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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be appalled and upset by this

200 replies

bagpuss90 · 15/05/2023 19:43

So I split with my kids dad over 10 years ago . We have an okay relationship now. He remarrried and I get on well with his wife.
Anyway she text me at the weekend and asked if we could meet as she had something to tell me. I was a bit curious. . Anyway we met for a coffee - and she told me that my ex had told her that while we were on our honeymoon he went off for a massage and had a happy ending . He said he got carried away. She said it’s made her look at him in a different light and she thought I should know. I’ve moved on - but for some reason it’s really upset me. I feel like our marriage was a sham . It was our honeymoon ffs . I thought we were having great sex-silly me.I don’t think she’s lying . I really don’t. I don’t know why it’s bothered me so much. I’m happy now.

OP posts:
wildfirewonder · 15/05/2023 20:32

She's really something, what a horrible thing to do to you.

You are well rid of your DH, she still has this to go through!

EwwSprouts · 15/05/2023 20:33

No I wouldn't want to know as you're already divorced. You already know the ex has a personality you don't love. She's got an agenda beyond I think you ought to know.

EmmaEmerald · 15/05/2023 20:34

tigger1001 · 15/05/2023 19:59

I totally understand why this has upset you. But I don't understand her motive for telling you. You have been divorced a long time. I really would question her motives in telling you.

This.

Newmum110 · 15/05/2023 20:37

I hope you told her that it is actually you who got the happy ending seeing as you are no longer married to the pr*$k......

swimsong · 15/05/2023 20:39

RandyMiceDavies · 15/05/2023 20:08

Something about this story doesn’t ring true. A massage with a happy ending happens because you’ve deliberately gone to a place that offers that and a lot more besides- it’s not something that’s related to getting “carried away” as if a normal massage might develop into a hand job. She’s made it sound like it was in the hotel spa Confused

So either he’s not being straight with her or she’s not being straight with you.

Username checks out 😎

Do you remember him having a massage?

billy1966 · 15/05/2023 20:40

I think she wanted to share something utterly disgusting about her husband and decided to tell you.

I am not surprised she is appalled and looking at him differently.

He's disgusting, but he's also thick as mice not to realise this really isn't a story to be telling.

Disgusting AND thick? Ick.

You are well rid OP.

funinthesun19 · 15/05/2023 20:43

I think that maybe she’s unhappy with him and is trying to get a conversation going with you about him and why you split. She might be using that to trigger you in to having a rant about him and revealing something about your past that she might be able to relate to.

Ultimately she might be seeing you as an ally and someone who has been through his shit and you can both open to each other.

It could of course be a case of they’re really happy together and it was just be her telling you some information you didn’t really need (or want) to know and to run your nose in it.

Stravaig · 15/05/2023 20:44

I'd wonder if he's told current partner about incident whilst with ex partner as an indirect way of confessing the same behaviour happening again.
She may be thinking the same thing and be looking for information/support.
Putting the kids interests first can make for unexpected allies.

CornishGem1975 · 15/05/2023 20:44

Coming back to this - with him saying "he got carried away" maybe he meant he just really enjoyed the massage and it turned him on to the point he ejaculated? Therefore, having a "happy ending"? Sounds more plausible if it was a genuine kosher massage place.

Runningcrew · 15/05/2023 21:07

littleripper · 15/05/2023 20:28

So many weird responses.....
DH cheats with a sex worker whilst on honeymoon and everyone is livid with his NEW WIFE who is horrified and clearly got the ick so shared it.

I'd want to know, and I'd be really grateful that she has told me and not protected him. Sounds like she has been a great step mum and is not a bitch, shit stirrer or cunt at all to me.

I’m not sure if it was the best move to tell her, even though I don’t feel she had malicious intentions but I do agree it’s interesting there has been more scrutiny & criticism of her than the actual ex. Women hold each other to a higher standard than they do men unfortunately.

OP, that’s a horrible thing to find out. I’m not surprised it’s bothered you even though you’ve obviously both moved on from the marriage. It would make you question past good times in the marriages if he can’t even be faithful in the honeymoon. At least you’re well rid. Unfortunately for her , he’s her problem now.

IneedanewTV · 15/05/2023 21:14

You have a good relationship with this woman who has also been a good step mum. Let’s not blame her. He is the one at fault. She is disgusted with him and has reached out to you. Thank goodness he isn’t your problem anymore.

steff13 · 15/05/2023 21:15

My ex-husband and I have a mutual friend who told me once that he thought my ex might have cheated on me. I don't think he did, and the "friend" didn't have any evidence that he had, just a "feeling." It didn't make me look at my ex differently, but it sure made me look at the friend differently. I couldn't think that there was any reason for him to tell me other than to hurt me. I've kept him at arm's length since.

Inthebathagain · 15/05/2023 21:17

Bitch.

No other word for it.

Hayliebells · 15/05/2023 21:24

She didn't need to tell you. Even if it's put her off him, that's not something she needs to involve you in. I think it's a bit shitty that she told you tbh.

Confused5678 · 15/05/2023 21:30

I don’t think she told you this out of mallice . I think she wants support . But that’s just a guess.

DarkDarkNight · 15/05/2023 21:31

That’s an awful thing for your ex to have done on your honeymoon, but as you are now divorced I don’t see why his wife thought you should know. There was nothing to gain except to make herself feel better. What did she expect you to do with the information? She’s just making herself feel better.

PeaceLilyCactus · 15/05/2023 21:34

She’s been cruel to you, even if it wasn’t deliberate and she was just selfishly thinking of herself. And you’ve got every right to feel upset.

A ‘friend’ did this to me after my divorce. On a fun weekend away with friends (my first time out after a year of hell), she told me on our first night about how my ex had been sending dick pics to multiple young women at work while we were together (friend also worked there and hadn’t told me anything when I was married). It really upset me and ruined the weekend.

I distanced myself from that friend because she must have known it would upset me, and there was no good reason to tell me on that night. I’d keep your distance from this woman who’s trying to involve you in their declining relationship. She doesn’t have your best interest at heart.

Whiteroomjoy · 15/05/2023 21:35

bagpuss90 · 15/05/2023 19:48

MaggieBsBoat
I don’t think she has . I think it’s just really put her off him. I think she thought I ought to know. I almost wish I didn’t

No, she didn’t think you ought to know. She just didn’t think about anyone else but her.
it serves no purpose to you whatsoever.
im shocked someone could be this selfish and vindictive to do this. Don’t mistake it for anything else than a complete lack of empathy
id have replied, if it had come to me at the time, well did you know we still slept togther when you started dated, or something equally malicious and then walk off

do not engage with er ever again. Block her,

LightlySearedontheRealityGrill · 15/05/2023 21:41

I would tell him what she told you, ask him if its true. She wants it all out in the open, is fine to upset you in the process, well she can reap the rewards of that.

Whiteroomjoy · 15/05/2023 21:42

Stravaig · 15/05/2023 20:44

I'd wonder if he's told current partner about incident whilst with ex partner as an indirect way of confessing the same behaviour happening again.
She may be thinking the same thing and be looking for information/support.
Putting the kids interests first can make for unexpected allies.

If she wants support, then she’ll have her own support group. Why the hell would you say something to an ex wife who no longer is involved, hasn’t been for some time and, for all she knows, might already know this anyway.
there are some things you just should not do, telling someone something that they cannot change. Years after horse is bolted is going to service only one purpose - to distress the invidusl and leave them feeling powerless and humiliated.
she other too utterly stupid to realise this or too utterly self absorbed to care or she just trying to belittle the poster. And most likely a combination of all 3

and for those saying don’t shoot the messenger it is ex’s fault. The op is divorced. She no longer has a relationship with him other than co parent. She doesn’t, really does not, need to know this now.

FabFitFifties · 15/05/2023 21:43

CornishGem1975 · 15/05/2023 20:44

Coming back to this - with him saying "he got carried away" maybe he meant he just really enjoyed the massage and it turned him on to the point he ejaculated? Therefore, having a "happy ending"? Sounds more plausible if it was a genuine kosher massage place.

This is what I thought too.

OrlandointheWilderness · 15/05/2023 21:46

I think this has probably rocked her opinion of him and she feels lost. She's probably reaching out to the only other person who could possibly help her make sense of it. Yes it isn't ideal, but she is going through discovering her DH isn't who she thought he was and is having a shit time too.

Confused5678 · 15/05/2023 21:48

Whiteroomjoy · 15/05/2023 21:42

If she wants support, then she’ll have her own support group. Why the hell would you say something to an ex wife who no longer is involved, hasn’t been for some time and, for all she knows, might already know this anyway.
there are some things you just should not do, telling someone something that they cannot change. Years after horse is bolted is going to service only one purpose - to distress the invidusl and leave them feeling powerless and humiliated.
she other too utterly stupid to realise this or too utterly self absorbed to care or she just trying to belittle the poster. And most likely a combination of all 3

and for those saying don’t shoot the messenger it is ex’s fault. The op is divorced. She no longer has a relationship with him other than co parent. She doesn’t, really does not, need to know this now.

Show quote history

The OP has every right to be shocked and appalled by this info. It’s been 10 years though, like you said they are only Co parents now . I think the wife feels worried and is looking to look for reassurance / more information.This may be selfish, but she seems in a bad place . OP says they generally have a good relationship .

Howdoidoit100 · 15/05/2023 21:49

I only know what a 'happy ending' is from watching Schitts creek on Netflix. This is nearly the same plot. The only difference is the massage was on the wedding day and not the honeymoon. Could the ex have watched that, and it reminded him of the massage he had on honeymoon and decided it would be funny to embellish the story? Obviously it's not funny but I don't know the man and how he thinks.

hopeishopeless · 15/05/2023 21:51

I'd laugh if someone told me that about my ex husband. I have absolutely zero feelings about or for him, so I'd definitely see the funny side of this one. It wouldn't make me re-evaluate anything at all. I would, however, wonder if his wife suspects him of cheating on her and it's her funny way of saying so and sort of asking for your support (which I'd give her in that case).