To think my NDN should stop knocking on my door?

[Foly]

I live in a flat and there are 9 other flats in my building.

My NDN (I'm number 7, he's number 8) will find any excuse to knock on my door and ask me questions/ speak to me.

He's a man in his late 50's and I'm a woman in my early 30's, both live alone, just for context.

It started after I took a parcel in for him and he came to collect it. I genuinely don't mind doing this and I'd do it for any neighbour.

However, after this he came to my door to -

• ask if I was okay because he heard something through the wall..?

-tell me he could look after my cats anytime -tell me he could help when getting a sofa delivered -ask if I could hear his alarm in the morning -ask if we could swap flat keys in case of an emergency -ask if I want to do my laundry in his flat because he has a really good washing machine

It's getting worse and I am getting concerned now. He's just knocked on the door 2 minutes ago and I didn't answer. He knows I am home though. 😥

What can I do besides moving out? 😩

I’m sure you could as a one-off pause your teaching session to say go away to your ring camera. You just need to put your microphone on mute and then resume it. The pupils hearing the door knocking through your microphone is going to be equally distracting

Stop answering your door to him, period, no matter what, and when you do see him, FFS, stop being "nice."

Tell him plainly that he is disturbing you.

Don't make "I am working" a focus. Even if the concept of WFH gets through his thick head, you don't want to be disturbed at any time, including at night and on the weekend.

Bite the bullet and say to him that you like your privacy, do not want constant interruptions and NEED him to stop knocking on your door for any reason whatsoever.

i wouldnt open the door without a latch, you dont know how crazy he is

Don't answer the door unless you are expecting someone. Eventually he will get the message.

🤭

I like this one 😁

Put a note on the door saying “working. Please don’t knock”. Hopefully he will get the hint

😂😂
I’ve seen those in action. And if you talk too much, she just repeats herself over & over.
It’s hysterical. Frustrating for the person outside, I imagine.

Just say to him next time -

Hi x . Look don't think I'm being rude but when I'm working I really cannot answer the door - I work all sorts of hours as I'm online so can I ask that you don't knock on as it's distracting my students and I'm getting complaints.

I appreciate the offers of help and if I ever need anything I know where to
Come . Thanks so much - I knew you'd understand.

Try that first .

Honestly I wouldn't explain to any degree or give away anything about my work to the creep. If you mention working online you'll just feed into the creepy fantasies in his head. Tell him not to knock on your door. Don't say anything that gives him scope to come back another time, etc. And don't apologise. Be assertive.

He sounds like Jim from Friday Night Dinner 😱

I would just get a Ring doorbell and ignore the knocking, at least half the time. Then next time I saw him ‘sorry I missed you I was stuck in a Teams call’. Make it so he doesn’t bother to knock because he knows it’s unlikely you’ll answer.

I wouldn’t be rude or do anything drastic though as you’re neighbours and he sounds essentially friendly/well-meaning if incredibly annoying.

Agree with previous posters. Chain for the door and just stop answering when he calls. He'll give up eventually.

I think I would chuck a note through his door
”Dear neighbour,
I told you when I moved in that I work from home. Please stop knocking on my door and interrupting my work calls. I am especially resentful of the intrusion when it is abundantly clear that I am ignoring your knocking and you continue to do so. This is very rude and entitled behaviour and you must stop doing this immediately. I need to work without interruption or harrassment.
Thank you
@Foly “

The ring doorbell will enable you to see it’s him so you know never to answer the door. It will also record all his little visits so when you tell him to fuck off you then have video proof if he keeps coming back after. You don’t have to actually answer the door if you see him on the doorbell so it doesn’t have to disrupt you

I had a very similar situation in my last flat. It got worse and worse and when I didn’t answer I would be questioned about it, ‘I knocked at 5pm and you didn’t answer but I could hear you’ type thing. I ended up losing my rag and threatening to call the police. He avoided me after my dp moved in which neighbour didn’t like. Be careful, look after yourself and make sure your loved ones are aware of the situation.

I had something very similar to this. It turns out the guy is getting dementia, I've spoken to his daughter. He's only 60 odd but it happens. I actually do work from home so quite often I just can't answer the door. I just politely and firmly call that I'm busy working and can't come to the door. Then he forgets for a while, then it starts again. Its annoying but he's harmless. I feel sorry for him but I can't be answering the door and having circular conversations all day.

I wouldn't go for the fake boyfriend or ignoring him..I'd be direct the next time he knocks. I find men like this respond to direct.

'Look, I don't know what all this knocking is about, but I've noticed that you don't do it to other neighbours, it's just me. I'd like you to only knock when necessary, as you would do for everyone else. I'm finding it intrusive. Have I made myself understood? '

Yes it's awkward. But he's made it this way.

Fix a DO NOT DISTURB UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES sign.
And ALL DELIVERIES PLEASE TEXT 78906543.

Then neighbour might text to which you have a generic reply ready to text back.
He should only knock if an emergency.
If you see him just say that you are a private person and need your quiet time in which to opperate - as welcoming and kind as he has been and that you hope he won't feel offended. but that is the way you like to live.

This is a terrible idea. Don’t give him access to your mobile number as it will go from knocking to to ringing and texting too!

Its not extreme at all, its perfect. I am so fcking sick of women having to apologise and grovel politely just to stop unwanted male attention. Saying stop isnt rude, telling him to fck off is rude.

As women, we have every right to tell a man no and that his actions are making us uncomfortable. HE is the rude one for constantly trying to intrude on someone who does not want it.

Exactly. I think the ring doorbell is a good idea if it has a mute function so you don’t hear it going off.

I had a slightly similar situation with a creepy window cleaner. He would just appear at an upstairs window - I swear he crept into my garden and then would knock on the door ask for a cup of tea and could he use the toilet too. He would then want to chat for ages and flirt in a really sinister way whilst I tried to pay him. He would always refuse payment and say that he would return another time for it. I couldn’t relax in my house as he would turn up at random times - me and my children dreaded him turning up. The final straw was that he was knocking on the front door and I ignored him so he went round to the back door and started hammering on it - it was awful. I finally opened the door and practically threw the money at him and told him that I never wanted him to do the windows again. It worked thankfully and I’m so glad that I stood up to him. Found a new normal window cleaner after that thankfully!
No one should ever feel unsafe in their own home.

next time he knocks

answer eventually

listen to his “ query”

then say firmly

this is not appropriate you shouldn’t be knocking on my door for this stuff, stop it now

dont say please or thank you, don’t smile either

then say goodbye and shut the door

don’t get into any type of altercation just repeat

Amazing how many women have had this same situation. Well not amazing, just - striking I guess. I know my neighbour is getting dementia, but it's still the fact that he singled out me, a relatively young woman who (he thinks is) single, for particular attention.