To be upset about my sister being given a house by my parents

[mammamia77]

My parents own two houses (one they live in and the other they rent out). The mortgage on the house they rent out is coming to an end and my parents have been deciding if they want to keep their current tenants or sell up. That was until today when my dad mentioned 'gifting' the house to my sister (aged 20) as another option. Obviously I know that the house belongs to my parents and they are free to do whatever they want with it, but I couldn't help feeling upset about this.

I'm 27 and bought my property aged 25 through hard work and years of saving, so I feel that it is unfair that I had to work so hard to buy my house and my sister just gets gifted with one. My sister could sense I was a bit annoyed over the situation and said something along the lines of 'I don't know what your problem is, you already have your own house'

So, AIBU unreasonable for feeling a bit pissed off that my sister may be given a house basically for free when I had to work so hard for mine?

*Is it possible that your parents view you as an exceptional person who has little need of their help whereas your sister does? Perhaps they reason that letting you stay at home for 4-5 years to save enough for a property was help PROPORTIONATE to your needs?

I say that in earnest - anyone who can afford a house at the age of 25 4 years post QT in this financial climate, I think, must have their their head screwed on bloody well.*

^
thats simply cheaply disguised favouritism in favour of the sister. it doesn't matter how capable, head screwed on and achieving OP is. Circumstances change, and in the 30 years of paying back a mortgage A LOT can change.

if the the penalty for having her head screwed on means missing out on a 200k asset that will grow in value, then thats clearly the wrong path.

It's depressing how many people try to defend the cruelty of OPs parents!

bold fail 🤦‍♀️ was quoting a PP

thats simply cheaply disguised favouritism in favour of the sister. it doesn't matter how capable, head screwed on and achieving OP is. Circumstances change, and in the 30 years of paying back a mortgage A LOT can change.

if the the penalty for having her head screwed on means missing out on a 200k asset that will grow in value, then thats clearly the wrong path.

It's depressing how many people try to defend the cruelty of OPs parents!

I'm not trying to defend the cruelty of the parents. I don't agree with their decision but was looking for a possible explanation for their misguided behaviour that doesn't immediately paint them as complete cunts. I presume OP would also like to consider the possibility that her parents are just misguided and short-sighted rather than out-and-out pigs?

I agree that their recent decision might cause OP to think she's taken the wrong path and should have waited it out at home for her inheritance. I think most people can relate to the feeling of "why the feck did I bother?" about something or another.

You are getting a hard time on here op.

I hear what you are saying. Any fair parent would not gift one child a fully paid for house and give another very little in comparison. A fair parent would give as equally as possible to each of their children.

It is also easy to see how you managed to save your house deposit over a 4 year period, especially when living at home rent free.

This post is wild. I bought my first home in 2013 at the grand old age of 21 as a 4th year apprentice (and single mother!). It was a 3 bedroom flat and the mortgage was £310 a month. Lived in it for a year while I did it up and sold it to some unsuspecting Londoner who thought they were getting a bargain for 50% more than I paid 😂. It's not exactly unheard of if you live up north and most of the apprentices I worked with were getting on the property ladder too.

That aside, I think it's absolutely unfair and I'd be feeling exactly the same as you if my parents gifted my brother a house just because I already had one. Really not on and I'd find it hard not to make my feelings clear.

Can't believe some of the posters on here!
You are being very hard done by OP!

Just came to say my parents bought my sibling a house and i have a mortgage. My sibling was skint after a divorce and didn’t (still doesn’t) earn enough to get a mortgage. I am better off but through hard work . I feel pretty annoyed but say nothing as it won’t change anything. I just know I won’t treat my kids this way.

Not especially. My son bombed out of uni, lazed about till 22, and still was able to buy a nice house at 26. He joined the armed forces at 22, lived on base for very little and saved like crazy. Bought his house four years later. We gave him £8K and there was a help to buy scheme, but mostly it was his hard work and saving (also, he lives in a cheap part of the country!)

OP, I think your parents have been hideously unfair. I can't imagine giving one of my (5!) DC a gift worth £Khundreds and the others nothing, regardless of how well they've done.

You're right to be pissed off and I'd advise you to make your feelings known. I've been through similar, I was gifted money as was my brother, mine went towards building my house (it wasn't near enough to finish a house, average size,nothing grand), brothers went to finishing his mortgage, all good at that stage but then he decided he wanted to move, told our parents where he was wasn't good for his dc so our parents told him they'd give him the money to move, this cost €750,000 and he moved all of ten minutes from his original house which he rented out, dc stayed in same school, same clubs, same friends, absolutely no difference in their life other than a bigger house. This is over a decade ago, parents hardly see him, he's no good when they're ill or need help, my younger ds and I take care of them but in the back of my mind is a feeling of injustice that won't go away. Db was always treated differently, with kid gloves almost since childhood, he can carry a grudge for the smallest of things and make those around him miserable and I think this is why my dp's treated him that way, it was easier than him sulking. Don't stay quiet, don't be stuck working and paying a mortgage while your ds has it easy, let your parents know its unfair.

Hideously unfair. Taking the house of the question, clearly anyone would be pissed off (not withstanding exceptional circs such as significant disability) if parents have one sibling £200k and the other £0k. It sounds like they have both had the chance to live rent free so that needs to be taken out of the equation.

This happened to me. My sister was always better off than me, never had to struggle whereas I couldn't afford to eat sometimes. Yet she got a large chunk of money to buy a bigger house and I got nothing. No discussion. Just got 'oh well, it's done now'. And it bloody hurt. And made me very angry and bitter for years. But that was only affecting me. Not them. So I had to learn to let it go. Sort of. As others have said, their money, their choice. But you need to let them know how you feel, if only to get it off your chest.

Happened in our family: husband & I worked selves into ground while raising 3 children, forgoing all luxuries like holidays & dining out to foot the decades-long mortgage bills. Parents, both from hard-up families so v careful at saving and 'desperate for equality' as my father put it more than once, put aside enough to 'help' us with housing. One sister & I got a modest deposit; other sister + brother got bought a home each and both homes since tripled in value. Always promising 'it will be equalled out', parents put contingency funds in reserve to compensate but they were largely swallowed up in care costs when the housed siblings decided not to fund live-in care when parents got v old; father, with Parkinsons, fell when part-time carers not there and died in hospital; mother, by then with dementia, had to go into care home. Bro & sister with inherited homes, who paid nothing towards care home, then rent them out, magnifying their profits incrementally for life - thanks to other sister's & my sacrifices & investments. Yes, it does affect relationships profoundly. And yes, it should at all costs be avoided.

i don’t think you’re being unreasonable. My DHs parents are always scrupulously fair about giving the same to both children even though one is much better off. I couldn’t understand at the start but I do now. It’s the fair way to do it (unless there’s a circumstance which means one child isn’t able to work and save, or look after themselves).

Maybe they’re going to leave you the house they’re living in

I’m sure legally that your sister would owe a hefty amount to HMRC if she was “gifted” a house by your parents - a percentage of todays value of the house. There’s a max amount of worth you’re allowed to be gifted tax-free per year - I think it’s £10k (might be more now). Otherwise parents would gift houses to their children before death frequently, so the government guards against this.

Hate to tell you Op but you've made the Daily Mail.

@mammamia77 anyone banging on about how you managed to save and buy a house so are just being moronically augmentative and probably a tad bitter, good for you.

Of course it is completely unfathomable that your parents are suggesting giving your sister a house and not you. Why on earth would anyone think this is acceptable, to give one child a colossal life advantage like this and not the other.

They should sell the house and split the proceeds equally between you. Your sister can still buy a property or get small mortgage. You can pay some of yours off. They can give her a few extra G’s for furniture etc like you had.

If my parents did this to me that would end our relationship, yes it’s their money to do as they choose but why would they choose to do something so obviously unfair and hurtful to one child.

And your sister sounds like a grabby brat too, I’m sure she wouldn’t feel the situation was so acceptable if it was the other way around.

😂 have you got a link?

Op, I absolutely understand this as my parents presented exactly the same scenario to me about 13 years ago. Out of the house they informed.me they'd will their house to my DSis as she 'wasnt as well off as me'. I'm not on a huge salary before anyone asks, I left home at 18, went to Uni in grant maintenance days, got a degree and have worked very hard all my life (something my family acknowledge). DSis lived at home until she was 32, never paid rent, saved huge amounts and put down a vast deposit. She's had a very small mortgage as a result. Overall, her household income has been less and more than ours. But her home is much smaller, she's had other treats I haven't.
They were shocked by my reaction and didn't understand why I'd be upset. They felt they were 'evening out' our circumstances. To this day, I don't know what's in their Will now. My DSis to her credit didn't know and was shocked when she found out. She made her life choices, I made mine.
I have two children. I'd split any funds 50/50. Unless,.one was significantly wealthier than the other. And then I'd sit down with them and communicate, like I'd hope someone would talk to me.

I think I would've immediately begun some very immature ranting at my sibling if they'd asked what my problem was about that. Well done for your restrained and mature approach op.

Next time it comes up loudly say to both your sibling and your parents 'I'm not bothered, it just means dsis will be looking after you when you are old and infirm to repay your generosity and I'm off the hook as I managed to buy my place all on my own'

I think you need to explain how it makes you feel. If they don't know they may be naive enough to think you actually don't mind.

Your parents will have to pay capital gains tax on the gift of a property that is not their main residence. This will be based on the increase in value since they bought it, and potentially increases the overall value of the gift to your sister as they will have to pay it.

FWIW I think it is incredibly unfair to you

OP we are at the moment selling a house to my youngest son for £50k undervalue and we got a low valuation from EA too as we took out old kitchen and took up old laminate for valuation for mortgage company and house having new laminate and kitchen before he buys it so he's probably getting closer to £65k in value. I've told my older two children who already have a house that you get will be inheriting less when we die. We have other properties in a Ltd company they can inherit from. Our reasons for doing this is our youngest has saved hard to save up £10k on his own in a LISA. Other DC got a £10k deposit help when they bought their homes. I spoke to older DC before I made you get the offer. He is single and house prices have risen so buying at full price would mean he could not buy his own home. My other children said they are ok with it. Do you think your parents would even it up in their will? You could ask if they are just letting your sister live there whilst she saves a deposit or gifting it to her outright as you still presumably have a mortgage. It always causes issues when parents treat DC differently and don't keep things fair.

Their money their choice. But the choice is a bad choice for the family(even though they may plan to leave their main resident to op).

Best choice is to continue the current situation and have extra stable rental income. Parents can use the extra money to treat themselves, or help the daughters out. If they want to, they may even save the rental money and put aside as the deposit for younger daughter.

Worst choice is to gift the property to one, resulting in broken relationships. Not worth it.

YANBU, I’d be raging.