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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I ruining the holiday?

461 replies

jasmine92 · 15/05/2023 10:14

DP has not said as much but I just feel bad.

We spent a lot of money on a much needed holiday as we’ve been super stressed - we booked a really remote, hot location with the plan being nothing but sunbathing.
We’ve got here and it’s freezing cold, and it’s expected to be until we leave. I feel gutted because a) we spent a lot of money, b) there’s literally nothing else to do and c) he suggested other locations that I said no to because I have been before, and I should’ve gone for them as they’re really hot right now.

I keep mentioning the weather, DP keeps telling me to “make the most of it”, “it’s done now”, “it’s out of our control” etc but I just hate being cold and there’s literally nothing else to do. He told me off for looking at the weather and told me not to look again. But I just am so annoyed. Also gutted as I packed only dresses.

Also, I really wanted a holiday for us to just get away from everything as we’ve been so stressed. I said let’s just put our phones down for the week, and let’s not talk about anything going on at home that’s stressful, and let’s talk about different stuff, but he keeps scrolling each time I even walk 2 metres away. He said I put too much pressure on the holiday by saying this.
I then got upset during breakfast as he wasn’t really saying much and he said he felt pressured to make conversation. He also said he’d had 3 hours sleep and I wasn’t being understanding.

I just feel like a misery guts but I can’t help but be upset, and I don’t feel like he’s understanding. Am I unreasonable?

OP posts:
PineappleLatte · 15/05/2023 10:16

If he wants to use his phone when on holiday then why are you stopping him?

SecretVictoria · 15/05/2023 10:16

Where are you? Did you look at the weather for this time of year before you booked?

Houseupdate · 15/05/2023 10:16

Yes and no.

Why didn’t you look at the weather forecast and pack appropriate clothes?

He is right that you can choose to be miserable or
choose to buy some appropriate clothes and enjoy the holiday as much as you can.

UndercoverCop · 15/05/2023 10:18

Bluntly yes you are ruining the holiday. Stop with the rules and the moaning. You are where you are, get your phone out and find something to do.
What's available in your accommodation? Is there a spa?
What's available locally?
Would the holiday be better if you hired a car for a few days?
Be proactive stop complaining.
Your DH probably isn't talking much because all you want to do is moan , he doesn't want to repeat the same things over and over, and active with 3 hours sleep is not going to be on top form.

EscapeTheCastle · 15/05/2023 10:20

Let us know where you are and I'm sure we can help.
Rotten luck with the weather!

TheInterceptor · 15/05/2023 10:20

Yes, you're ruining your holiday. And your relationship. And your sense of happiness and wellbeing. Time for a change, OP.

ChicoryDip · 15/05/2023 10:21

This is one of those where you can choose to be miserable or try to be positive and make the best of it.

Can you buy some warmer clothes? Is there really nothing else to do - any sports you could play, a gym, walking trails, spa. Any excursions organised by the holiday company, a local town/village to visit, hire a car, local bus service?

Sadly you may have to throw some money at it but even if you plan some walks, find somewhere nice to sit and read your books and have a coffee/beer together it might feel like you have some structure to the day.

TrashyPanda · 15/05/2023 10:21

How remote are you?

was your plan just to sunbathe and do nothing else - not even read a book, go for a swim? Because that sounds incredibly boring and most people would crack after the first day.

skyeisthelimit · 15/05/2023 10:23

You do need to make the best of it now you are there. Moaning about it doesn't change anything. and if he suggested other hotter places and you vetoed them then he has a right to be a bit annoyed if you are now moaning about where you are.

The phone thing would annoy me though, it sounds like he is obsessed with it if he can't put it down and leave it alone.

If you don't have anything to say to each other, then maybe the relationship is over?

Wishimaywishimight · 15/05/2023 10:23

Yes, you are ruining the holiday. I am sure he is disappointed with the weather too. You really have to find the positives - change of scenery, away from the usual stresses etc. Surely it's not so remote that you can't make your way to some sort of village or town and get some food, a drink. Stock up on books and catch up on your reading.

Leave him with the phone - there's nothing so annoying as being forced to make conversation when you don't feel like it.

Just try to chill out. At least you're not at work!

BirbFriend · 15/05/2023 10:24

Where are you? Can you hire a car so you can drive about?

Original poster
jasmine92 · 15/05/2023 10:25

We’re in Greece but the weather said it was gonna be scorching and it changed last minute. We looked at hiring a car but it’s extortionate.
Our plans were beaches, books, sun etc but we can’t do any of it

OP posts:
bumblefeline · 15/05/2023 10:25

Where have you gone? lots of places are still cold early May. I would either come home or get low cost flights somewhere warm.

LaDamaDeElche · 15/05/2023 10:25

Yes you are. You have an idea of how the holiday should be in your head, but it isn't like that (probably wouldn't have matched expectations exactly even if it was hot either) and you have to relax and make the most of it. If you're cold go and buy some warmer clothes. If you have to take a taxi to do this, so be it. One problem solved. I don't think you can tell another adult to not look at their phone or try to force conversation. How stressed out you are is probably not conducive to him wanting to make conversation. Just try to make the best of it and relax.

Pootles34 · 15/05/2023 10:26

Hire the car. Better to spend a bit more than waste the cost of the holiday. Have a chat with the hotel staff, they may be able to point you in the direction of the cheapest place, and haggle with them

Pot8ohs · 15/05/2023 10:27

A little bit yes. You are still incredibly stressed and out of sorts I think and yes putting a bit too much pressure on both of you.

Maybe find somewhere isolated to have a good rant and moan where no one can hear you and then try to just get some sleep. Give up on forcing a holiday spirit or what you think you ought to be doing. We’ve had holidays when we just stayed in bed or on the sofa like zombies for 2 or 3 days just because we were so exhausted. It’s not what you hope for but sometimes it’s just what needs to be done. Then the rest of the holiday picks up once you’ve recovered a bit.

MargotBamborough · 15/05/2023 10:27

You can't read the books because...?

It is what it is, OP.

Buy some warmer clothes and go on walks.

Or suck up the extra cost and hire a car.

Atishoos · 15/05/2023 10:27

There must be a way to get to "civilisation" such as a town where you can have some time wandering, shopping, eating out, having a cocktail etc.?

Remote is fine on paper, but in reality a way to escape from it for a day here and there is essential too!

Being at such close quarters on top of each other with no other distractions can be stressful in itself. Get out for the day, call an Uber, drive your car, whatever.

TorviShieldMaiden · 15/05/2023 10:28

You can read books when it’s cold! Go for walks on beaches, one of my favourite winter activities!

You seem obsessed with the weather. How cold can it possibly be? Buy a jumper and crack on.

HaiIeyy · 15/05/2023 10:28

Yes you're ruining the holiday. By the way you've just used your phone to post on here. You're being ridiculous about him using his phone, controlling even. Go and buy a jacket and make the most of your time there. Do you not enjoy UK when the weather is cold? Go and have meals, sip drinks, have chats, read books indoors, use an indoor pool, spa. Make the most of it instead of sulking.

TokyoSushi · 15/05/2023 10:29

This happened to us once in Egypt, it was about 15 years ago and I pretty much spent 2 weeks in the jeans and cardigan that I had travelled in - it was freezing!

We made the most of it though, spent days in bed (no not always doing that!) watching the cheesy films that they had available like Uncle Buck and Home Alone, we ate loads, and went on lots of organised trip to see stuff. We actually had a great time!

NeedToChangeName · 15/05/2023 10:29

Our plans were beaches, books, sun etc but we can’t do any of it

Can't do any of it?! Not even reading? I suggest you buy a jumper, go for a walk, go for a nice lunch, find a cafe where you can read for a while. Sure, it's not the holiday you planned, but I agree with your DH, best just make the most of it

And telling your DH not to look at his phone is controlling, BTW (and hypocritical if you're using your phone to post on MN.....)

CurlewKate · 15/05/2023 10:31

Buy a coat. Cafes. Books. Walks. Candy Crush (is that still a thing?) Delicious dinners. How remote can you be in Greece? Surely you're tripping over museums and archaeological stuff?

Bimbom · 15/05/2023 10:31

I get that you're disappointed but he's right, it can't be changed and you do need to make the most of it.

Re the phone, is he checking work stuff or just mindlessly scrolling? If it's the former I agree with you but if the latter he's just doing what we all do.

Personally I would suck up the cost of a hire car, buy a jacket and get out and about.

Nordicrain · 15/05/2023 10:32

Where in Greece? We have been to Greece quite a few times and there's normally stuff to do. A town, some ruins, some walks, boat trips, ferry to other islands etc. And, hello, Greek food!