To be upset about my sister being given a house by my parents

[mammamia77]

My parents own two houses (one they live in and the other they rent out). The mortgage on the house they rent out is coming to an end and my parents have been deciding if they want to keep their current tenants or sell up. That was until today when my dad mentioned 'gifting' the house to my sister (aged 20) as another option. Obviously I know that the house belongs to my parents and they are free to do whatever they want with it, but I couldn't help feeling upset about this.

I'm 27 and bought my property aged 25 through hard work and years of saving, so I feel that it is unfair that I had to work so hard to buy my house and my sister just gets gifted with one. My sister could sense I was a bit annoyed over the situation and said something along the lines of 'I don't know what your problem is, you already have your own house'

So, AIBU unreasonable for feeling a bit pissed off that my sister may be given a house basically for free when I had to work so hard for mine?

Not sure why you are being given a hard time op, just because you were diligently saving a big chunk of your salary!

I too bought a house in early 20's although a long, long time ago, everyone assumed l had been gifted money but l never received a penny..l worked 80 hours a week in a tiny business l started, and spent not a penny except for running a very cheap old car...all my friends had cars on finance, holidays, nights out and new clothes.
In the north of Uk it is still very possible to buy a modest home, if you live at home rent free, and it is IMO very unfair that as your sister has the same opportunity as you to save whilst living rent free, she should be given a house.....
I would be very hurt in your shoes...
As a parent l would split the house proceeds evenly for both of you, or get your sister to take out a mortgage for exactly half the value of the house to pass to you.
That way she gets a home and you get a fair half.

I would talk calmly to your parents and say how you feel or it will sit between you.
Good luck.

Exactly! It's really annoying how some PP's are making out that I'm lying about buying a house at 25 while being a teacher. Despite all the strikes going on, a teacher's salary is actually above average and I was living at home not paying a penny! Not sure why that's so hard to understand.

Thanks for the advice.

It's not hard to save 5/6 k a year on a teachers salary when living with parents rent free if ypu are sensible. And we don't all live in areas that are ££££ to buy

It's really unfair op, I'd be really upset in thos situation

I work in this field, you just add a load of unnecessary headache. The state funds the care packages and they will be entitled to benefits because of low assets. All what will happen is your DC will have to pay for the care out of their own funds. It's basically wasting money.

It sounds to me like they are trying to give her the opportunity to move out (considering she has been complaining about it - I half expect they want to start their lives on their own now too) and see this as the way to do it.

What is she generally like with money? I found with me and my sibling as I was the eldest I was more resourceful whereas my younger sibling was not and needed more 'help'.

It could be a case that you are a victim of your own competence as your parents probably think you are 'ok'.

I also expect your parents haven't considered the unfairness element to you.

Just speak to them about how you feel.

Some of the comments on here are nuts. I think this is one of those situations you can only understand if it's happened to you. It's awful. Total favouritism and short sighted thinking by the ops parents. It's unfair that the op is penalised for having her shit together and getting a house. Yes you can buy a house in the North on that salary. OP if you do decide to talk to your parents good luck

I think you're being hard done by with what your parents are planning to do buying gifting your sister a mortgage free house.

You both lived rent free at your parents house (she still does and doesn't pay any bills) So its not like there is a discrepancy there.

So they helped you out with some furniture and appliances that still isn't the same as gifting a mortgage free home.

I too would be pissed off. End of the day she will never have to worry if she lost her job and how she would pay a mortgage or face the stress of losing a home.

She can potentially if she was savvy, save hard and even retire early because she hasn't had a large chunk of her salary going towards paying the house.

Good luck trying to talk to your parents

I appreciate that, but my priority is that he have a safe and secure home for his whole life.

He will have enough to pay for care.

Sell the rental and split equity 50/50 that will be fair and help your sister as they want to with a deposit. Alternatively joint tenants to you both but with proviso your sister pays nominal rent £1 and it is sold in x say 5, years time and equity split.

It's terribly unfair. I would explain to your DPs that you may have a house but you are still paying for it and will be paying for it for decades to come. That paying a mortgage each month puts obvious limitations on you financially. That your sister would have no such limitations on her finances were they to gift her the house, and that they might also like to consider what a 20 year old would do with the money saved on accommodation (you imply she has not been saving whilst living at home). Are your parents happy to give up a large asset so that your sister can spent money on luxuries whilst you live frugally in order to pay your mortgage?.

You need to discuss it, but also bear in mind that it isn't yet a done deal and you don't know the full extent of what your parents have in mind.

This has to be the fair option. Only it's more work for the parents I guess....

Anything else. Isn't fair at all

Over a decade ago now. But I bought my first house on a £25k salary at 26. But it was a small first time buyer property in. Cheaper area of the country.

If your sons needs change at all and his accommodation isn't suitable for him or staff. They will just sell it and use the funds to pay for care and the rent on a new property which you never gave the money would already happen..

It really is a waste to give your son extra money when it likely won't be used for what you intend.

Of course it’s easy to buy a house if you live at home with your parents enabling you to save loads of money. 🤦🏼‍♀️

@Nanananananana99

Yes. I've literally said that in the post you've quoted and several of my other posts, so what exactly is the point of your comment?

The purpose of this post was to gain insight into whether I was being unreasonable for being pissed off with my parents. That's it. It was not an open invitation for posters to delve into my finances demanding to know how much I saved each month and how I possibly managed to buy a house at 25 on my salary, nor was the purpose of my post to receive bitchy comments about how my parents allowed me to live at home rent free. Bloody hate Mumsnet sometimes!

@mammamia77 @Nanananananana99 So, the fairest thing would be for the parents to calculate how much rent and share of bills the OP has saved in the 4 years and give that amount to OP's sister, not an entire house free of cost. Why should OP have a mortgage around her neck for decades while sister is handed it to her on a plate especially as the sister is also now living at home rent free? In what universe is it fair?

I would be VERY pissed off OP. Grossly unfair.

I can’t believe some people are defending your parents.

If this is the full story then it’s awful treatment.

Letting your daughter live at home rent free so she can save for her own house DOES NOT EQUATE to a whole house, it just doesn’t. Mum an dad should of sold the house and split the money equally, or if your sister wanted to live there she should of took out a mortgage and gave the OP her share of the house.

OP has a lifetime of financial stress ahead of her as most of us do, paying a mortgage etc whereas her sister who hasn’t saved a penny gets to live mortgage free for life. I’d be looking to mum an dad for an explanation.

It is not fair and I don't blame you for being pissed off.

If I was your parents I would either give it to both, or sell the house and split the proceeds. I wouldn't be able to treat my offspring so unequally.

Without going into too much detail, it's not a physical or learning need. He won't need full time care (unless there an accident or some such, same as anyone) but will need PA support to manage his affairs. I don't see how they could sell his house unless he needs to move to supported living full time, which I don't envisage will be the case?

Apols to OP for derailing.

Op

this is not fair at all!

if the house is worth 200k I’d ask if they would sell it to her for 100k and give that to you making it fairer

otherwise this would grate on me

Is it possible that your parents view you as an exceptional person who has little need of their help whereas your sister does? Perhaps they reason that letting you stay at home for 4-5 years to save enough for a property was help PROPORTIONATE to your needs?

I say that in earnest - anyone who can afford a house at the age of 25 4 years post QT in this financial climate, I think, must have their their head screwed on bloody well.

I'm saying you can't predict what happens but is it really worth the extra family strife of giving the extra money when it's likely the state will pay and your money will go down the drain? Unless he's not been assessed as unfit for work and doesn't get pip?

He does get pip and LCWRA