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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my NDN should stop knocking on my door?

259 replies

Foly · 18/05/2023 19:50

I live in a flat and there are 9 other flats in my building.

My NDN (I'm number 7, he's number 8) will find any excuse to knock on my door and ask me questions/ speak to me.

He's a man in his late 50's and I'm a woman in my early 30's, both live alone, just for context.

It started after I took a parcel in for him and he came to collect it. I genuinely don't mind doing this and I'd do it for any neighbour.

However, after this he came to my door to -

  • ask if I was okay because he heard something through the wall..?
-tell me he could look after my cats anytime -tell me he could help when getting a sofa delivered -ask if I could hear his alarm in the morning -ask if we could swap flat keys in case of an emergency -ask if I want to do my laundry in his flat because he has a really good washing machine

It's getting worse and I am getting concerned now. He's just knocked on the door 2 minutes ago and I didn't answer. He knows I am home though. 😥

What can I do besides moving out? 😩

OP posts:
Maray1967 · 18/05/2023 19:52

Just don’t answer for a while? Hopefully he’ll get the message.

Or you’ll have to be more direct and say you’re working at home and can’t be disturbed?

romdowa · 18/05/2023 19:52

You'll just have to bite the bullet and tell him to stop.

Original poster
Foly · 18/05/2023 19:56

I have told him I work from home (which is true) but he either doesn't understand what I mean by that or doesn't care. I don't know him well enough to know which one is more likely.

OP posts:
Original poster
Foly · 18/05/2023 19:57

When I don't answer he just keeps coming back until I do 😥

OP posts:
Tiredmum100 · 18/05/2023 19:58

Yanbu. Are you getting a new sofa? Is your washing machine broken? All seems a bit odd, and I wouldn't like it either to be honest. I'd just ignore him, dont answer the door if you don't want to. You don't owe him anything....and definitely don't give him a key.

Chowtime · 18/05/2023 19:59

Can you get a ring doorbell and if he rings it just quickly tell him you're busy working and can't talk now

Original poster
Foly · 18/05/2023 20:03

Tiredmum100 · 18/05/2023 19:58

Yanbu. Are you getting a new sofa? Is your washing machine broken? All seems a bit odd, and I wouldn't like it either to be honest. I'd just ignore him, dont answer the door if you don't want to. You don't owe him anything....and definitely don't give him a key.

I did get a new sofa but the company came in and sorted it all out for me. He came over after they'd left.

I've never mentioned anything about a washing machine, I think he was just using it as an excuse.

Unfortunately the ring doorbell wouldn't work; when I am working I can't just jump off to answer a call, even for a few seconds. It probably sounds like I'm making excuses but I've tried to think of everything and nothing seems to work, I'm just at my wits end with it all.

OP posts:
finallygotospeaktoSky · 18/05/2023 20:05

At least no one has mentioned the d word yet.
I would get a ring door bell and ignore him tbh to the point of removing my door bell batteries. You shouldn't have to obviously but then you shouldn't feel obliged to engage either.
If he knocks the door ignore, your neighbours will probably be moaning about it, but do what you need to do. He's probably hoping to start up a friend / relationship with you.
Stay firm. If needed I'd speak to 101 for advice this borders on harrassment if he persists after you've made it clear you're not interested.

TherebytheGraceofGodgoI · 18/05/2023 20:05

I know of someone that had a similar situation and they had a large male friend who quickly stripped off and answered the door naked when the nuisance caller knocked. It did indeed stop the caller.
Not sure this is appropriate in your case, but maybe a thought?

HeartQueenCharlotte · 18/05/2023 20:06

@Foly are you renting or a homeowner? Wondering if there’s a management company you can raise a concern with as this could be deemed harassment. It is definitely inappropriate.

I’d keep a log of everything just in case you need to refer to it.

Girliefriendlikespuppies · 18/05/2023 20:08

I had this with a neighbour, in the end it got increasingly creepy/borderline harassment.

I lost my rag with him one day and threatened to call the police if it continued.

He actually moved house shortly after that!!

scorpiogirly · 18/05/2023 20:09

I wouldn't like this either. He's either genuine and just lonely or downright creepy. Can you get a male friend to visit a few times so it looks like you have a boyfriend? Does he know when you are in? Can he see you coming and going?

Ponoka7 · 18/05/2023 20:10

He fancies you and men of his (mine) generation worked on breaking a woman down. Harrasment wasn't a word that was used. Be blunt, it could save your life one day. You don't have to be kind, he isn't entitled to your time. The key swapping is going to be seen as a maybe to sex.

Batalax · 18/05/2023 20:16

How did you say no to the key and how did he take it?

Mummapenguin20 · 18/05/2023 20:19

I like the idea of a male friend answering the door but I also think he should read the room and take the hint

finallygotospeaktoSky · 18/05/2023 20:21

That's the problem mum some don't take the hint and need the equivalent of a huge boot up the arse.

Northernsouloldies · 18/05/2023 20:21

I'm going with creepy fucker, do you want to swap keys... Eh fucking No!!!.

ShandaLear · 18/05/2023 20:22

TherebytheGraceofGodgoI · 18/05/2023 20:05

I know of someone that had a similar situation and they had a large male friend who quickly stripped off and answered the door naked when the nuisance caller knocked. It did indeed stop the caller.
Not sure this is appropriate in your case, but maybe a thought?

As much as this shouldn’t be necessary, having a man answer the door a few times also worked for me.

bellabasset · 18/05/2023 20:24

Perhaps email the police for advice, check he's not got a record. It's very annoying to be disturbed when you're working though. He needs to learn some boundaries, perhaps you could have a lovely girlfriend you have a relationship with to put him off.

finallygotospeaktoSky · 18/05/2023 20:25

A 'lovely girlfriend' might make it worse!

RudsyFarmer · 18/05/2023 20:30

I had one of these and the best thing I did is fall out with him. So my advice is be direct. ‘You are knocking on my door regularly and I’d like you to stop’. ‘I am not comfortable with you coming round and bothering me please stop’. Something that sets a firm boundary and if he contravenes that then you know he is a pest, potentially harassing you and you need to then write down that you want him to stop and if he then continues you can escalate it to the police if need be.

I know I’m sounding a little extreme but this is the beginning of a thick wedge and you need to stop being polite and start being firm and direct.

SunflowerLovers · 18/05/2023 20:32

How did you respond when he suggested you use his washing machine or swap keys?

hopefulsquirrel · 18/05/2023 20:35

@finallygotospeaktoSky what is the d word?!

TwoPointFourCatsAndDogs · 18/05/2023 20:35

I second getting a naked, burly, male to open the door to him. BIL did this when DN got in with a rough crowd who would knock the door late at night. It stopped them.

Isthisexpected · 18/05/2023 20:37

TherebytheGraceofGodgoI · 18/05/2023 20:05

I know of someone that had a similar situation and they had a large male friend who quickly stripped off and answered the door naked when the nuisance caller knocked. It did indeed stop the caller.
Not sure this is appropriate in your case, but maybe a thought?

This is what my friend did in a similar situation. I don't think he answered naked but made it clear he was in the picture. It worked.