Is this horrible from DH ?

[fumpster]

Married 15 years, together 25.
Recently, DH says to me:
Don't tell me about your dreams from last night. Dreams are not real and I won't want to hear about made-up drivel.

Plse don't tell me what you are doing next at home, you do not need to narrate your life to me and I do not want hear you narrate your life. This is in response to situations where e.g. we are watching TV together then I say I am going upstairs for a bath/bed or I say I am going to lock the front door or I say I've forgotten to put the dishwasher on, I'll just go and do it, type of thing.

AIBU to say this is not very nice or am I being too much or a princess by getting upset about it ?

It kind of depends how he says it.

I often announce ‘I’m just going for a wee’ which is obviously TMI - DH always jokes and says ‘thanks for letting me know’ in a sarcastic voice..

When I first met him I used to ask him what he was having for tea or dinner (I’m from the North, watch the Royle Family - it’s a thing.) He found this so boring (fair enough) and asked me to stop asking him/taking about meals. He’s quite direct but that’s him.

Dreams - yes they’re boring. So I don’t go that far. I kind of get where your DH is coming from but it should be said with humour..

There's nothing abnormal about, @fumpster , when you're in a couple, if you have to go out of the room you go 'I've just got to go and do X.' It'd be weird for someone not to and to just walk out of the room without saying anything.

Why do you tell him you are going to the toilet?

Yep, pretty dismissive and unkindly put.

I quite enjoy hearing about people's dreams. Find it very boring to listen to detailed descriptions of people's exercise routines.

Depends what you’re doing? DP and I will often hang out each reading our own books – if I’m going to make coffee I’ll ask if he wants some; if I’m going for a wee there’s no need to announce it or interrupt his reading. Ditto OP’s dishwasher/door lock chat – it’s just mouth talking with no filter from brain applied.

@HackAttack
I think sometimes it just occurs to you that you have listened to your lifetime quota of minutiae and you really don't want to hear anymore. Some people just can't seem to tolerate comfortable silence.

Why when there are only 2 people involved, does one person's need to share trump the other person's desire not to hear those things? Why would the OP's desire to talk be weighted more heavily than her husband's expressed desire not to be told those types of things?

He is not likely saying that she is hurting his feelings by continuing to over share, but his feelings may be hurt because she continues to ignore his request that she not do those things.

In contrast, OH apologises when he messes things up... in my dreams.

Every night, and I mean every night DP tells me he's going to have small whiskey and then go to bed. Every night. Sometimes I suggest he has a large whiskey and he looks at me as if I've just spoken russian.

It. Drives. Me. Up. The. Wall.

Other people's dreams, nothing more boring!

Still, you wouldn't talk to a work colleague like that

Oh yes… 😫

Me and my DP enjoy hearing about each others dreams 🤷‍♀️ imo it's interesting to hear what their brains been mulling over in the night .

My husband asks me about my dreams every morning, then makes me a coffee.

It's a ritual we have! I do have some extremely fun and exciting dreams and he loves hearing about them.

Your dp sounds miserable.

@Nicknacky yeah, if we're sat together watching the TV & he got up to leave the room & didn't tell me what he was going to do it would piss me off.

That’s really controlling and weird. And even worse that you think it’s normal to be pissed off with your partner leaving a room with announcing his intentions.

Sorry @fumpster but I am with your husband. And agree with pps that you have probably been getting on his nerves/irritating him, with your constant chat about trivial things that he is not interested in. Constant chitter chatter from someone is incredibly irritating. Some people just cannot go thirty seconds without talking, and filling in every moment with inane chatter. I like to sit in silence sometimes, (especially if I am doing something/reading something,) and get very annoyed if the person with me won't stop talking.

It drives me NUTS when someone keeps giving a running commentary of what they are doing. Whether it's in the workplace, or wherever. Sometimes my DH is like this. I do love my him, but OMG he can really rattle on sometimes. Just talks and talks and talks about such inane drivel. (Not always, and sometimes he has interesting stuff to say, but some days he just chats shit!)

I sometimes say 'I am putting my ipod on now so I won't be able to hear you' just to shut him up, because he just talks and talks and tells me everything he's doing... in minute detail. He also chats over what he's watching on TV sometimes. (HE is watching it, and yet he still jibber jabbers over it.) He also runs through everything that happened at his workplace... again in minute detail. Thing is, he tells me everything that happened, and then an hour later, he will start telling me again. I say 'you told me that already!' and he looks like this > Then he says 'well I'll tell you again anyway!'

Sometimes he even rattles on when I have my headphones in/have my ipod on, and I can only hear distant mumbling. So I ignore him and carry on reading or doing whatever I am doing on the computer.. Then I see his hand waving, and him trying to get me to look up at him, and almost every single time, it's nothing important and is always trivial shite... And like the OP, he informs me when he is doing random trivial everyday stuff in the house or garden. Like, dude, I do NOT need to know. 😂

He is not like this ALL the time we're together, but about half. Does my head in sometimes. SO yeah I do think YABU. You don't need to tell him every single thing you are doing. Just do it.

I also think - and this thread backs it up - that more MEN are guilty of always trying to fill silent moments, by chatting incessantly. Yet, women are supposedly the chatterboxes! Not anymore eh?

The OP did not return, I guess there are somethings that even she gets tired of hearing.

I don't think you're being unreasonable. I'd be a little hurt if someone said that to me in that way. If it annoys him fine, but he could have a little more tact.

@KnittedFox
Don't you imagine over the years he has said this politely but to no avail? Are his feelings less important than the OP's feelings?

@Mari9999Where have i said his feelings are less important? She hasn't said that her husband has mentioned these things before and I haven't made assumptions. She asked a question, I gave my opinion. I'd be sneeped if my husband said that to me. It's not a question of who's feelings are important, it's a question of what's an acceptable way of speaking to somebody.

You should tell him what I used to tell our ds when he was 4: “how can we say that nicely?”

I would imagine after 25 much has been said in very many ways.

Think he’s being a little mean - yes maybe your dreams aren’t the most interesting thing to him but I’m pretty sure he tells you things that are probably boring but you just nod and be polite. I would think it odd to get up and walk away without saying a thing personally!

Well, if he's put up with you prattling on about dreams and narrating your every movement for the last 25 years without complaint, I think he deserves a medal.