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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Paying for our own food - dinner party

438 replies

ColdBrewInSummer · 12/05/2023 18:19

we were invited to a friends house for dinner. Took a bottle of good wine with us, we wouldn’t ever go empty handed.

had a good meal, but they sent us a message after asking for money for each person! I thought this was crazy and I would never ask anyone to pay for their food if I invited them over!

AIBU to be a bit annoyed? We’ve already arranged to have them to ours in a few weeks time and I’m not asking them
for anything!

OP posts:
Original poster
ColdBrewInSummer · 12/05/2023 18:33

I thought maybe it was us taking the piss only taking one bottle of wine at first and maybe they were annoyed. But we’d already arranged for them to come to us! So it’s not like we weren’t going to return the favour.

OP posts:
Whatevs99 · 12/05/2023 18:34

I think I’d reply with “please tell me you’re having a laugh. Tell you what, I won’t send you the bill after dinner at ours and then we’ll be quits”

PollyPeptide · 12/05/2023 18:35

😲

towriteyoumustlive · 12/05/2023 18:35

If money is tight then fair enough plan it and ask up front for a contribution, but asking afterwards is rude and seriously weird!

If they're coming to yours then I'd spend the entire meal giving a running commentary on the expensive food, the £200 bottle of wine they're drinking etc... they'll spend the entire meal sweating about their share! 🤭

Dungaree · 12/05/2023 18:36

I would cancel their invite to my house and ignore the request for money.

organisedbrood · 12/05/2023 18:37

Oh my goodness, that's awful!! So rude.

UsingChangeofName · 12/05/2023 18:41

Whatevs99 · 12/05/2023 18:34

I think I’d reply with “please tell me you’re having a laugh. Tell you what, I won’t send you the bill after dinner at ours and then we’ll be quits”

This.
It keeps the tone fairly light, but makes it clear what they have done is just not a done thing, and is clearly wrong.

PollyPeptide · 12/05/2023 18:42

Tell them the bottle of wine you took was £45.05. So they actually owe you 5 quid. You'll let them off the 5p as they're such good friends.
CFers.

PrincessHoneysuckle · 12/05/2023 18:42

What the actual fuck

WavingThroughYoWindow · 12/05/2023 18:42

100% voted YANBU🤣

OnlyFannys · 12/05/2023 18:44

It's the fact they sprung this on you afterwards so you didnt even have the option to decline, how cheeky and rude!
I had a friend who was studying a masters in my town so asked if he could stay with me in blocks of 2 weeks when he needed to attend lectures, I was happy to say yes and he did this intermittently for 2 weeks (no money every requested for room or board obviously) and bot long after it finished he invited me and my partner to a dinner party at his and said he was asking everyone to chip in for the food. He is extremely well off as well but I was flabbergasted that he had the cheek to ask me after all of the free hospitality I showed him. I declined his invitation and very much reduced our friendship from that point on.

EasterBreak · 12/05/2023 18:45

Have you responded or sent any money?

OnlyFannys · 12/05/2023 18:45

OnlyFannys · 12/05/2023 18:44

It's the fact they sprung this on you afterwards so you didnt even have the option to decline, how cheeky and rude!
I had a friend who was studying a masters in my town so asked if he could stay with me in blocks of 2 weeks when he needed to attend lectures, I was happy to say yes and he did this intermittently for 2 weeks (no money every requested for room or board obviously) and bot long after it finished he invited me and my partner to a dinner party at his and said he was asking everyone to chip in for the food. He is extremely well off as well but I was flabbergasted that he had the cheek to ask me after all of the free hospitality I showed him. I declined his invitation and very much reduced our friendship from that point on.

He did it for 2 years not 2 weeks sorry

gloriousmulch · 12/05/2023 18:46

Well they're great friends, so you presumably you can be frank with them. My first reply would be 'Seriously??'

RedRosette2023 · 12/05/2023 18:47

Wtf! They should have had a fuddle. Are you supposed to pay AND host next week at your own expense?

hattie43 · 12/05/2023 18:48

I'm incredulous someone would think that's acceptable.

RaininSummer · 12/05/2023 18:48

That is extremely unusual and quite astounding. If you pay for remember to either cancel your return invitation or send the bill.

ZoraMipha · 12/05/2023 18:48

The host should always pay unless it's made clear in advance. Incredibly rude to lump your guests with an unexpected bill.

Hotfootgoose · 12/05/2023 18:49

Go back and say it’s ok, I’m cooking for you in a couple of weeks so we will call that evens . Then drop these people as soon as you can.

PollyPeptide · 12/05/2023 18:49

WavingThroughYoWindow · 12/05/2023 18:42

100% voted YANBU🤣

176 people and it's 100%. I don't think I've ever seen that before. 🤔 😄

2bazookas · 12/05/2023 18:49

Ignore the request, cancel the invitation to dinner at yours, offer no explanations or excuses

Blondey2023 · 12/05/2023 18:49

Wow I've known some tight people before but this is unreal!

Reminds me of the time we were invited to a rehearsal dinner at the bride and grooms house the night before their wedding. On entering the house the MIL stood holding out a pot for guests to pay for their food!! We were dumbfounded!

ThatFraggle · 12/05/2023 18:51

Where do these people come from? Honest to god, the audacity!

Stressedannni · 12/05/2023 18:51

Not surprised! But yavbu to think about paying!

monsterflake · 12/05/2023 18:52

If they didn't have the money they should either have rearranged for when they did, or spoke to you about it beforehand so you had the option to decline. YANBU