Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Paying for our own food - dinner party

438 replies

ColdBrewInSummer · 12/05/2023 18:19

we were invited to a friends house for dinner. Took a bottle of good wine with us, we wouldn’t ever go empty handed.

had a good meal, but they sent us a message after asking for money for each person! I thought this was crazy and I would never ask anyone to pay for their food if I invited them over!

AIBU to be a bit annoyed? We’ve already arranged to have them to ours in a few weeks time and I’m not asking them
for anything!

OP posts:
SeanMean · 12/05/2023 18:20

That’s awful behaviour!!!

What is wrong with some people?!

SeanMean · 12/05/2023 18:20

Sorry, YANBU!

searchingforstyle · 12/05/2023 18:21

Outrageous behaviour and incredibly rude

TheChosenTwo · 12/05/2023 18:21

I just don’t believe people actually do this 😱

Dwightlovesmichael · 12/05/2023 18:21

That’s incredibly rude.

If they couldn’t afford to host then they should have asked everyone over and to bring a plate of food.

Or say come over and we will get a takeaway but would everyone mind paying for their own share.

But to ask for money afterward is just crazy.

Hadalifeonce · 12/05/2023 18:21

I would just send 🤣

gamerchick · 12/05/2023 18:23

Send them a message back saying absolutely not. If you want to charge then you should say costs upfront so you can make an informed choice.

Don't do the polite thing and pay up. This is how the fuckers get away with it.

Camillasfagwrinkles · 12/05/2023 18:23

That's unbelievably rude. I would be absolutely mortified to know someone that tight.

Badbudgeter · 12/05/2023 18:24

We used to do this as students but not nowadays. Couldn’t you just text them back saying we are hosting on x. Cost will be the same shall we just call it even?

Original poster
ColdBrewInSummer · 12/05/2023 18:24

Dwightlovesmichael · 12/05/2023 18:21

That’s incredibly rude.

If they couldn’t afford to host then they should have asked everyone over and to bring a plate of food.

Or say come over and we will get a takeaway but would everyone mind paying for their own share.

But to ask for money afterward is just crazy.

My thoughts precisely!
they’d got nice steaks from the butcher etc which I can imagine was expensive. But still - I was pretty miffed!

I wouldn’t dream of ever doing that. I’ve had friends over in the past when I was a student and broke and I would just do a big stew and tell everyone to bring a bottle! But it wouldn’t cross my mind to text someone after!!

OP posts:
Wishimaywishimight · 12/05/2023 18:25

I'd text back "As you are coming to ours on X date shall we just call it quits?" After that I wouldn't go to dinner at theirs again.

PyjamaFan · 12/05/2023 18:25

I would pay but then cancel the invitation.

Floralnomad · 12/05/2023 18:26

Just message back and say the wine cost x so I will take that off and don’t bother coming to ours as you are not the type of people we wish to be friends with .

bleueygreeny · 12/05/2023 18:28

I'd be tempted to reply something cheeky, but for the sake of keeping things cordial and preserving your friendship (if you want to), maybe reply something along those lines?:

"Thanks for having us over for dinner, we had a great time! We brought the wine as a gift, but we didn't realise it was BYOF (bring your own food) event and weren't expecting to have to pay towards our food. How about you come for dinner to mine on the x, instead?"

Did they invite you or did you kind of invite yourself without meaning to? If that's the case and it has happened multiple times in the past, maybe they're hinting towards something

EasterBreak · 12/05/2023 18:28

I would laugh and assume they are joking.

TidyDancer · 12/05/2023 18:28

Wishimaywishimight · 12/05/2023 18:25

I'd text back "As you are coming to ours on X date shall we just call it quits?" After that I wouldn't go to dinner at theirs again.

I would do this.

They are grade A CF's.

woodhill · 12/05/2023 18:29

Disgusting behaviour

EasterBreak · 12/05/2023 18:29

How much have they asked for?

bleueygreeny · 12/05/2023 18:29

But if it were me tbh I wouldn't want to have anything to do with them anymore. I'd either pay up and ask them to deduct the price of the wine bottle or I wouldn't pay at all.

BellaJuno · 12/05/2023 18:30

Wishimaywishimight · 12/05/2023 18:25

I'd text back "As you are coming to ours on X date shall we just call it quits?" After that I wouldn't go to dinner at theirs again.

Exactly what I’d do!

AssertiveGertrude · 12/05/2023 18:30

This is seriously so rude
I wouldn’t respond

Fandabedodgy · 12/05/2023 18:31

Heard it all now 😳😳😳

minipie · 12/05/2023 18:31

WTAF

I have never heard of anyone doing this. Unbelievable.

Original poster
ColdBrewInSummer · 12/05/2023 18:32

We were very much invited! They’d just moved so wanted to host at their new apartment.

Asked for just over £20 each. I’m assuming that was all the food they cooked divided by all of us.

we really enjoy their company, they’re great friends. It’s just this I can’t get over…

OP posts:
catgirl1976 · 12/05/2023 18:33

How was it worded? I’m just …wow

thats just not a thing