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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this a dumpable offence?! AIBU or is he?!

289 replies

Beatendownmum · 14/05/2023 00:38

Bit of background context here before the story begins -

This is my house, I pay 100% of the mortgage and bills. But he stays occasionally, sometimes a lot.

We’ve had a really lovely day with my DC (not his, he has no kids), I was really tired after a whole day out so went up to bed around 9ish. He stayed downstairs to watch Eurovision (each to their own and all that). Anyway he comes bursting into the bedroom waking me up at 11 saying the TV is messing up he NEEDS to watch the rest of it in the bedroom! He knows I don’t sleep well if TV is on in background, never have never will. Really quite insistent and panicky that he must watch the rest as he loves Eurovision and desperate pleas to watch it in the bedroom, I go and get in my DCs bottom bunk, now I’m still awake in bottom bunk while he is asleep in MY bed and I am LIVID!!! To me, this is another example of him being a bit of a selfish brat - there are other examples I mean another is only this week - he drops his car off at garage I collect him and he is absolutely fuming 1 of my kids is in the front seat - the garage is a few min drive from mine - who the bloody hell cares if you have to sit in the back of a car for few minutes?!

Anyway, I just wouldn’t do that to someone? If I was that bothered I’d watch it on my bloody phone downstairs and let my DP sleep!! I sometimes wonder if because he has never had children, he’s never had to put anybody else above himself which is why he can be a bit of a brat?! Although he was married before.

I had been on my own for a few years previous to this relationship, so I’m unsure if I’m being unreasonable or he is?!!

OP posts:
Newestname002 · 16/05/2023 09:52

@Beatendownmum

Excellent updates OP. Foolish man showed his hand much too early with you and got his just desserts. Both you and your children are well rid.

I'm sure you're too level headed to give any head space to those who've been trolling you here. Onwards and upwards. 🌹

LT1982 · 16/05/2023 13:43

JupiterFortified · 14/05/2023 01:03

YABVU to say this: “I sometimes wonder if because he has never had children, he’s never had to put anybody else above himself which is why he can be a bit of a brat?!”. You do realise childless people are just people and not necessarily more self centred than parents?

Aside from that, YANBU in the sense he sounds like a prick. Especially over the car issue.

100% agree with this. There are plenty of posts on here about selfish partners who do have kids, so being a parent or not is irrelevant to the question being asked here

T1Dmama · 17/05/2023 08:32

Beatendownmum · 16/05/2023 08:33

@Kugela he was very upset, said he had realised what he had done was selfish and ridiculous. But I’m just not here for the apology or excuses, if you’re selfish you’re selfish I can’t see him being able to change the type of person he is. Nor would I expect him too it’s just him, I’m sure he will find someone else who is happy and willing to put up with it. It’s just not going to be me.

Well done you. I couldn’t put up with it

pollymere · 17/05/2023 12:30

Wanting to watch the end of a programme you've invested time in is not a dumpable offence. I understand his actions here and whilst I'd have been grumpy, I'd have made allowances.

However, you paint him as being a selfish, free-loading waste of space most of the time so why are you with him?! His whole life is a dumpable offence in your eyes so time to show him the door.

CharlottenBerg · 17/05/2023 18:30

pollymere · 17/05/2023 12:30

Wanting to watch the end of a programme you've invested time in is not a dumpable offence. I understand his actions here and whilst I'd have been grumpy, I'd have made allowances.

However, you paint him as being a selfish, free-loading waste of space most of the time so why are you with him?! His whole life is a dumpable offence in your eyes so time to show him the door.

What is the end of a super-trivial TV programme next to the happiness of someone you say you love? He was a dick to kick off.

porridgeisbae · 17/05/2023 22:25

Wanting to watch the end of a programme you've invested time in is not a dumpable offence

Barging in on someone who's asleep, and insisting on having the telly on in their room when he knows they're going to sleep, is really annoying. He could've been considerate and watched it on his phone downstairs. He wasn't being stopped from watching the end. Ok it's not as big a screen but I like to think most people would do that rather than wake their partner and have the telly blaring at them.

Tiddlypomtiddlypom · 18/05/2023 06:53

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

What’s the matter with you? You made up some über-twaddle defending a deadbeat dad to lay into an OP. 😆

Elaina87 · 18/05/2023 12:58

He sounds like a child. I was surprised when you said he has been married before because I was expecting this guy to be about 18. Very childish behaviour... and NEEDS to watch eurovision... really? As you say each to their own 😂

porridgeisbae · 18/05/2023 13:01

Isn't a bloke being that into Eurovision a bit...flamboyant?

CharlottenBerg · 18/05/2023 13:18

porridgeisbae · 18/05/2023 13:01

Isn't a bloke being that into Eurovision a bit...flamboyant?

Screamingly so. I'd dump a man for watching 5 minutes, let alone the whole show.

Stewball01 · 28/05/2023 06:00

The best thing I've ever done us to divorce my husband.
The worse thing was to marry him when I knew I shouldn't. I stood under the canopy telling myself it's not too late. Just step out. How courageous I was. Oh well i'm 78 years old. We are friends and share the flat. L

Stewball01 · 28/05/2023 17:45

Enough is enough. Put your foot down.

blahblahblah1654 · 28/05/2023 18:40

@Beatendownmum any update since you threw him out?

MrsJellycat · 28/05/2023 19:13

It all just sounds really ridiculous and annoying and that you're incompatible;

Your child plonking themselves in the front seat
Your partner swearing and complained about it
You going to bed at 9pm on a Saturday.
Him waking you up in a flap.
You storming off to sleep in a bunk bed.

I think ending the relationship was the right thing to do.

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