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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this a dumpable offence?! AIBU or is he?!

289 replies

Beatendownmum · 14/05/2023 00:38

Bit of background context here before the story begins -

This is my house, I pay 100% of the mortgage and bills. But he stays occasionally, sometimes a lot.

We’ve had a really lovely day with my DC (not his, he has no kids), I was really tired after a whole day out so went up to bed around 9ish. He stayed downstairs to watch Eurovision (each to their own and all that). Anyway he comes bursting into the bedroom waking me up at 11 saying the TV is messing up he NEEDS to watch the rest of it in the bedroom! He knows I don’t sleep well if TV is on in background, never have never will. Really quite insistent and panicky that he must watch the rest as he loves Eurovision and desperate pleas to watch it in the bedroom, I go and get in my DCs bottom bunk, now I’m still awake in bottom bunk while he is asleep in MY bed and I am LIVID!!! To me, this is another example of him being a bit of a selfish brat - there are other examples I mean another is only this week - he drops his car off at garage I collect him and he is absolutely fuming 1 of my kids is in the front seat - the garage is a few min drive from mine - who the bloody hell cares if you have to sit in the back of a car for few minutes?!

Anyway, I just wouldn’t do that to someone? If I was that bothered I’d watch it on my bloody phone downstairs and let my DP sleep!! I sometimes wonder if because he has never had children, he’s never had to put anybody else above himself which is why he can be a bit of a brat?! Although he was married before.

I had been on my own for a few years previous to this relationship, so I’m unsure if I’m being unreasonable or he is?!!

OP posts:
rollingbolognese · 14/05/2023 00:44

Well he’s a catch

itsrainin · 14/05/2023 00:44

It doesn’t sound like you’re on the same wavelength

sorry but no guest in my place would kick me out of my own bedroom, i would have been firm. He could have watched the rest of that on his phone whilst he sorted the tv issue out.

Soozikinzii · 14/05/2023 00:45

I would hate that . I think it would be classed as sleep deprivation . As you say he should've watched the end of it on his phone.

Pixiedust1234 · 14/05/2023 00:48

So it's your house and your car but his rules?

Yeah, no thanks. Either tell him no or tell him bye.

TomatoSandwiches · 14/05/2023 00:49

Jesus christ I would have thrown everything in my bedroom at him if he woke me up for a fucking singing contest show.
Get rid of him, he's selfish and rude, pretty sure his attitude helped his divorce along, she was smart to not have kids with him, have a think about that.

CharlottenBerg · 14/05/2023 00:49

He sounds like a prick. Dump him.

WineIsMyMainVice · 14/05/2023 00:51

YANBU

EscapeRoomToTheSun · 14/05/2023 00:53

Wake him up and tell him to gtfo.

Scienceadvisory · 14/05/2023 00:56

Please don't blame his awful behaviour on the fact he doesn't have children. I'm childfree, I don't act like a dickhead.

Original poster
Beatendownmum · 14/05/2023 00:56

I think you’re right I just couldn’t imagine being that selfish tbh!

OP posts:
TomatoSandwiches · 14/05/2023 00:58

How old is he and how long have you been together?

Original poster
Beatendownmum · 14/05/2023 00:59

Sorry, I’m not blaming his behaviour on the fact he has no children. I was simply wondering if the fact he’s never had to put anybody above himself is why he behaves like this. Just him and his behaviour, it was by no means an insinuation that everybody with no children behaves the same.

OP posts:
Original poster
Beatendownmum · 14/05/2023 01:00

@TomatoSandwiches 37 and 8 - 9 months ish

OP posts:
Scarletthoo2 · 14/05/2023 01:00

God he sounds like a right pain in the arse

JupiterFortified · 14/05/2023 01:03

YABVU to say this: “I sometimes wonder if because he has never had children, he’s never had to put anybody else above himself which is why he can be a bit of a brat?!”. You do realise childless people are just people and not necessarily more self centred than parents?

Aside from that, YANBU in the sense he sounds like a prick. Especially over the car issue.

cheeseandketchupsandwich · 14/05/2023 01:05

Say buh-bye!

upinspaceman · 14/05/2023 01:08

JupiterFortified · 14/05/2023 01:03

YABVU to say this: “I sometimes wonder if because he has never had children, he’s never had to put anybody else above himself which is why he can be a bit of a brat?!”. You do realise childless people are just people and not necessarily more self centred than parents?

Aside from that, YANBU in the sense he sounds like a prick. Especially over the car issue.

She's clarified this point above, and it's better these days to say childfree not childless.

I agree though, he sounds awful. Having spent a long time happy as a single parent I would not let a man into my house who behaves like this

JudgeRudy · 14/05/2023 01:14

I don't really view myself as particularly tolerant, but you seem overly annoyed to me. Yes I'd be irritated I'd been woken up but if someone was 'in the middle of' something I'd forgive them. I'd feel the same if it was a football match or something else I had no intetest in. I am of course making some assumptions....He stayed over as he had just spent the day taking your kids out and he would be spending Sunday with you all again. 9pm is pretty early to go bed. Do you have anything you have to be up early for tomorrow? I'm not saying I wouldn't have grumbled a bit but once I was woken up I'd have just let him watch it or I'd have said earlier I want to be on my own and asked him to leave (thn if I was him I'd be annoyed having spent the day with ghe kids then getting rejected).

Original poster
Beatendownmum · 14/05/2023 01:18

@JudgeRudy to clarify he did not take my kids out, I took my kids out and he came along. 9pm is a reasonable time to go to bed when you have 3 kids who all play football matches on Sundays, from 9am onwards throughout the day at all different locations. I have also worked a very long week at my full time job and done extra hours at my part time job this week, I was exhausted by tonight!

OP posts:
Meggymoo777 · 14/05/2023 01:20

Well I wouldn't have gotten out of my bed for him to watch it, that's for sure. I've have told him to fuck off back downstairs.

More concerned about the car thing though... how do you mean he was livid?

Fimofriend · 14/05/2023 01:29

It is very odd that he got upset about sitting in the back seat instead of being grateful that you picked him up. Sounds like he is a bit immature.

Ellie56 · 14/05/2023 01:32

I'd throw this one back. He sounds an entitled twat.

You can do a lot better than this. You deserve better too.

JudgeRudy · 14/05/2023 02:21

Beatendownmum · 14/05/2023 01:18

@JudgeRudy to clarify he did not take my kids out, I took my kids out and he came along. 9pm is a reasonable time to go to bed when you have 3 kids who all play football matches on Sundays, from 9am onwards throughout the day at all different locations. I have also worked a very long week at my full time job and done extra hours at my part time job this week, I was exhausted by tonight!

Apologies, I didn't necessarily mean he paid for or drove you and your kids, I meant it had probably been a long day and he's spent it with you and your kids so it wouldn't seem odd to want to spend the night after that.
Personally I think that as you go to bed at 9pm and have football with the kids Sunday morning, it might have been better all round if he had gone home. Maybe agree some 'rules'

Toddlerteaplease · 14/05/2023 02:40

The fact that you are even asking the question, means it's dumpable behaviour

Suburblia · 14/05/2023 02:46

YANBU

I've been there and given up my bed and taken the sofa bed. Why? Fuck knows. For a quiet night.

It's not acceptable and I suspect your patience will wear very thin, very soon.
He shouldn't have even suggested it.

Wave him goodbye, for good, very soon.

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