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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this a dumpable offence?! AIBU or is he?!

289 replies

Beatendownmum · 14/05/2023 00:38

Bit of background context here before the story begins -

This is my house, I pay 100% of the mortgage and bills. But he stays occasionally, sometimes a lot.

We’ve had a really lovely day with my DC (not his, he has no kids), I was really tired after a whole day out so went up to bed around 9ish. He stayed downstairs to watch Eurovision (each to their own and all that). Anyway he comes bursting into the bedroom waking me up at 11 saying the TV is messing up he NEEDS to watch the rest of it in the bedroom! He knows I don’t sleep well if TV is on in background, never have never will. Really quite insistent and panicky that he must watch the rest as he loves Eurovision and desperate pleas to watch it in the bedroom, I go and get in my DCs bottom bunk, now I’m still awake in bottom bunk while he is asleep in MY bed and I am LIVID!!! To me, this is another example of him being a bit of a selfish brat - there are other examples I mean another is only this week - he drops his car off at garage I collect him and he is absolutely fuming 1 of my kids is in the front seat - the garage is a few min drive from mine - who the bloody hell cares if you have to sit in the back of a car for few minutes?!

Anyway, I just wouldn’t do that to someone? If I was that bothered I’d watch it on my bloody phone downstairs and let my DP sleep!! I sometimes wonder if because he has never had children, he’s never had to put anybody else above himself which is why he can be a bit of a brat?! Although he was married before.

I had been on my own for a few years previous to this relationship, so I’m unsure if I’m being unreasonable or he is?!!

OP posts:
porridgeisbae · 14/05/2023 03:03

Not ok to disrupt your sleep/rest in that way, or to get stroppy about being in the back for a few mins. Bin.

EliflurtleTripanInfinite · 14/05/2023 03:19

YANBU to dump him over his behaviour, but that really doesn't matter, because even if the reason was nothing 0m

Dedodee · 14/05/2023 03:27

Yabu to have a tv in the bedroom imo.

EliflurtleTripanInfinite · 14/05/2023 03:27

EliflurtleTripanInfinite · 14/05/2023 03:19

YANBU to dump him over his behaviour, but that really doesn't matter, because even if the reason was nothing 0m

Posted accidentally. You don't have children together, you haven't merged your lives, this isn't a long term relationship where you've started to take each other for granted and could get back on track, this isn't working for you on a basic level. If you are done you don't need to justify it, just end things.

Clementinesucks · 14/05/2023 03:37

Why on earth didn’t you stand your ground ? Grow a backbone and dump this idiot.

FabFitFifties · 14/05/2023 04:19

Eurovision is a HUGE thing for lots of people - he's panicked. Not dumpable behaviour for me. The car episode is different - this is the red flag. However, I think you just don't like him - if you did the Eurovision episode would be no big deal and you would have some empathy for his situation. It seems he is happy to spend his day helping you to entertain your children, but you are not happy to accomodate him at all. Kinder to let him go.

theGooHasGone · 14/05/2023 04:21

Question is whether he apologises in the morning when you say "what the hell was that last night?"

He sounds like a tool though honestly.

echt · 14/05/2023 04:26

But he stays occasionally, sometimes a lot

Which one is it?

Nothing you've said about him makes him less than binnable before this particular incident. In fact you've said nothing positive about him at all.

Kick him to the kerb.

Beaverbridge · 14/05/2023 04:31

Get rid. He sounds like a stroppy teenager.

Ragwort · 14/05/2023 04:39

If you've only been seeing him for '8-9 months ish' surely that's very soon to be spending a day together with your DC and staying overnight.... were the DC at home? He does sound very rude and entitled but equally inviting him to spend the day with your DC and then stay overnight when you have a busy Sunday to get ready for may not have been (in hindsight) the best decision.

But yes, get rid of him & keep your love life and DC separate.

Quweenie · 14/05/2023 04:40

He watches Eurovision?

ick.

amkm21 · 14/05/2023 04:45

Aside from everything related to these two incidents I would consider if you now have "the ick" and if it is worth continuing this relationship at all, even if he apologises for a)putting himself above your child in the car when you were disrupting your own routine to help him out, and b) trying to sleep after a long hard day/week in anticipation of another long hard day/week ahead, which he interrupted for a TV programme he could have watched on his phone.

Shhhquirrel · 14/05/2023 04:46

TomatoSandwiches · 14/05/2023 00:49

Jesus christ I would have thrown everything in my bedroom at him if he woke me up for a fucking singing contest show.
Get rid of him, he's selfish and rude, pretty sure his attitude helped his divorce along, she was smart to not have kids with him, have a think about that.

This

Mummyoflittledragon · 14/05/2023 05:41

FabFitFifties · 14/05/2023 04:19

Eurovision is a HUGE thing for lots of people - he's panicked. Not dumpable behaviour for me. The car episode is different - this is the red flag. However, I think you just don't like him - if you did the Eurovision episode would be no big deal and you would have some empathy for his situation. It seems he is happy to spend his day helping you to entertain your children, but you are not happy to accomodate him at all. Kinder to let him go.

It sounds as if op does nothing but accommodate him. I’d be fuming if I was awoken for Eurovision. He could have jumped in his car and gone home - he’d have had 2 front seats there all to himself for the journey - or watched it on playback tomorrow. Instead he’s put his wants above op’s need to sleep. This is supposed to be the honeymoon phase and he’s allegedly on his best behaviour. Goodness knows what he’ll be like in a year or two!

Kitkatcatflap · 14/05/2023 05:48

Biggest killer of relationships is resentment ......

ChairFloorWall · 14/05/2023 06:34

Meh, sounds like a bit of an overreaction tbh. Unless he was doing it every single time he stayed, I’m not sure what the issue is. Just speak to him about boundaries when he stays over 🤷‍♀️ if you desperately needed sleep, then maybe don’t have him stay over?

diddl · 14/05/2023 07:01

Whether or not it's a "dumpable offence" doesn't matter.

If you've had enough that's reason enough.

MrsSkylerWhite · 14/05/2023 07:02

He is BU for being desperate to watch Eurovision 😁

orangegato · 14/05/2023 07:06

The front seat worse than the waking up. Weird, entitled, hard no from me. He’s saying he’s more important than your child. Eww.

ShimmeringShirts · 14/05/2023 07:07

I think when you’ve reached the point of calling your partner a brat and comparing them to a child it’s definitely time to end the relationship.

SkyandSurf · 14/05/2023 07:11

The sulking over the front seat would have done it for me. You were doing him a favour to begin with.

Waking you up for a show is ridiculous. He should have watched on his phone or driven himself home if he was that desperate.

He does sound selfish. It doesn't matter what made him selfish. Throw him back

Equalitea · 14/05/2023 07:15

I can understand that he’d want to watch the end of a programme he loves but why didn’t he go home? Is there a reason he couldn’t watch it on his phone?

I can also understand why he wouldn’t want to get in the back of the car, eg if he’s tall and there’s not much room, if it’s a mess from the kids, also if you knew he was getting in then why didn’t DC go in the back? Did he have to sit next to a DC? Is DC safe/tall/old enough to go in the front? Maybe I’m wrong but I do always prioritise adults in the front seat, I will also often give up my front seat (even if DH is driving my car) and give it to an older/taller/bigger person than I am if we’ve offered the lift etc.

Maybe it’s a generational thing but I always saw the same growing up and thought it was about respect/offering guest the most comfortable position, I’d say that in our circle we all do similar and my children all do too.

Hayliebells · 14/05/2023 07:16

Yes, kicking you out of your own bed is selfish, but I think the car thing is a bigger red flag. Absolutely dump his arse!

Catsmere · 14/05/2023 07:20

Gee, what a surprise this prince among men is divorced!

Dump him, OP.

CabbagePatchDole · 14/05/2023 07:24

When I started reading your post my first thought was why didn't he watch on his phone and I thought you were going to say that he didn't have a phone or something, but then you mentioned that he could have watched on his phone.

He is a selfish bastard and yes it's a dumpable offence. \what a twat. The fact that he was that into Eurovision would have given me the ick anyway.

Is this a genuine post? If so LTB.