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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I drive my friend's partner to hospital 1.5 hrs away at bullshit-o'clock with little notice?

210 replies

Dustyblue · 12/05/2023 05:19

Actually as soon as I typed that I started to think maybe I am being unreasonable.

My good friend is having a holiday in Italy by herself. Her partner wasn't thrilled about her leaving him for 2 weeks, acted quite juvenile about it really but boo hoo- my friend has dealt with 2 tragedies in the past year and desperately needed some travel and time away to recover and regroup.

Anyway he's hurt his finger and needs minor surgery to repair a tendon. I told my friend I'd drive him to the hospital and pick him up after, thinking it was our local hospital which is literally up the road.

But he's just told me it's another hospital about 90 minutes away with a 5am start. I'd have to miss the day's work and hang around waiting for him.

He could've organised patient transport from hospital to hospital, no idea why he didn't. It's too late now.

I'm going to have to do it aren't I? Only other option I can think of is to drive him there tonight and he can stay at a hotel. Then I can work tomorrow and pick him up afterwards. Arrghh I dont know which is worse. Also DH will have to stay with DC6 if I'm not WFM tomorrow.

WWYD?

OP posts:
Hotfootgoose · 12/05/2023 05:21

You’ve agreed so you’ll have to go. But that guy seriously owes you a favour!

Bloopsie · 12/05/2023 05:23

Welll…you did offer so there has been no reason for him to organise the patient transport. I personally would t have offered in the first place,he is fully grown man,I made my way at 17 on my own between two countries 3000km apart lol.

Frenchfancy · 12/05/2023 05:25

You agreed to one thing, now find out it is another much more inconvenient.

A simple, sorry I can't miss work is required.

Your loyalty is to you friend not her partner.

MrsTerryPratchett · 12/05/2023 05:30

Will he take it out on her? Because I'd rescue my friend, for her sake, but not a lazy, unpleasant dickhead.

SacreBleugh · 12/05/2023 05:35

I'd be well pissed off about this too. He sounds like a baby. He should get himself there and you could offer to pick him
up. Anything else is way beyond the call.

Losingweightissohard · 12/05/2023 05:38

Drop him off the day before he can stay in a hotel the night before.

GrumpyPanda · 12/05/2023 05:38

Bloopsie · 12/05/2023 05:23

Welll…you did offer so there has been no reason for him to organise the patient transport. I personally would t have offered in the first place,he is fully grown man,I made my way at 17 on my own between two countries 3000km apart lol.

He pulled a bait and switch on OP by not informing her of the location beforehand, thus voiding any obligationon her part. His problem. He's hurt his finger not his foot so he can get public transit, if needs be the night before, or get a fucking cab, or he can rearrange the date.

msbevvy · 12/05/2023 05:42

Is he disabled? I haven't heard of hospital transport taking anyone who doesn't have significant mobility issues but maybe things are different where you are.

Is he having a general anaesthetic? If that is the case they might insist that he is taken home by someone so it would be difficult for you to say no.

MRex · 12/05/2023 05:44

It's just a finger, tell him to get himself there by public transport whether the night before or on the morning. Given that you offered, I'd say it's reasonable to pick him up if he has to be escorted home and it's been left too late for transport; did you check how long you have to be with him after the op though and bear that in mind? Check the details before offering favours next time!

Bloopsie · 12/05/2023 05:44

GrumpyPanda · 12/05/2023 05:38

He pulled a bait and switch on OP by not informing her of the location beforehand, thus voiding any obligationon her part. His problem. He's hurt his finger not his foot so he can get public transit, if needs be the night before, or get a fucking cab, or he can rearrange the date.

Show quote history

I would have asked before promising someone a drop off which hospital it is,wouldnt you?

Of course no one can force OP to go she can pull out and say sorry i have other commitments, I dont get why are there so many helpess men around these days (like posts where guys move in with women along with their kids from previous relationships) and this one cant make his own way to the hospital,like wth.

MrsTerryPratchett · 12/05/2023 05:46

MRex · 12/05/2023 05:44

It's just a finger, tell him to get himself there by public transport whether the night before or on the morning. Given that you offered, I'd say it's reasonable to pick him up if he has to be escorted home and it's been left too late for transport; did you check how long you have to be with him after the op though and bear that in mind? Check the details before offering favours next time!

This seems reasonable.

coodawoodashooda · 12/05/2023 05:49

GrumpyPanda · 12/05/2023 05:38

He pulled a bait and switch on OP by not informing her of the location beforehand, thus voiding any obligationon her part. His problem. He's hurt his finger not his foot so he can get public transit, if needs be the night before, or get a fucking cab, or he can rearrange the date.

Show quote history

Yeah. You've been misled. That gives you a free pass to say no and back out . I'd have to say no after being duped.

BeerBot · 12/05/2023 05:50

He could've organised patient transport from hospital to hospital, no idea why he didn't. It's too late now.*

Does he a disability or serious medical condition? Patient transport is for people who have a clinical need. It's not a taxi service

HappiestPenguin · 12/05/2023 05:51

‘Oh I’m sorry Fred, I wish you had told me upfront that it was x hospital. I presumed it was the local one, unfortunately I work on a Friday so there’s no way I can get you there’.

He can get a bus the day before and a hotel, like any functioning adult would.

GoodChat · 12/05/2023 05:52

HappiestPenguin · 12/05/2023 05:51

‘Oh I’m sorry Fred, I wish you had told me upfront that it was x hospital. I presumed it was the local one, unfortunately I work on a Friday so there’s no way I can get you there’.

He can get a bus the day before and a hotel, like any functioning adult would.

Absolutely this.

readbooksdrinktea · 12/05/2023 05:56

HappiestPenguin · 12/05/2023 05:51

‘Oh I’m sorry Fred, I wish you had told me upfront that it was x hospital. I presumed it was the local one, unfortunately I work on a Friday so there’s no way I can get you there’.

He can get a bus the day before and a hotel, like any functioning adult would.

Yep. He sounds like he's suffering from strategic incompetence.

But next time, get the details before you promise anything.

Hurryupandleave · 12/05/2023 05:57

I would just say 'no one told me it wasn't the local hospital, I can't possibly do a 90 minute drive each way, I have to work'. It's a totally fair assumption that it would be your nearest hospital unless specifically informed otherwise so it's his fuck up, let him sort it 🤷🏻‍♀️

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 12/05/2023 06:04

maybe try and get out of it, missing a days work is a big ask but in future don’t offer something when you don’t know what your offering. Offering a lift without knowing when and where they need to go is stupid if you have other commitments.

ShandaLear · 12/05/2023 06:07

Can you drive him to the train or bus station? And he can get himself to the hospital but you pick him up at each end.

tikkanaan · 12/05/2023 06:14

GrumpyPanda · 12/05/2023 05:38

He pulled a bait and switch on OP by not informing her of the location beforehand, thus voiding any obligationon her part. His problem. He's hurt his finger not his foot so he can get public transit, if needs be the night before, or get a fucking cab, or he can rearrange the date.

Show quote history

I think it all depends on the local set up. Where I am there are 3 possibly 4 hospitals someone could attend and so "take me to hospital for my appointment" would usually be met with "which one"

tikkanaan · 12/05/2023 06:15

Bloopsie · 12/05/2023 05:44

I would have asked before promising someone a drop off which hospital it is,wouldnt you?

Of course no one can force OP to go she can pull out and say sorry i have other commitments, I dont get why are there so many helpess men around these days (like posts where guys move in with women along with their kids from previous relationships) and this one cant make his own way to the hospital,like wth.

Show quote history

I agree with this, although I guess it does depend on the size of your local hospital

DisquietintheRanks · 12/05/2023 06:16

If it's an hour and a half away why a 5am start? What time does he need to be there? In any case, it's fine to drop him off and expect him to make his own way home again after.

Original poster
Dustyblue · 12/05/2023 06:20

On the patient transport thing- I think it's because we're a rural location that there's a service available, so I've heard. But yes it makes sense that it would still only be for people who have more problems than a torn finger tendon!

He's acting all 'woe is me' because my friend is away, she's a nurse who would've taken care of him and he's still grumpy she left in the first place.

Because we're in a small town with a flash new multi-million dollar extension to the hospital I genuinely thought he was having it done there. I think my friend did too, or she would've have mentioned he had to travel.

I'm going to call him and float the hotel overnight idea. Public transport would take a while but he could've done it if he'd organised himself earlier.

I'm definitely doing this for my friend so she doesn't cop his stress when she's trying to destress on holiday!

OP posts:
Ladykryptonite · 12/05/2023 06:24

He's a grown man, he should sort his life out, and neither of them should put this on you

AlisonDonut · 12/05/2023 06:25

HappiestPenguin · 12/05/2023 05:51

‘Oh I’m sorry Fred, I wish you had told me upfront that it was x hospital. I presumed it was the local one, unfortunately I work on a Friday so there’s no way I can get you there’.

He can get a bus the day before and a hotel, like any functioning adult would.

OP just do this. Don't get drawn into providing a solution for him. He is a big boy now.