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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I ruining the holiday?

461 replies

jasmine92 · 15/05/2023 10:14

DP has not said as much but I just feel bad.

We spent a lot of money on a much needed holiday as we’ve been super stressed - we booked a really remote, hot location with the plan being nothing but sunbathing.
We’ve got here and it’s freezing cold, and it’s expected to be until we leave. I feel gutted because a) we spent a lot of money, b) there’s literally nothing else to do and c) he suggested other locations that I said no to because I have been before, and I should’ve gone for them as they’re really hot right now.

I keep mentioning the weather, DP keeps telling me to “make the most of it”, “it’s done now”, “it’s out of our control” etc but I just hate being cold and there’s literally nothing else to do. He told me off for looking at the weather and told me not to look again. But I just am so annoyed. Also gutted as I packed only dresses.

Also, I really wanted a holiday for us to just get away from everything as we’ve been so stressed. I said let’s just put our phones down for the week, and let’s not talk about anything going on at home that’s stressful, and let’s talk about different stuff, but he keeps scrolling each time I even walk 2 metres away. He said I put too much pressure on the holiday by saying this.
I then got upset during breakfast as he wasn’t really saying much and he said he felt pressured to make conversation. He also said he’d had 3 hours sleep and I wasn’t being understanding.

I just feel like a misery guts but I can’t help but be upset, and I don’t feel like he’s understanding. Am I unreasonable?

OP posts:
Ktime · 15/05/2023 10:34

bumblefeline · 15/05/2023 10:25

Where have you gone? lots of places are still cold early May. I would either come home or get low cost flights somewhere warm.

May is low season, the chances scorching weather are slim.

Why are you allowed to keep checking your phone to check the weather, but he's not allowed on his phone?

saraclara · 15/05/2023 10:35

This is one of those where you can choose to be miserable or try to be positive and make the best of it.

Yep. I'm no fan of toxic positivity, but your attitude at this point is ruining the holiday for both of you. The weather's turned in the country that I'm going to next week. I'm disappointed, but it will be a far worse waste of money if I decide to be miserable throughout it, and the friend travelling with me doesn't deserve to have me whinging, on top of their own disappointment.

transformandriseup · 15/05/2023 10:36

Surely the weather is Greece is warmer than here (11 degrees and windy) Maybe it's too cold for sunbathing but there must be some nice walks you can go on and a bar you can sit in. Maybe a spa you can go to.

Noicant · 15/05/2023 10:36

Yup, you need to chill, DH and I would have laughed about after a good sweary rant and then found something to do. Go find something to get on with an enjoy it.

HadEnough2023 · 15/05/2023 10:37

Yep you're ruining your hoilday. Chill out, he's allowed on his phone. You can still read books and go for walks.

Chill before you ruin your relationship.

5128gap · 15/05/2023 10:37

You need to let go of what you expected and deal with what you have. Do something productive with the week at least. If it were me I'd be seeing it as a health and wellbeing opportunity. Choosing lovely foods, going for long walks, lots of rest, reading, generally letting my mind relax.
And leave the poor guy alone! If it had been left to him you'd be at a place where there were things to do, yet you insisted on dictating a very specific holiday, based around what you wanted, trying to set controls to ensure it met your needs. Its not his fault that you've fallen foul of the one aspect you couldn't control, and he isnt your hired entertainment to compensate.
I sympathise with your disappointment, I really do, but you do need to stop, as you're being very unfair. In future you'll know to always have a plan B for weather, so hopefully this will be a one off.

HappiestSleeping · 15/05/2023 10:37

Happiness is not a future event. It's right now. You are with your beloved, so nothing else should really matter.

Stop whingeing and be thankful you are both healthy and together.

BeginningToLookALotLike · 15/05/2023 10:37

I second the suggestion to ask the hotel staff for recommendations. They will have seen this weather before.

I can see why you are fed up because the weather is making it so much harder to relax and switch off. But you can't change the weather!

Sissynova · 15/05/2023 10:39

Yes you're being miserable. You are the one moaning about the weather non stop and then making up arbitrary rules like your DP can't be on his phone. He's on holiday, leave him alone if he wants to browse his phone a bit. It doesn't sound like that is the cause of the bad blood.

pizzaHeart · 15/05/2023 10:39

I can get it OP. I hate cold and tolerate it badly. I’ve got a few health issues which are worse when I’m cold. My DH and DD are both much more resilient. But in your case what’s done it’s done now you have to be more proactive and change your plan, I’m sure some changes are possible. Hire a car and go somewhere, buy some clothes, you don’t need full winter attire, just something to add layers, research local cuisine and go for a long dinner, have a lot of sex to warm up.
It’s miserable when it’s cold but don’t give up.

herewegoroundthebastardbush · 15/05/2023 10:41

Nothing to do in Greece? Are you serious?

Go to a bloody museum. Eat the amazing food. Drink some wine. Read your books in the hotel lounge. Don't you have an indoor pool at your hotel/nearby?

Seriously your husband sounds great. He's making the best of a holiday he didn't even want in the first place.

Sounds like you are annoyed with yourself and are looking to push it off on him. Childish.

Bansheed · 15/05/2023 10:41

My DP and I would eat, drink and shag. And still read our books. You are away from all your stresses at home, try and enjoy it, and each other.

herewegoroundthebastardbush · 15/05/2023 10:42

And yes, buy a bloody jumper. However cold it is there, I'm sure you've been colder here and somehow survived.

PutinSmellsPassItOn · 15/05/2023 10:43

If I was stuck on holiday with a moanyarse who can't get past a bit of cold weather to make the most of things I'd be scrolling on my phone too 😬

Peridot1 · 15/05/2023 10:46

That sounds rubbish and I would be disappointed too. Sadly Greece can have cooler weather this time of year. We went this time quite a few years ago for my 40th and ended up gaming home early as the weather was so bad. Trying to occupy a toddler in a small hotel room due to all the rain wasn’t fun. We were lucky though that we were living in Bulgaria at the time so had driven down and could just drive back home.

you need to find some ways to make the most of where you are. Are there any organised tours or trips you could do one day? You can still read your books. See if you can find a shop somewhere to buy something warmer to wear and go for some walks. Have a nice long lunch. Is it a big resort hotel? Are there things to do - yoga classes or similar?

BellatrixLestrangesHeatedCurlers · 15/05/2023 10:48

Both of you sound ill-matched and deeply immature. You didn't think to pack even one cardigan or something else in case it wasn't warm? He keeps telling you off for checking the weather? You keep telling him off for using his phone? Sounds like the relationship is at a dead end if you can't make the best of a holiday tbh.

Stompythedinosaur · 15/05/2023 10:49

jasmine92 · 15/05/2023 10:25

We’re in Greece but the weather said it was gonna be scorching and it changed last minute. We looked at hiring a car but it’s extortionate.
Our plans were beaches, books, sun etc but we can’t do any of it

It's so cold that you can't read a book? Don't be silly.

Just enjoy each other's company! Read, play cards maybe, nothing wrong with going on your phones if you want to.

Yes, it's disappointing the weather isn't hotter, but you can still have a lovely time if you let yourself.

Odile13 · 15/05/2023 10:49

From what you’ve posted it does sound like you’re being miserable. You’re there now and really the only sensible thing is to make the most of it - you can still read or go for walks or enjoy food & drinks or make plans.

It sounds like you’ve checked the weather (on your phone?) and are on mumsnet, but you don’t want him to check his phone when you walk away, which seems like quite a reasonable thing for him to do when you’ve said there’s nothing else to do and you’re not being great company. I don’t think that’s fair.

Maybe draw a line under it and try to make the best from now on? I bet if you put your heads together you could come up with fun things to do.

viques · 15/05/2023 10:49

Pootles34 · 15/05/2023 10:26

Hire the car. Better to spend a bit more than waste the cost of the holiday. Have a chat with the hotel staff, they may be able to point you in the direction of the cheapest place, and haggle with them

Greece has buses. Ask local staff about local buses.they might not be frequent so if you miss one you might need to get a cab. Alternatively just use cabs, cheaper than hiring a car and as a bonus you are putting money directly back into the local economy.

vitahelp · 15/05/2023 10:49

I feel for you. I tend to get an idea in my head of how something will be and if it deviates I find it very hard to accept/get on with it. I end up dwelling on the disappointment for a bit too long, as you are doing.
The turning point for me tends to be the moment I just think "I can't change it, I'm here now" and make a conscious decision just to enjoy myself in the current situation. Please try and force yourself into this mindset now and make that shift, and there is a good chance you will enjoy the rest of your break. It may still be tinged with some disappointment but that doesn't matter, as long as you know you made the best of the situation.

Marmalade71 · 15/05/2023 10:50

I relate to some extent as we were abroad last week and the weather was disappointing - warmer than the UK and mostly dry but not sunbathing weather. We were fortunate to be in a good hotel so made use of the spa and gym and we did lots of reading, chilling and, dare I say it, phone scrolling. Neither of us fancied driving so we hired a driver for a day who took us on a highlights tour of the island - well worth the expense as it felt like a bit of proper holiday. We both feel relaxed and happy on returning - we would absolutely not do if we'd allowed the weather to spoil it. You're in Greece, you're not in work - enjoy!

towriteyoumustlive · 15/05/2023 10:51

You do sound miserable and whiny.

No holiday guarantees good weather so just make the most of it.

Just go and buy some blankets and sit on the beach and read your book. I have photos of me on a beach with a book and blankets! Who cares if it's not scorching?!?! As long as it's not raining!

Not to mention the beautiful costal walks you can do in Greece! Go and find an amazing walk you can do an enjoy their beautiful scenery.

JulieHoney · 15/05/2023 10:53

Yes, you're taking an inconvenient situation and making it into a huge deal.

So it's not hot - bummer, sure, but not something you can do owt about. Stop moaning and go buy a cardi and some leggings for under your dress. Get the local buses (or hire a car for a couple of days). See the local area, eat out, read books, play cards... and stop trying to inflict a phone ban on your partner. ~If I were stuck with someone moaning about the weather all day I'd be on my damned phone too.

river2 · 15/05/2023 10:54

public transport in mainland Greece and on the islands is good (cheap, reliable, regular) so you can probably get a bus ride to an interesting town or village nearby.

mummymeister · 15/05/2023 10:55

Are you always like this when things dont match your expectations? you dont sound very resilient to be honest and the being away together should be the most important thing not what the weather is doing surely. things constantly arent what we expect them to be and you can spoil it or make the most of it.