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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my NDN should stop knocking on my door?

259 replies

Foly · 18/05/2023 19:50

I live in a flat and there are 9 other flats in my building.

My NDN (I'm number 7, he's number 8) will find any excuse to knock on my door and ask me questions/ speak to me.

He's a man in his late 50's and I'm a woman in my early 30's, both live alone, just for context.

It started after I took a parcel in for him and he came to collect it. I genuinely don't mind doing this and I'd do it for any neighbour.

However, after this he came to my door to -

  • ask if I was okay because he heard something through the wall..?
-tell me he could look after my cats anytime -tell me he could help when getting a sofa delivered -ask if I could hear his alarm in the morning -ask if we could swap flat keys in case of an emergency -ask if I want to do my laundry in his flat because he has a really good washing machine

It's getting worse and I am getting concerned now. He's just knocked on the door 2 minutes ago and I didn't answer. He knows I am home though. 😥

What can I do besides moving out? 😩

OP posts:
standardduck · 18/05/2023 20:37

Don't answer the door and don't swap the keys with him!

I like the idea of getting a male friend to come over and open the door next time.

SunflowerLovers · 18/05/2023 20:37

There really is no problem that a burly naked man can’t solve.

Irisheyesareshining · 18/05/2023 20:39

Err he’s definitely trying it on ! You have to be firm and tell him politely to stop knocking, he’s making you uncomfortable in your own home and that’s not on .

Glitterandunicorns · 18/05/2023 20:39

I agree with @RudsyFarmer. For all the folks who've suggested 101 or talked about harassment, to be able to proceed with that in any meaningful sense, you need to have told this person clearly and bluntly that they need to stop.
If they then continue, then fair enough, but the police would tell you you have to clearly say you want it to stop before they would consider getting involved.
I know this makes a lot of people really uncomfortable, but he is making you really uncomfortable. I agree with a poster upthread who has said that the neighbour is trying to instigate a romantic/ sexual relationship with you.
Best of luck, OP.

Original poster
Foly · 18/05/2023 20:40

To answer PP's I am renting, I think he's a homeowner.

I remember him very early on asking me who I was moving in with. I must have told him I was on my own, I wish I hadn't now. I can't remember because I thought he was just being a friendly neighbour - I feel stupid now!

The only man I can think of to come over would be my dad, but I haven't told him about the situation because I don't want to worry him.

OP posts:
BMW6 · 18/05/2023 20:40

Next time he knocks open the door and say "Bloody hell, NOW WHAT?!" In a really exasperated tone.

Namechangedagain20 · 18/05/2023 20:41

@Foly you didn’t swap keys with him did you?

BitOutOfPractice · 18/05/2023 20:43

If you don’t have a burly naked man knocking around(though I mean, who doesn’t?) then a ring doorbell is your friend. You don’t have to get up to answer it. You can see who it is on your phone, pause your audio on the meeting for 3 seconds and tell him you’re working, go away.

Original poster
Foly · 18/05/2023 20:45

Namechangedagain20 · 18/05/2023 20:41

@Foly you didn’t swap keys with him did you?

Haha, no of course not 😆

OP posts:
Fallingoffacliff · 18/05/2023 20:46

THIS!! you have you understand that being "nice" DOES NOT WORK with idiots like this. I dont care if he's "lonely" or whatever! He's a pest and needs to be treated as such. Stand up for yourself and either ignore him or tell him to bog off.

Fallingoffacliff · 18/05/2023 20:47

BMW6 · 18/05/2023 20:40

Next time he knocks open the door and say "Bloody hell, NOW WHAT?!" In a really exasperated tone.

Love this!

Original poster
Foly · 18/05/2023 20:47

BitOutOfPractice · 18/05/2023 20:43

If you don’t have a burly naked man knocking around(though I mean, who doesn’t?) then a ring doorbell is your friend. You don’t have to get up to answer it. You can see who it is on your phone, pause your audio on the meeting for 3 seconds and tell him you’re working, go away.

Unfortunately I can't even pause my audio for a few seconds as I'm an online teacher.

OP posts:
oakleaffy · 18/05/2023 20:48

@Foly He absolutely fancies you, be very careful.
Invent a long distance partner..He might be the type to listen in with a glass against the wall to hear you talking on the phone &c.

It's bloody awkward, you could perhaps tell him you are Gay?
I have done this before, and it really helps.

Namechangedagain20 · 18/05/2023 20:48

Oh good! Some people would have just done out of politeness or to get rid of him. He sounds like he’s trying it on with you, I would not be alone with him at all. Definitely get a ring doorbell and say you’re busy, or maybe ask your dad to be there one day and have a word when he knocks. Him just knowing that another man is aware of his creepy behaviour might stop him.

Tiredmum100 · 18/05/2023 20:48

What is it with men. He's a man so he can knock your door when he wants and expects you to give up your time to him. Grrr. I would speak to your dad, you might not want him to worry but I'm sure he'd rather you tell him. I would say stick a sign on the door, saying your busy and do not disturb. But then why should you. You're being harassed in your home now. I'd start making a note of every time he knocks, maybe contact the police non emergency number for advice.

Original poster
Foly · 18/05/2023 20:49

Fallingoffacliff · 18/05/2023 20:46

THIS!! you have you understand that being "nice" DOES NOT WORK with idiots like this. I dont care if he's "lonely" or whatever! He's a pest and needs to be treated as such. Stand up for yourself and either ignore him or tell him to bog off.

I want to do this but I'm scared it'll escalate. I probably sound ridiculous saying that but he lives right next to me. I'm worried about what he might do.

Maybe I'm overthinking!

OP posts:
oakleaffy · 18/05/2023 20:50

Fallingoffacliff · 18/05/2023 20:46

THIS!! you have you understand that being "nice" DOES NOT WORK with idiots like this. I dont care if he's "lonely" or whatever! He's a pest and needs to be treated as such. Stand up for yourself and either ignore him or tell him to bog off.

Sadly, some men are so thick skinned, it does come to this.

CabernetSauvignon · 18/05/2023 20:51

When you do speak to him, can you not just say to him that you work from home, you're in online meetings all day, you cannot stop and come to the door so would he please stop knocking unless it's an absolute emergency?

Newestname002 · 18/05/2023 21:10

-ask if we could swap flat keys in case of an emergency

Oh I don't think so!!

I agree with another PP: if you can't be blunt with him and tell to stop disturbing you, put a sign on your door saying something like "Please do not disturb - I am working. No enquiries and no courier deliveries accepted".

Also install a security chain inside your front door if you don't have one and leave it one the whole time your at home. And make sure your door is properly locked.

Back away OP 🌹

catscalledbeanz · 18/05/2023 21:12

I really think the firm approach would deliver the best outcome. " I'm sorry but I'm a very private person and would appreciate it if you stopped popping round . I appreciate you are being friendly, and of course we are neighbours so i don't want any ill will, but nonetheless unless something is urgently needed, please don't come around any more. Thank you"

Original poster
Foly · 18/05/2023 21:13

Newestname002 · 18/05/2023 21:10

-ask if we could swap flat keys in case of an emergency

Oh I don't think so!!

I agree with another PP: if you can't be blunt with him and tell to stop disturbing you, put a sign on your door saying something like "Please do not disturb - I am working. No enquiries and no courier deliveries accepted".

Also install a security chain inside your front door if you don't have one and leave it one the whole time your at home. And make sure your door is properly locked.

Back away OP 🌹

Security chain is a great idea, thank you!

OP posts:
WilkinsonM · 18/05/2023 21:15

You'll have to tell him to stop. He's harassing you.

IttyBittyTittyCommittee · 18/05/2023 21:16

I had this sort of scenario when I was widowed a few years ago… Even the female NDN started making herself a nuisance with texts, WhatsApp’s and even bringing food round “cos she could hear me coughing” (I had a cold)

There was a particularly creepy elderly man who sent me an borderline offensive Xmas card and used to block my driving past his house with his car😱 Felt sorry for his poor wife, as I found out that I wasn’t his only victim.

Eventually I met my DP (big and burly) strangely I have had absolutely no issues in the 8 months he’s been around….

Blank this man wherever possible, and keep safe OP

girlfriend44 · 18/05/2023 21:38

oakleaffy · 18/05/2023 20:48

@Foly He absolutely fancies you, be very careful.
Invent a long distance partner..He might be the type to listen in with a glass against the wall to hear you talking on the phone &c.

It's bloody awkward, you could perhaps tell him you are Gay?
I have done this before, and it really helps.

Never should you make that up.What if poster then has a boyfriend later on.
He fancies you op and you have to deal with it.

ButterCrackers · 18/05/2023 21:43

Do you have a male friend that could knock on the ndn’s door and tell him to not bother you again. Say that he understands that he’s being neighbourly but that he needs to back off.