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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this a dumpable offence?! AIBU or is he?!

289 replies

Beatendownmum · 14/05/2023 00:38

Bit of background context here before the story begins -

This is my house, I pay 100% of the mortgage and bills. But he stays occasionally, sometimes a lot.

We’ve had a really lovely day with my DC (not his, he has no kids), I was really tired after a whole day out so went up to bed around 9ish. He stayed downstairs to watch Eurovision (each to their own and all that). Anyway he comes bursting into the bedroom waking me up at 11 saying the TV is messing up he NEEDS to watch the rest of it in the bedroom! He knows I don’t sleep well if TV is on in background, never have never will. Really quite insistent and panicky that he must watch the rest as he loves Eurovision and desperate pleas to watch it in the bedroom, I go and get in my DCs bottom bunk, now I’m still awake in bottom bunk while he is asleep in MY bed and I am LIVID!!! To me, this is another example of him being a bit of a selfish brat - there are other examples I mean another is only this week - he drops his car off at garage I collect him and he is absolutely fuming 1 of my kids is in the front seat - the garage is a few min drive from mine - who the bloody hell cares if you have to sit in the back of a car for few minutes?!

Anyway, I just wouldn’t do that to someone? If I was that bothered I’d watch it on my bloody phone downstairs and let my DP sleep!! I sometimes wonder if because he has never had children, he’s never had to put anybody else above himself which is why he can be a bit of a brat?! Although he was married before.

I had been on my own for a few years previous to this relationship, so I’m unsure if I’m being unreasonable or he is?!!

OP posts:
Ragwort · 14/05/2023 08:39

I still don't see why you are inviting a man you have been having a relationship for 8-9 months 'ish' to sleep over in your home & spend a day out with your DC - surely it is too soon? Regardless of that anyone who spoke to me like your boyfriend spoke to you would get be ditched.

What exactly does he bring to your life? I wonder how your DC felt seeing their mum being sworn at by a man they barely know who is supposed to be in a romantic relationship with their mum.

Seriously, get rid of him and raise your bar .... high.

whiteroseredrose · 14/05/2023 08:39

Hayliebells · 14/05/2023 07:16

Yes, kicking you out of your own bed is selfish, but I think the car thing is a bigger red flag. Absolutely dump his arse!

I agree.

Fuming because a child is in the front seat is a big red flag to me. He thinks he is more important. Bad attitude.

UndercoverCop · 14/05/2023 08:41

If it was just the Eurovision thing I'd let it slide, it's a big thing to a lot of people and only once a year. You expect him to behave like a guest, but I wouldn't go to bed at 9pm when I had a guest visiting. I would if I was tired and DH was watching something important to him but not to me, but I don't expect him to behave like a guest and if the TV downstairs broke I would understand him finishing watching an event upstairs.
The car thing is different, unacceptable. In what ways did he show he was "livid"

MrsMiagi · 14/05/2023 08:41

I'm surprised you even have to ask. Get rid you can do better

DrySherry · 14/05/2023 08:42

That's pretty selfish to wake you up, sleep is so important. It is more common in people without children to be this way in my experience.

whiteroseredrose · 14/05/2023 08:43

'Who does he think he is speaking to you and your children like that.'

Exactly this which covers both scenarios.

Couldyounot · 14/05/2023 08:43

What an oaf. Bin him.

Powertoyou · 14/05/2023 08:43

What does he contribute to your relationship? Buy you shopping, cook, take you out for meals? Help will diy, gardening ? Help will children and activities? Take you and you children away for breaks or days out? Contribute to bills?
or does he just turn up at your house whenever it suits him to be looked after?

Americano75 · 14/05/2023 08:44

You and your children deserve far better. Punt him.

Cherryblossoms85 · 14/05/2023 08:44

Actually the car incident is way worse in some ways, massive red flag. Getting emotional about Eurovision coud sort of result in irrational behaviour but the car thing shows you who he is. "It's not you, it's me. Bye".

FinallyHere · 14/05/2023 08:49

him being a bit of a selfish brat

Understatement of the week

I’d watch it on my bloody phone downstairs and let my DP sleep

Why didn't you say, don't be so ridiculous, don't disturb me. Why are you treating him better than he is treating you ? Why are you treating him better than you are treating you?

QueenieMe · 14/05/2023 08:49

He sounds like he's more effort than he's worth.

jellybe · 14/05/2023 08:53

The swearing at me in front of my kid would have been a big nope from me and would have probably got ride of him then.

IHateLegDay · 14/05/2023 08:53

The Eurovision event sounds annoying but the car event sounds horrendous! Get rid

Crayfishforyou · 14/05/2023 08:54

Swearing like that in front of my child would be a deal breaker on it’s own.

SaulSobieski · 14/05/2023 08:54

Beatendownmum · 14/05/2023 01:18

@JudgeRudy to clarify he did not take my kids out, I took my kids out and he came along. 9pm is a reasonable time to go to bed when you have 3 kids who all play football matches on Sundays, from 9am onwards throughout the day at all different locations. I have also worked a very long week at my full time job and done extra hours at my part time job this week, I was exhausted by tonight!

Ignore that poster.

They post contrary posts in every thread for fk knows what reason.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 14/05/2023 08:56

He’s a thoughtless self absorbed prick. Dump him

Purplecatshopaholic · 14/05/2023 08:57

He just sounds immature and yes, selfish. Either way, what is he adding positively to your life? Probably not enough to put up with the rest, I would suggest…

ZenNudist · 14/05/2023 09:00

Yes. Dump. Red flags ahoy

theDudesmummy · 14/05/2023 09:00

He said "what the fuck, tell him to move" in front of your child???????? Get rid right now.

SaulSobieski · 14/05/2023 09:00

Anyway, yeah he's an absolute dickhead.

And a grown man watching Eurovision at all, let alone getting so into it he storms into his sleeping gf's room and essentially demands to watch the TV there, waking her up and either leaving her with the option of lying awake listening to the pizazz or moving room to sleep on a bunk when the main TV isn't working well ...... Fk me.

He's a weirdo as well.

Worldgonecrazy · 14/05/2023 09:00

whiteroseredrose · 14/05/2023 08:39

I agree.

Fuming because a child is in the front seat is a big red flag to me. He thinks he is more important. Bad attitude.

Show quote history

Absolutely this is a huge red flag. He thinks he is more important and therefore should have the front seat. There are probably a few more flags if you start noticing them. Is dump and move on. He’s not a great choice for life partner.

SaulSobieski · 14/05/2023 09:01

theDudesmummy · 14/05/2023 09:00

He said "what the fuck, tell him to move" in front of your child???????? Get rid right now.

Did he really say that?

He should've been dumped then, before it even got to the Eurovision incident

ShowUs · 14/05/2023 09:05

I’ve not voted.

He was BU to ask to watch it in the bedroom but you also could have just said no and stayed in your own bed.
It sounds like you wanted to be a bit of a martyr.

I would also be a bit miffed if someones child was allowed to sit in the front and I was squashed up in the back.
I always let me my DC sit in the front, unless there is an adult passenger and then they need to sit in the back.

You could have let your child sit in the front and then told them they need to get in the back when you get there.

I would be very annoyed that he made a scene at the time and he should have asked to sit in the front and if you said no then he should have spoken to you later away from the kids.

I think you are both to blame but I think it’s because you are simply mismatched.

NewbieSoberista · 14/05/2023 09:08

Oof he's really trying to install himself and making himself man of the house in what he hopes will become his free home.

Get rid. No thank you.