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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be appalled and upset by this

200 replies

bagpuss90 · 15/05/2023 19:43

So I split with my kids dad over 10 years ago . We have an okay relationship now. He remarrried and I get on well with his wife.
Anyway she text me at the weekend and asked if we could meet as she had something to tell me. I was a bit curious. . Anyway we met for a coffee - and she told me that my ex had told her that while we were on our honeymoon he went off for a massage and had a happy ending . He said he got carried away. She said it’s made her look at him in a different light and she thought I should know. I’ve moved on - but for some reason it’s really upset me. I feel like our marriage was a sham . It was our honeymoon ffs . I thought we were having great sex-silly me.I don’t think she’s lying . I really don’t. I don’t know why it’s bothered me so much. I’m happy now.

OP posts:
SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 15/05/2023 19:45

That is upsetting. I'm sorry that this happened. Flowers

CornishGem1975 · 15/05/2023 19:46

Ooh yeah, I'd be hugely pissed off about finding that out, even if I was divorced. I question the wife's motives for telling you though. It was only ever going to upset you.

HowDoYouDoWhatYouDoToMeIWishIKnew · 15/05/2023 19:46

She sounds like an absolute cunt.

Literally the only reason for telling you that was to make you feel like shit, and upset the amicable arrangement you all have.

Take a while to process this, it's been a shock, I get that, and distance yourself from her.

MaggieBsBoat · 15/05/2023 19:47

WTF is a happy ending?
of course YANBU if it’s what it sounds like. How long has he been married to his second wife? Has she got any ulterior motive?
He sounds like a lowlife and you would both be well rid!!

HappySonHappyMum · 15/05/2023 19:47

I can't even work out why she felt that you needed to know that. Can only think she wants the relationship with your DH to deteriorate so it reduces the amount of contact he has with the kids. She's not your friend.

GoodnightJude1 · 15/05/2023 19:47

I would find that upsetting also, OP.

but I’d be relieved I was rid of him now and feel sorry for his new wife….did he have a massage on their honeymoon too?

shockthemonkey · 15/05/2023 19:48

God knows why she chose to tell you this. I’d be angry about that. Sorry 😞

Original poster
bagpuss90 · 15/05/2023 19:48

MaggieBsBoat
I don’t think she has . I think it’s just really put her off him. I think she thought I ought to know. I almost wish I didn’t

OP posts:
Dillydollydingdong · 15/05/2023 19:49

Does it really matter now, ten years later? Leave it in the past, where it belongs.

Cherryana · 15/05/2023 19:49

I think it was really ‘off’ for her to tell you this. It’s upsetting- of course it is, and there is nothing to be done about the whole thing now - which just leaves you in an upsetting limbo.

The least interaction you can have with both of them the better.

Throwncrumbs · 15/05/2023 19:49

I would think that probably everything isn’t rosy on their marriage front..she’s seen him in a different light, maybe shes looking for ‘story’s’ from you!

Original poster
bagpuss90 · 15/05/2023 19:49

GoodnightJude1
good question 😂

OP posts:
Eurodiva · 15/05/2023 19:49

HappySonHappyMum · 15/05/2023 19:47

I can't even work out why she felt that you needed to know that. Can only think she wants the relationship with your DH to deteriorate so it reduces the amount of contact he has with the kids. She's not your friend.

This!

wankyseahorse33 · 15/05/2023 19:51

Why on earth would she tell you something like that?! That's fucking horrible! I can only imagine that this revelation has made her feel threatened in her relationship so she's attempting to diffuse it into you. I'm so sorry you've had this unnecessary kick in the guts. I know you feel now that you're healing has undone itself a bit but give it a couple of days and you'll be back to being grateful you are rid of him!

Original poster
bagpuss90 · 15/05/2023 19:51

The kids sort out their own contact with him now.

OP posts:
LookOutBandits · 15/05/2023 19:52

Tell her you've had a think about it and you've decided that it doesn't matter.

OnMyWayToSenility · 15/05/2023 19:53

Oh gos what an awful woman! So she's obviously had enough of him and decided that she wants an ally in this. Unfortunately, she thinks it's going to be you!

Steer well clear of her. Take it as not my circus not my monkeys, don't get involved and give her a wide berth from now on.

drpet49 · 15/05/2023 19:56

Dillydollydingdong · 15/05/2023 19:49

Does it really matter now, ten years later? Leave it in the past, where it belongs.

This

Floralnomad · 15/05/2023 19:57

I really cannot understand why she would tell you this , very strange .

Original poster
bagpuss90 · 15/05/2023 19:58

I’ve always liked her . She’s been great with the kids

OP posts:
tigger1001 · 15/05/2023 19:59

I totally understand why this has upset you. But I don't understand her motive for telling you. You have been divorced a long time. I really would question her motives in telling you.

Original poster
bagpuss90 · 15/05/2023 20:01

I want to know more . I was so shocked when she told me . There’s loads of stuff I wish I’d asked

OP posts:
ChocolateRaisin09 · 15/05/2023 20:01

I wonder how it even came up between them...

IAteAllTheTomatoes · 15/05/2023 20:02

I think she might be genuinely thinking how the hell did I end up with this loser? And was probably hoping you would add to his list of flaws if she's considering leaving him and needs to get her head around it.

It's a pity you didn't reply "that's probably the least of his failings. I'm sure you can see why I got rid of him. I'm very sorry but he's your problem now".

Dotcheck · 15/05/2023 20:04

She probably told you because she is still processing it, and was using you as a sounding board.

Incredibly selfish behaviour