Page 6 | To think my NDN should stop knocking on my door?

Foly · 2023-05-18T18:50:08+00:00

I live in a flat and there are 9 other flats in my building. My NDN (I'm number 7, he's number 8) will find any excuse to knock on my door and ask me questions/ speak to me. He's a man in his late 50's and I'm a woman in my early 30's, both live alone, just for context. It started after I took a parcel in for him and he came to collect it. I genuinely don't mind doing this and I'd do it for any neighbour. However, after this he came to my door to - - ask if I was okay because he heard something through the wall..? -tell me he could look after my cats anytime -tell me he could help when getting a sofa delivered -ask if I could hear his alarm in the morning -ask if we could swap flat keys in case of an emergency -ask if I want to do my laundry in his flat because he has a really good washing machine It's getting worse and I am getting concerned now. He's just knocked on the door 2 minutes ago and I didn't answer. He knows I am home though. 😥 What can I do besides moving out? 😩

Thirty5 · 19/05/2023 07:16

I hate fucking creepy men that just won’t listen.
I went out with some friends last week and some idiot wouldn’t accept me saying No to him when he kept trying to touch me, in the end a male stranger stood up and shouted in his face, he quickly went home, I was grateful but also frustrated, really annoys me when a female voice just isn’t enough for these creeps.

I would get myself to a locksmith and get a bolt and security chain. I would also say really clearly when he knocks again, please leave me alone otherwise I will be taking this harassment to the police.

tuvamoodyson · 19/05/2023 07:17

sandyhappypeople · 19/05/2023 00:46

Never had another knock since.

I'm not surprised, they're probably dead now.

Just kidding..

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….in the fire that burnt their house down

Justalittlebitduckling · 19/05/2023 07:19

You could always put a sign on your door saying , “Working from home. Please do not disturb except in case of emergency.”

Alwaysworryingoversomething · 19/05/2023 07:23

Agree with chain + do not disturb sign maybe?

Definitely keep a record of all interactions in case you have to involve others.

Ignore him when he knocks.
Take care!

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 19/05/2023 07:25

Underminer · 18/05/2023 23:47

Sometimes a suggestion of a other burly bloke might be enough. My cousin had similar with her neighbour, but didn’t have anyone she could ask. She got a pair of men’s trainers from the charity shop and left them outside the front door a few times, couple of men’s clothes on her washing line and it all stopped.

This...

It shouldn't be necessary but these sort of men often work ln the wearing-you-down strategy... 🙄.

Years ago i had a very persistent workman through our rental agency ... Who kept returning to check a (minor) job that he'd done several weeks previously .. It really was an hour's work... But he managed to stretch this over about 6/7 visits.... At first i didn't take much notice... Until he started asking about boyfriends 😡...

I told him that i had a very jealous ex-con(untrue) boyfriend.... He disappeared after that

Comedycook · 19/05/2023 07:26

I wouldn't use working from home as an excuse....he see this as an invitation to be able to bother you all weekend and evenings. Just keep saying you're busy and don't want to be disturbed.

Loneliness is a bullshit excuse too...I bet he wouldn't be knocking all the time if a man had moved in.

When I was in my late teens i used to get the bus every day. An elderly man used to get the same bus and always sit next to me and talk to me. Used to tell me he was lonely blah blah. At the time I was young so felt really sorry for him..I also remember feeling really guilty because I didn't want to be his friend. I thought I was a terrible person. Now I'm older, I think wtf. If he really wanted friends, why didn't he sit next to another elderly man and befriend him. Why always choose the young woman?

These types are all the same. Show any tiny bit of politeness and it's a come on.

Ellaelle · 19/05/2023 07:29

Every time he knocks the door and you know its him don't open the door at all just say in the most aggressive agitated tone you can muster "WHO IS IT?" when he says it's him reply "I'M BUSY!!!" still in your aggressive tone and keep doing that till he gets the message....how annoying!

silverfullmoon · 19/05/2023 07:31

Now I'm older, I think wtf. If he really wanted friends, why didn't he sit next to another elderly man and befriend him. Why always choose the young woman?

Exactly. Which is why the loneliness excuse is utter BS. I was pestered by an elderly man walking his dog every time I went jogging. He kept trying to stop me running to make conversation-even though I was wearing headphones. Yet, weirdly, there were PLENTY of other people (usually older retired people) also walking their dogs every time he was there but he never once approached them for conversation. If he genuinely was just lonely, he wouldnt have only tried to approach a much younger woman mid run.

Cheesecakeandwineinasuitcase · 19/05/2023 07:32

This sounds like he is stalking you OP

MrsOvertonsWindow · 19/05/2023 07:34

Some awful suggestions on here. So many women determined that she should pacify this creepy man.
Chain on the door, ignore him as much as is possible and if he persists, a short assertive comment. Don't give him any reasons/ information about you, your job or anything.
"i'm busy. You need to stop interrupting me. Thank you." Rinse and repeat.

Good luck OP.

PimpMyFridge · 19/05/2023 07:37

Can you have a pad of notes with 'I don't want to talk to you' and every time it's him don't speak and just put the note in his hand and close the door.

CountryManor · 19/05/2023 07:37

I had this problem but my neighbour was my mum.

Whichnumbers · 19/05/2023 07:38

I disagre with “I’m busy” just tell him it’s inappropriate as it is & men need to hear those words that they are behaving inappropriately. It’s the truth his behaviour is inappropriate as it’s upsetting you

Zeonlywayisup · 19/05/2023 07:38

Be in the phone and tell the caller it’s your neighbour in an exasperated tone, ask him what he wants, answer and tell him you’re really busy and to please stop knocking on the door all the time, go back to your call and shut the door in his face. I really feel we l for you. I had a neighbour showing up and being a creep whenever dh was away. He was a bully and enjoyed my discomfort. It really got me down.

Campervangirl · 19/05/2023 07:41

I had a similar situation about 30 yrs ago when I lived in a flat, there were two doors on my landing, an older man lived in the other flat.
He took a liking to me, constantly knocking, would turn up with two cups of tea on a tray, food items, wanting to check on me, watch coronation st together, it got to the point that he'd start knocking as soon as I got out of bed.
I was in my 20's and didn't want to be rude 🙄
It escalated, I tried to call a halt, he harassed me, sent me "anonymous" letters and cards calling me a whore, sticking notes on my door warning any callers that I was a prostitute, he would stand behind his closed front door hissing insults when I went in or out, it was horrendous.
If it happened to me now, I'm in my 50s, I shut that shit down no problem.
He's relying on you being "nice" you know, how we women are conditioned to be "nice".
You need to stop answering the door, I like the idea of a note telling callers not to knock as you're working and also, if you can, tell him straight "I'm wfh, you're disturbing me, please can you stop knocking on my door"
Men like this are not able to take a hint.
I feel for you

gymorgin · 19/05/2023 07:42

MrsOvertonsWindow · 19/05/2023 07:34

Some awful suggestions on here. So many women determined that she should pacify this creepy man.
Chain on the door, ignore him as much as is possible and if he persists, a short assertive comment. Don't give him any reasons/ information about you, your job or anything.
"i'm busy. You need to stop interrupting me. Thank you." Rinse and repeat.

Good luck OP.

Absolutely agree with this but can't blame us women in a way for attempting to go softly softly.

It's what we have been conditioned over history to be like.

It will take a bit of getting used to, to take that assertive stance, albeit it is the correct way to go about it.

There's no way he would be doing this with little old Doris, or a married couple - he should have more self awareness and be ashamed at the invasion of your privacy.

OddSockSeeker · 19/05/2023 07:44

Don’t be rude to him but every time he knocks, you ignore then send your dad round to ask what he wanted so his consequence of knocking is dealing with your Dad.

Coffeesnob11 · 19/05/2023 07:44

All those saying get a ring doorbell, it is often not allowed in flats. You can however ask for a peep hole and a chain fitted. You can also get a small camera that fits at the peep hole (unofficially). You do need to tell him you don't want him to keep knocking (don't mention work or anything else otherwise he will hear it as other times are okay). Don't be scared of upsetting him his skin will be very thick. He wouldn't do this to a male or to an elderly lady and needs to get the message. Also let people in real life know this is happening. Don't feel embarrassed or minimise it, it's on him not you.

Thighlengthboots · 19/05/2023 07:45

Campervangirl · 19/05/2023 07:41

I had a similar situation about 30 yrs ago when I lived in a flat, there were two doors on my landing, an older man lived in the other flat.
He took a liking to me, constantly knocking, would turn up with two cups of tea on a tray, food items, wanting to check on me, watch coronation st together, it got to the point that he'd start knocking as soon as I got out of bed.
I was in my 20's and didn't want to be rude 🙄
It escalated, I tried to call a halt, he harassed me, sent me "anonymous" letters and cards calling me a whore, sticking notes on my door warning any callers that I was a prostitute, he would stand behind his closed front door hissing insults when I went in or out, it was horrendous.
If it happened to me now, I'm in my 50s, I shut that shit down no problem.
He's relying on you being "nice" you know, how we women are conditioned to be "nice".
You need to stop answering the door, I like the idea of a note telling callers not to knock as you're working and also, if you can, tell him straight "I'm wfh, you're disturbing me, please can you stop knocking on my door"
Men like this are not able to take a hint.
I feel for you

Urgh. Thats so awful.

I think people have this perception that if someone is older they are "harmless" and lonely. But people forget that creeps age too. These men were likely creeps in their youth and havent changed, they just got older like we all do. Just because someone is older, does not mean they are automatically "nice" or "harmless".

EsmeSusanOgg · 19/05/2023 07:45

Northernsouloldies · 18/05/2023 20:21

I'm going with creepy fucker, do you want to swap keys... Eh fucking No!!!.

Same, especially with the weird laundry in his flat offer...

ilovesooty · 19/05/2023 07:45

Justalittlebitduckling · 19/05/2023 07:15

Can you tell him, kindly but firmly, “this is getting a bit much, Colin. I’m happy to take in your parcels but I don’t think you need to be knocking on my door this much all the time.”

Either he’s really lonely, or ND in a way that meant he misread the social cues and thinks you are his friend, or both. I think give he isn’t behaving in a socially acceptable way, you need to be very blunt without being unkind otherwise he probably won’t get it.

Why does she have to be "kind"? He's being a nuisance. Nothing wrong with making that clear.

Sensical · 19/05/2023 07:46

My advice would be to tell him firmly to stop and then ignore anytime he comes to the door. Tell the police each time it happens after that.

my SIL currently has a similar issue although online with a previous work colleague. Constantly contacting her. She is doing the above and the police have been out to speak to him.

He is not entitled to your time or your politeness.

DollyParkin · 19/05/2023 07:47

Absolutely agree with this but can't blame us women in a way for attempting to go softly softly.

Absolutely @gymorgin - so many stories on this thread about "nice" neighbours turning into abusive harassers. @Foly has to stay living there, and not be subjected to angry harassment.

Sensical · 19/05/2023 07:49

ilovesooty · 19/05/2023 07:45

Why does she have to be "kind"? He's being a nuisance. Nothing wrong with making that clear.

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Exactly, I wouldn’t even take his parcels. He lost neighbourly privileges when he started this crap. Even if he is lonely, this is not your problem

Redebs · 19/05/2023 07:51

He is being creepy.

I know you don't want to worry your dad, but would he be able to go round and tell the guy to stop? He just needs to tell the guy to stop knocking because it's bothering his daughter and if it continues, he will take it further. End of.

It would only work if your dad can pull it off. If he's a friendly, jolly, sociable dad, then probably not.

Whenever I have lived alone, I have always put a large pair of men's shoes prominently by the door and made references to a (non-existent) boyfriend when speaking to neighbours.

I hate that women are only respected if they are the 'property' of another man. It stinks.

Don't take in packages for your neighbour, don't answer the door to him ever, don't smile at him if you pass him outdoors, always close your door securely behind you when you go in or out - even if it's just to the communal front door and back. Do tell other people in the block that you feel uncomfortable about him.