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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this horrible from DH ?

222 replies

fumpster · 19/05/2023 10:12

Married 15 years, together 25.
Recently, DH says to me:
Don't tell me about your dreams from last night. Dreams are not real and I won't want to hear about made-up drivel.

Plse don't tell me what you are doing next at home, you do not need to narrate your life to me and I do not want hear you narrate your life. This is in response to situations where e.g. we are watching TV together then I say I am going upstairs for a bath/bed or I say I am going to lock the front door or I say I've forgotten to put the dishwasher on, I'll just go and do it, type of thing.

AIBU to say this is not very nice or am I being too much or a princess by getting upset about it ?

OP posts:
fatsdominospizza · 19/05/2023 11:26

NOTHING in the world is more annoying than someone droning on and on about a dream they had. I would happily lie awake listening to my OH snoring like an elephant having sex than listen to him relay one of his dreams to me.

JulieHoney · 19/05/2023 11:28

He should have phrased it more sensitively but I don't blame him about the dreams. No one ever wants to hear other people's dreams. They are beyond tedious.

I do appreciate "I'm just popping to the toilet" or whatever when someone stands up and leaves the room, because that tells me yes, they are coming back in a moment as opposed to wandering off to do something else and our conversation/telly watching is over for now.

Endless life narration isn't necessary, but communication is. It's hard when you and your partner are on different ends of the scale for that.

CateringPanic · 19/05/2023 11:30

I think your DH is being mean!

We always discuss our dreams - I think they’re funny.

Hollyppp · 19/05/2023 11:31

I can't stand hearing others dreams.

I don't mind stuff like I'm putting the dishwasher on or going to have a bath now, that's helpful communication.

YouNeverSeeTheRealMe · 19/05/2023 11:33

Men aren't interested in small talk (my husband and sons tell me so). They like facts, figures, and don't care for "chatter" like we do.

Try telling your husband you're not interested in his work/mates/sport/hobbies, see how he likes it.

wildfirewonder · 19/05/2023 11:33

He sounds like a miserable sod.

It is pretty normal IMO to say 'I'm going for a bath'. It would be weirder in our house to just walk out of a room.

The dream thing - depends how long and how often. Everyone has the odd dream worth discussing, full blown analysis or daily dream decoding would get on my tits.

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 19/05/2023 11:34

He could have been a bit more polite but tbh I totally agree with him 😬

DH is always telling me what he's doing and it's really irritating - it's like he wants praise for doing the most mundane jobs.

I tend to say "well done, would you like a medal?!" which tends to shut him up 😂

CovertImage · 19/05/2023 11:35

I agree that the dreams would be irritating but not everything else. What sort of a relationship is it if she has to walk on egg shells wondering if the next thing she has to say to him may be judged to be boring or trivial?

Lcb123 · 19/05/2023 11:35

He could have said it more nicely, but I get where he's coming from. My DH likes to narrate (saying, I'll do washing up, then do that email, then this... ). I can be irritating!

coffeecupsandwaxmelts · 19/05/2023 11:35

Try telling your husband you're not interested in his work/mates/sport/hobbies, see how he likes it.

I tell DH that all the time 😂

Chypre · 19/05/2023 11:36

Its not nice but putting up with hearing the same thing about same routine for 25 years is not that nice either. After all these years people can tell what other person is doing in the house based on the sound of floorboards, switches etc - that's the kettle, that's dishwasher, that's definitely the stairs and its Thursday so she's having a bath.

baddecisions11 · 19/05/2023 11:36

I think he's being a dick. I always tell DH what I'm
doing as I like him to do the same. Because If he randomly got up and left the room I'd say where are you going??? Lol

Retire50 · 19/05/2023 11:36

I dreamt about Simon Cowell the other night! I blame it on the menopause. My husband was very amused 😂I was horrified 😱. Seriously my husband of 20 years said to me the other day ‘end of conversation’ about some trivial thing I was nagging him about cooking I think and I said ‘take that back or this will be the last conversation I ever have with you’ we just laughed. It all depends on the context. If you are upset tell him.

YourFault · 19/05/2023 11:37

YABU, stop being pathetic. You don’t have the right not to be upset and a offended.

module · 19/05/2023 11:41

DH has just this minute done this! He does it a lot.

The exception is when he's about to do something he knows I would rather he didn't. Such as destroying pruning my favourite shrub that's in full flower.

HappyintheHills · 19/05/2023 11:42

Have you always been like this?

Has he ever commented before?

TeeBee · 19/05/2023 11:43

Maybe we should swap partners. Mine will look up questioningly if I get up to do anything and say 'are you okay??!'
Me: err, yeah.
Him: What are up to? Where you going?
Me: Going for a fucking piss mate, is that alright?

What's with the constant need for an audio description??!

AffIt · 19/05/2023 11:44

The only thing more tedious than listening to people talk about their dreams is listening to people talk about their diets.

Both make me want to rip my face off with my own fingernails.

Wishimaywishimight · 19/05/2023 11:44

Honestly if you can't tell your other half about the most boring details of your life who can you tell? I know dreams etc are boring but I wouldn't appreciate being told what I could / could not talk about in my own home.

As for "narrating" what you are doing / about to do, I mean that's just day to day conversation surely. Most of us don't spend the day having deep, interesting conversations.

Certainly in my house 'conversation' often includes what's for dinner, what time we need to leave at, will we head to the bottle bank on the way out, do we need to stock up on toilet rolls, did you water the garden or will I do it etc etc. Perhaps we are just enormously boring people!

C1N1C · 19/05/2023 11:45

Yeah. There's no real nice way of saying what he said, as he's basically saying you talk too much, and he's bored of the narration.

Imnotdrinkingmerlot · 19/05/2023 11:46

Bit blunt, but not altogether rude. However, you've been together a long time so this can't be a new habit of yours. Whys it starting irritating him now? Is he stressed about other things? Spending more time together?

TedMullins · 19/05/2023 11:47

I always find it weird that so many people hate hearing about dreams, I love hearing about other people’s dreams, the weirder and sillier the better! If the dream was just “I dreamt I had a hamster” then yes that’s boring, but when people tell me their weird vivid scary or funny dreams I really enjoy it, and I tell my partner about mine all the time.

Anyway, what you’re doing OP wouldn’t annoy me personally unless it’s so constant you can’t do ANYTHING without narrating it. But he isn’t unreasonable to find it annoying and to tell you that. It’s better he’s honest rather than silently simmering in resentment

CatchYouOnTheFlippetyFlop · 19/05/2023 11:47

I didn't vote due to the reasons already stated. I get where he is coming from, but he could have been nicer about it.

Hearing about someone's dream is the height of tedium, bordering on annoying.

It's akin to someone showing you their holiday photo's.

Also, announcing everything that you are about to do, is just boring waffle really. I can see how it would get irritating. Sometimes I catch myself doing it and think to myself, well that was really fucking boring.

My husband repeats himself with what he thinks are interesting facts and even if I say - 'yes, you told me this the other day', he still has to finish. It's annoying.

SunnySaturdayMorning · 19/05/2023 11:48

He’s right. He could have phrased it more nicely, but he’s absolutely right.

icecream1801 · 19/05/2023 11:49

I can be petty so I'd do exactly what he wants and sod off upstairs for an hour long bath followed by an evening of self care/book read. I'm sure after a few days he will get curious!

'You asked me not to narrate my life to you'

Make yourself a drink but remember you can't announce you're putting the kettle on!!! So he will have to make his own.

Pop to the shops (unannounced of course) for a bottle of wine. And go the long way! - You're only doing as he has requested after all...