Tell me boring dh is wrong

[suzysaysrelax]

I'll prefix by saying he's not completely wrong. I know travel with little dc is hard work but he is sucking the enjoyment out of life and I guess I'm just a bit fed up.

For context we've been married 5 years, I have two primary age dc from previous marriage and we have a 1 year old dd together. Dd is hard work. She doesn't sleep well and is a bit highly strung and tantrummy. However nothing out of the ordinary I'd say.

Life at the moment is relentless. We work, do school runs, go to bed, repeat. We have no help and never really get a break or the chance to go out together. On a few occasions I've suggested family weekends away/holidays (not abroad just in the UK) and am constantly met with excuses and negativity. How will it work with dd? She'll just cry. B&b wouldn't be suitable, nor would caravan because she'd cry and wake everyone up. Absolutely can't even begin to think about taking her on a plane. Her routine will be out of sync it'll just basically be hell.

I just find it so depressing and his lack of enthusiasm winds me up. Its also unfair on older dc who never get to go anywhere. The obvious answer is to go away without him but I suffer quite badly with anxiety especially surrounding travel and I'm also a very nervous driver on motorways. I've not done it for years. I feel like I need him on board because I can't cope otherwise. But he just isn't. I'm trying to work on my anxiety for my dc sake and with his support I would be happy to go away but he just comes up with a problem or negativity for everything.

Aibu to want to do stuff with my dc while they are still young? Is he just making up excuses?

I know exactly how you feel, OP. My ex was just the same. He’d say the kids were too young to be taken anywhere but Great Yarmouth on holiday despite him always having several family holidays abroad and in the UK every year as a kid. I just didn’t understand why he thought like this. He also hated me taking them anywhere for the day, but would refuse to come with us. Last year we eventually broke up, and since then the kids (18 and 10) and I have been to Disneyland Paris twice and are off to Crete in July. I feel like we wasted so much of our lives ‘waiting’ for him to find the perfect age for us to take them places, when in reality, I just don’t think he could be bothered. I know that doesn’t help your situation at all, but I just wanted to share my story so you don’t end up resenting him like I do my ex :(

My ex husband was never interested in doing things with the kids when they were little, he found children hard work. He would rather work than come on holiday with us.

So I used to do it without him, just me and the kids, I didn’t see why me and the kids should miss out. From days out to holidays, I’ve taken the 3 of them on a 12 hour flight just me and them and the youngest was 10 months old at the time.

I didn’t have your anxiety and they were pretty easy kids, my middle one liked to be kept occupied and on the go all the time but just used to pack little activities to keep her busy. This was in the days before you could stick them in front or a phone or iPad 😂

I would plan something small with just your older two first and see how you find it and build up to including your DD. It is sad your husband is reluctant but the rest of you shouldn’t miss out and seeing you doing it and hopefully having a nice time, may spur him on to wanting to come next time.