk constantly and he just can't take it anymore 😂
My mum talks ALL THE TIME. I don't know how dad copes with her. She even comments loudly what's on offer in the supermarket, or when you read something and then give her the same thing to read, she'll do it loudly. Can't sit quietly for even a minute, it's very tiring.

That's true. I think it's different to "I'm off to bed, good night". Constant narration as "Oooh, I forgot to lock the door, I'll better do it now" or "I'm gonna pour myself some water" is unnecessary. Just go and do it.

Male here. The only dreams I don't mind hearing about are sex ones which involved me

Urgh. Thanks for letting us know you are a male. Couldn't have worked it out from your first sentence 🙄

But aside form that, what does you being a big manly manly who likes to hear about sex dreams, have to do with your post?

Sounds like he is just a bit sick of you to be honest, and thats ok when you are together for so long. Its just irritation, I wouldn't read too much into it. Sometimes i'm in a room and DH walks in and I want to scream at him to F OFF simply cos I don't feel like talking, so instead I might say through gritted teeth, I'm just doing something right now, or I just want a few mins to myself, and then I get told off for having a "hostile tone". He does understand though, I just like to be alone a lot and its not personal. If I have my quiet time I'm happy spending time with him another time. Maybe a few nights a week you guys go into different room to chill out separately.

I think he's being nasty. Isn't chatter like that just part of daily life. I'd be furious at being told to shut up!

He didn't say he wasn't interested in her or her day.

He said she didn't have to tell him what she was doing everytime she left the room.

He knows. They've been together 25 years, after 25 years of '"i'm going for a bath, going to lock the door, going to empty the dishwasher" that if she leaves the room, she's going to be doing one thing off a small list of things that she's been doing for the last 25 years.

Ninety per cent of what comes out of people's mouth is inconsequential. It's called conversation. Edit that out, and you won't be left with much.

Conversations involve a to and fro.

"I'm going to unload the dishwasher" isn't conversation or an invite for a conversation. It's a statement.

People telling you about their dreams is THE most boring thing. They might as well say ‘blah blah blah’. It simply doesn’t matter and is a waste of breath. When I was at uni, a girl I lived with did this. I used to dread the run down every morning of last nights dream. Even if I’ve had a particularly funny / odd dream I make a point of never telling anyone. No one cares.

My husband talks far too much too, he tells me things I have no interest in at all. He even starts the sentence with ‘I know this won’t interest you but…’. Some people talk too much, I tell him he needs to edit himself. It’s all got far worse since lockdown and WFH, it’s like there’s no escape from the monotony of all the domestic crap. For example he’ll say ‘I’m going to mow the lawn this weekend, but I’ll put the blades on a lower setting so blah blah. I wouldn’t dream of letting him know that I’ve changed the washing machine setting or bought different detergent, because it’s so bloody dull. Sorry, but I can see his point OP.