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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I hate my breasts

149 replies

Bathmatts · 15/05/2023 23:20

34GG.
People comment - as if its a compliment.
I feel self conscious.
Luckily my partner makes me feel sexy AF so I'm not so self loathing when I'm with him.
How do I love my body and be thankful for having breasts when shirts don't fucking button up?

OP posts:
AngryBirdsNoMore · 16/05/2023 00:36

Tedious tits! Love it. Also love the big boob support on this thread.

Sports bras are a nightmare. So expensive and so uncomfortable and everything still jiggles, or they dig in very unattractively as it’s the only way to keep the boobs still. I HATED running as a teenager and am still so self conscious about exercise, it’s definitely impacted my health and well-being - cos you can’t just pop out to the gym or for a run, you have to plan the architecture for your dratted chest first…

@IAteAllTheTomatoes thanks for that link!

ASGIRC · 16/05/2023 00:41

RaininginDarling · 16/05/2023 00:16

Rigby & Peller obvs.

Also: really research breast reduction before you go down that route. Two friends had this done and both are now back to the size they were before. Apparently, that's not uncommon. Also, keeping the nipple alive to reattach during surgery is complex and carries serious risks.

This is what I feel would happen to me.
My boobs (currently 34FF/G) have steadily grown over the years. Every time I put on weight, it goes straight to my boobs. It doesnt come off when I lose weight, though. Its probably one of the last places it goes from.

So if I had reduction, and then put on some weight, theyd just grow again and then all that effort and money would have been for nothing.

I know the feeling OP. While I do like my boobs, sometimes they just make me feel SO BIG!!!
I only ever wear stretchy materials, so that things like dresses fit nicely. Button up shirts are out, unless I wear a top under them, and keep them unbuttoned from the breast up.

Appalonia · 16/05/2023 00:41

I'm 34g, I hate it, clothes don't fit, I either look over the top sexy or f rumpy, clothes aren't fit for my size, I hate clothes shopping, and I feel self conscious about my body.

Celia24 · 16/05/2023 00:41

I'm the same size. I love my boobs really - I reckon they're my best feature! I know some people struggle with back pain, thankfully I don't have that.

To be honest I'd warn against breast reduction unless you were desperately unhappy or in pain. I think it's best to appreciate the body you have for the most part. This might sound silly but I've taken to moisturizing my boobs with coconut oil every other night and they feel so soft and lovely and it makes me like them more. I haven't felt great about my body overall but doing this all over makes me feel so much better.

But I do sympathize as clothes shopping can be so tough. Bravissimo has changed my confidence if you haven't tried a fitting, hadn't swam for years before I went there to get a properly fitted costume. Practicality without feeling like Pam Anderson!

Falt · 16/05/2023 00:44

@AngryBirdsNoMore for sports bras I've found these to work really well for me. The sizing might throw you off a bit as I'm a 26/28HH in normal bras and a 32E in these fits perfectly, but Amazon are generally quite good with returns so might be worth the risk.

I've tried all sorts of others and had everything from quad-boob-look to welts on my shoulders but for whatever reason these were a gamechanger Grin.

SYROKAN Women's High Impact Full Coverage Wire Free Lightly Padded Sports Bra amzn.eu/d/eFh1ljT

Kyse23 · 16/05/2023 00:46

Elomi bras are my favourite. 34K so going up a size in shirts doesn't work, I have a huge difference between my waist/boobs so need a size 22 for my chest and a 14 for my waist

Can't wear high necks, polo necks, backless, strapless, anything you can't get a full bra under
If I lose weight I just drop back sizes and end up a 32KK which is even worse

bd67thSaysReinstateLangCleg · 16/05/2023 00:57

The small-to-average busted, as usual, do not fucking get it.

They don't live with the cat-calls and the wolf-whistles. They don't have men talking to their tits and not their faces. They aren't presumed to be promiscuous just for existing. They don't have men trying to cop a feel on the reg.

They can do sports without being in physical pain. They don't gave to hold their tits to run for a bus. They can lie face-down on a massage table comfortably.

They can buy bras and swimwear that fit from supermarkets. Their "right fit" bras can be cheap. Their "right fit" bras don't hurt them, wires impaling armpits, cutting in, and shoulder straps causing migraines. They can buy clothes that fit and fasten properly. They can buy fitted jackets and coats and dresses. For them, buying a suit for a job interview doesn't require a jacket several sizes too big followed by expensive alterations. They haven't taught themselves to sew just to avoid the costs of alterations.

They see the male attention and think "I want that" without considering how frightening it is to live as the permanent target of male lechery. They weren't turned into sex objects whilst still at primary school, so many big-boobed women were "early bloomers" and wearing adult bras at that age. They don't know what it's like to have a sexual assailant talk about how he likes your big tits whilst he gropes or rapes you.

No, OP, YANBU. Those who said you are can fuck off with their misplaced envy.

Appalonia · 16/05/2023 00:57

I'm so sorry all the unhelpful comments you have had, I totally know how difficult it is, and how we are supposed to feel ' blessed' by this ( hollow laugh). I've had a bad back since I was 19 because of this, clothes are a real challenge to find, fashion is not designed for our shape, I've looked into a reduction, but it's a v serious operation, and I didn't like the lack of nipple sensation, so I decided to live with it.

I wear fitted tops, straight leg trousers, to balance my top half, there's actually a lot of nice trousers around at the moment, and just try to accept myself, what else can you do...? X

Appalonia · 16/05/2023 00:59

bd67thSaysReinstateLangCleg · 16/05/2023 00:57

The small-to-average busted, as usual, do not fucking get it.

They don't live with the cat-calls and the wolf-whistles. They don't have men talking to their tits and not their faces. They aren't presumed to be promiscuous just for existing. They don't have men trying to cop a feel on the reg.

They can do sports without being in physical pain. They don't gave to hold their tits to run for a bus. They can lie face-down on a massage table comfortably.

They can buy bras and swimwear that fit from supermarkets. Their "right fit" bras can be cheap. Their "right fit" bras don't hurt them, wires impaling armpits, cutting in, and shoulder straps causing migraines. They can buy clothes that fit and fasten properly. They can buy fitted jackets and coats and dresses. For them, buying a suit for a job interview doesn't require a jacket several sizes too big followed by expensive alterations. They haven't taught themselves to sew just to avoid the costs of alterations.

They see the male attention and think "I want that" without considering how frightening it is to live as the permanent target of male lechery. They weren't turned into sex objects whilst still at primary school, so many big-boobed women were "early bloomers" and wearing adult bras at that age. They don't know what it's like to have a sexual assailant talk about how he likes your big tits whilst he gropes or rapes you.

No, OP, YANBU. Those who said you are can fuck off with their misplaced envy.

Every single word of what you just said! X

Bathmatts · 16/05/2023 00:59

bd67thSaysReinstateLangCleg · 16/05/2023 00:57

The small-to-average busted, as usual, do not fucking get it.

They don't live with the cat-calls and the wolf-whistles. They don't have men talking to their tits and not their faces. They aren't presumed to be promiscuous just for existing. They don't have men trying to cop a feel on the reg.

They can do sports without being in physical pain. They don't gave to hold their tits to run for a bus. They can lie face-down on a massage table comfortably.

They can buy bras and swimwear that fit from supermarkets. Their "right fit" bras can be cheap. Their "right fit" bras don't hurt them, wires impaling armpits, cutting in, and shoulder straps causing migraines. They can buy clothes that fit and fasten properly. They can buy fitted jackets and coats and dresses. For them, buying a suit for a job interview doesn't require a jacket several sizes too big followed by expensive alterations. They haven't taught themselves to sew just to avoid the costs of alterations.

They see the male attention and think "I want that" without considering how frightening it is to live as the permanent target of male lechery. They weren't turned into sex objects whilst still at primary school, so many big-boobed women were "early bloomers" and wearing adult bras at that age. They don't know what it's like to have a sexual assailant talk about how he likes your big tits whilst he gropes or rapes you.

No, OP, YANBU. Those who said you are can fuck off with their misplaced envy.

Oh this over and over again.
If you run for prime minister I'll vote for you and tell everyone else to as well.
Hero.
💓

OP posts:
DoingBugStuff · 16/05/2023 01:06

This reply has been deleted

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shivawn · 16/05/2023 01:08

Sorry you're getting some snarky responses here OP.

I don't share your problem but that doesn't prevent me from seeing why "just buy a bigger shirt" is really crap advice.

bd67thSaysReinstateLangCleg · 16/05/2023 01:09

This reply has been deleted

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tolerable · 16/05/2023 01:11

be aware of things you can (easily)change... my fave EVER photo of me was (hahaha!im so old!)when phone cameras was invented-light other side of room and partner caught my silouette on wall.TOTAL changed perspective....i love mine cos---fed my babies...varying degrees of love\hate co attention they got me...they was never a choice......looking down way(tryna see feet)was overuled since high school.egardless of weight up/down..from chin level.i ws (miserable)bout top heavy....til..side view contours..blew my mind...
try that?

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 16/05/2023 01:12

I hate mine too OP, but I'm a 36HH and mine have always been droopy with the nips pointing downwards. I've always been self conscious and now I'm older and MUCH fatter they're even worse. Now nothing fits me because I'm a whale rather than my tits being huge.

bd67thSaysReinstateLangCleg · 16/05/2023 01:13

I wish Bravissimo would bring back their clothing line. I bought a jacket from them and it fitted without me basically having to spend days at the sewing machine.

Sierra1961 · 16/05/2023 01:18

I have very small breasts and I know this makes no difference but I’d give anything to have big boobs and be more voluptuous 😔 nothing makes me feel less beautiful or womanly.

Chattycathydoll · 16/05/2023 01:21

Yes, I hate mine too. They’re not even that big, but I used to have a ballerina-like flat chest and now I have these big wobbly THINGS attached to me and I hate it. It’s so uncomfortable. Just the sensation of them being there, it feels horrible.

And I hate how they feel almost like a public statement of sexuality. Yes, before the ‘but they’re just body parts! They’re just for feeding babies!’ brigade gets here, I know that. But that doesn’t make societal behaviours stop existing. Breasts are sexualised, rightly or wrongly, and it feels like I went from looking visually innocent to visually sexual because these lumps of fat appeared on me.

Anyway I’m in therapy.

Chattycathydoll · 16/05/2023 01:22

Sierra1961 · 16/05/2023 01:18

I have very small breasts and I know this makes no difference but I’d give anything to have big boobs and be more voluptuous 😔 nothing makes me feel less beautiful or womanly.

I think this is the thing. I don’t WANT to feel voluptuous and womanly. It feels like this sexuality has been sprung on me without a choice. I miss having small flat breasts. It felt like being free.

Sierra1961 · 16/05/2023 01:26

@Chattycathydoll I think I’ve just had so many women use it against me as a way to deem me as not sexy and feminine that it’s my biggest insecurity. It crushes me. It’s something people can use against me and I’ll always feel like less of a woman because of it. Sad, right?

Don’t get me wrong, I can run and it doesn’t hurt; there’s never a need for a bra because they aren’t going anywhere; they’re perky and light and they never get in the way… but God what I’d give for a cleavage or just to feel a little bit sexy. Then again, I have no idea what it feels like to have big boobs. It’s nice to hear a different perspective though. You have the very thing I’d love to have.

bd67thSaysReinstateLangCleg · 16/05/2023 01:31

Sierra1961 · 16/05/2023 01:18

I have very small breasts and I know this makes no difference but I’d give anything to have big boobs and be more voluptuous 😔 nothing makes me feel less beautiful or womanly.

Did you read what I wrote about the utter terror of being a 24/7/365 sex object?

You can't take them off if you feel like a going to a conference in a male-dominated industry, which means having the vendor representatives talking to your chest, or being mistaken for a "booth babe" by the other delegates.

You have functioning milk ducts in your breasts. That, not their size, is what truly makes them womanly.

Chattycathydoll · 16/05/2023 01:32

Sierra1961 · 16/05/2023 01:26

@Chattycathydoll I think I’ve just had so many women use it against me as a way to deem me as not sexy and feminine that it’s my biggest insecurity. It crushes me. It’s something people can use against me and I’ll always feel like less of a woman because of it. Sad, right?

Don’t get me wrong, I can run and it doesn’t hurt; there’s never a need for a bra because they aren’t going anywhere; they’re perky and light and they never get in the way… but God what I’d give for a cleavage or just to feel a little bit sexy. Then again, I have no idea what it feels like to have big boobs. It’s nice to hear a different perspective though. You have the very thing I’d love to have.

This is the poison of society. Specifically that the society we live in is misogynistic. You can’t win.

You wish for the sex appeal: I wish for an escape from it. Frankly as someone attracted to women, size has really never mattered to me at all and I don’t think it sincerely does to men either. It’s just a way to control and demean us. There is no way to win. Frankly I just want to chop them off. But I’m aware that’s not a healthy attitude.

suburbophobe · 16/05/2023 01:34

Would you consider breast reduction surgery?

Please don't!

Friends' daughter died on the operating table to augment her breasts....

bd67thSaysReinstateLangCleg · 16/05/2023 01:45

Chattycathydoll · 16/05/2023 01:22

I think this is the thing. I don’t WANT to feel voluptuous and womanly. It feels like this sexuality has been sprung on me without a choice. I miss having small flat breasts. It felt like being free.

I last got to feel like that aged seven. I was sexually assaulted the following year by boys who had seen my breasts budding and wanted to know if I had pubic hair and what it felt like.

The fashion industry is run by and for men. Recall that Louboutin said that he designed heels for men, not women. It is men dictating that our breasts should look perky and be held up in bras to achieve that. It is men who have equated smart with fitted in Western fashion. It is men who sexualise big breasted women.

Plenty of cultures in the world have loose robes as their poshest outfits. If we collectively said "let loose be smart too", and wore belvia-type bras just to limit bouncing without trying to lift our breasts up, and if men stopped leching and making assumptions about our sexual availability, would I hate my breasts as much as I do? Probably not.

sykadelic · 16/05/2023 01:49

I was a 36/38N before I went for breast reduction. I'm now a measly (imo) 38H. I was aiming for a 36/38DD. They removed 4kgs of breast tissue. Shopping was depressing before but it's such a difference now.

Take the time to go shopping with the knowledge that it's going to be shit sometimes, but trying on different styles, different cuts. I like the "big girls" stores because they're styled/cut different.

  • Take your measurements
  • Consider paying for tailoring of your favourite shirts/clothes
  • try Amazon wardrobe or other companies that do a try on first.

You will find something that works. Big boobs are so common these days it's much easier than it used to be.

Good luck.