AIBU?
Paying for our own food - dinner party
ColdBrewInSummer · 12/05/2023 18:19
we were invited to a friends house for dinner. Took a bottle of good wine with us, we wouldn’t ever go empty handed.
had a good meal, but they sent us a message after asking for money for each person! I thought this was crazy and I would never ask anyone to pay for their food if I invited them over!
AIBU to be a bit annoyed? We’ve already arranged to have them to ours in a few weeks time and I’m not asking them
for anything!
Am I being unreasonable?
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Tinkerbyebye · 12/05/2023 19:39
Well they are not great friends changing you
i would text back saying ha ha very funny. Then if they come back I would point out it’s rude to charge people you invited for a meal, and after the fact as well so no chance to decline any invite. However if their stance is now to charge then you will charge the same for the meal they are coming to so you are quits
willstarttomorrow · 12/05/2023 19:41
@RedRosette2023 I feel your pain. We have not been trusted with a toaster for several years in case the fire alarm is set off. We are all professionals with a very specific skill set that the government has not yet found a way of privatising which requires a huge amount of responsibility and autonomy. But making toast. .....
mouse70 · 12/05/2023 19:49
Many years ago I and a friend wanted to arrange a reunion lunch with about 15 people who we had lived with in a residential home 15 years previously and had lost contact with. We asked them to pay a certain amount per person up front to purchase food and drink. Partners and family to be included. My friend and I did all the buying ,cooking and prep. No one declined No one objected having to pay. They knew beforehand. We would not have been able to afford the food and drink for 30 adults and many children. It was a great success. Very different to invite for a meal and ask for payment afterwards!!!
Riverlee · 12/05/2023 19:54
mouse70 · 12/05/2023 19:49
Many years ago I and a friend wanted to arrange a reunion lunch with about 15 people who we had lived with in a residential home 15 years previously and had lost contact with. We asked them to pay a certain amount per person up front to purchase food and drink. Partners and family to be included. My friend and I did all the buying ,cooking and prep. No one declined No one objected having to pay. They knew beforehand. We would not have been able to afford the food and drink for 30 adults and many children. It was a great success. Very different to invite for a meal and ask for payment afterwards!!!
I think it’s a bit different when people know beforehand. Also, with so many people, you wouldn’t necessarily expect one person to pay for everything.
ColdBrewInSummer · 12/05/2023 19:57
okay so - we’ve already paid. It was too awkward not too. I hate confrontation and I transferred the money over to keep the peace. we have a lot of mutual friends so I didn’t want to cause any upset or weirdness.
first time going to theirs just on our own. So was just the 4 of us.
(I’m also trying not to be too outing now someone said the last thread like this ended up in the press!)
the text message read along the lines of -
’thanks for coming last night, the steak + veggies came to £20 each’
the wine we took wasn’t cheap but wasn’t mega expensive. I made a point to get it as I knew my friends liked wine from that region!
I will add that obviously moving is expensive. They are also starting a business and struggling with that a little. I don’t know or wish to know the ins and outs of their financials but they seem to be reasonably ‘well off’. Perhaps they are just feeling the pinch a little now and needed to ask for the cash back?
as I said, they’ve been lovely friends up until now, super easy. I’m annoyed but I’m also feeling like I don’t want to be too harsh?
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