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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I drive my friend's partner to hospital 1.5 hrs away at bullshit-o'clock with little notice?

210 replies

Dustyblue · 12/05/2023 05:19

Actually as soon as I typed that I started to think maybe I am being unreasonable.

My good friend is having a holiday in Italy by herself. Her partner wasn't thrilled about her leaving him for 2 weeks, acted quite juvenile about it really but boo hoo- my friend has dealt with 2 tragedies in the past year and desperately needed some travel and time away to recover and regroup.

Anyway he's hurt his finger and needs minor surgery to repair a tendon. I told my friend I'd drive him to the hospital and pick him up after, thinking it was our local hospital which is literally up the road.

But he's just told me it's another hospital about 90 minutes away with a 5am start. I'd have to miss the day's work and hang around waiting for him.

He could've organised patient transport from hospital to hospital, no idea why he didn't. It's too late now.

I'm going to have to do it aren't I? Only other option I can think of is to drive him there tonight and he can stay at a hotel. Then I can work tomorrow and pick him up afterwards. Arrghh I dont know which is worse. Also DH will have to stay with DC6 if I'm not WFM tomorrow.

WWYD?

OP posts:
Spanielsarepainless · 12/05/2023 10:17

Tell him to get a taxi. There's a lot of CFery around at the moment. Just outrageous.

FlatWhiteExtraHot · 12/05/2023 10:18

gogohmm · 12/05/2023 07:59

Unless he's vulnerable, disabled or low income they do not arrange transport. For a finger there's no reason why he can't use public transport back

How do you and the other posters who have categorically stated this know that?

The OP has already stated she doesn’t live in the U.K. and even if she did, she never mentioned FREE hospital transport. Lots of rural areas have payable transport to hospitals for people who don’t drive as public transport doesn’t get them where they need to be. I know that must be a difficult concept for all those of you in the metropolis, but not impossible to imagine surely.

PinkCast · 12/05/2023 10:22

I'd go with your suggestion of dropping him off the night before and collecting him that evening.
Just say you can't take a day off, so this is the only workable solution. If it doesn't work for him, he'll have to get another lift.

Strawberrydelight78 · 12/05/2023 10:25

No they only offered to drive him to the local hospital. They weren't expecting to have to take a day off work.

PinkCast · 12/05/2023 10:28

PinkCast · 12/05/2023 10:22

I'd go with your suggestion of dropping him off the night before and collecting him that evening.
Just say you can't take a day off, so this is the only workable solution. If it doesn't work for him, he'll have to get another lift.

Committed a cardinal MN sin and didn't RTFT 😳
Well done OP!

SkyandSurf · 12/05/2023 10:42

Doesn't he have any friends of his own to ask?

If I was injured while DH was away it wouldn't occur to me to go through DH's contacts and ask them for a lift. I would make my own way there or ask my own friend/family member before calling in favours from my partner's friend.

Really odd behaviour.

A shame your friend doesn't have a more supportive partner who is happy for her to have some time away after her terrible loses.

She is lucky to have you as a friend.

ThatFraggle · 12/05/2023 10:47

SkyandSurf · 12/05/2023 10:42

Doesn't he have any friends of his own to ask?

If I was injured while DH was away it wouldn't occur to me to go through DH's contacts and ask them for a lift. I would make my own way there or ask my own friend/family member before calling in favours from my partner's friend.

Really odd behaviour.

A shame your friend doesn't have a more supportive partner who is happy for her to have some time away after her terrible loses.

She is lucky to have you as a friend.

It's because in his mind it's his partner's 'job' to do this, and because she's inconvenienced him by not being there, he's punishing her by putting a strain in one of her friendships. And as pp said, she'll think twice next time about not being around to serve him.

2bazookas · 12/05/2023 10:50

I'd reply. "sorry, I thought you meant local hospital; I absolutely do have to be in work yhat morning so can't take him. "

He has friends of his own; and an injured finger can safely travel to hospital on public transport.

Notamum12345577 · 12/05/2023 11:03

Dustyblue · 12/05/2023 07:54

I know, I know. I just blithely/stupidly said yes thinking it was up the road!

Update- Fred called, he's booked a hotel near the hospital & I'm picking him up soon, at 6.30pm our time. So will hopefully be home by 9.30-10pm.

That means I can get in my 6 hrs WFH tomorrow and DH can go to work whilst DC6 stays with me.

He is having a general but only a short one, I reckon he'd be fine to make his own way home, but if necessary myself or DH will go back and get him tomorrow sometime. Best solution I can come up with.

Believe me, I will be having a wine and chat with my friend when she gets back. We know each other well enough that I can say "Girlfriend, seriously- what type of man-child behaviour are you putting up with?"

Thanks again all, wish me luck with Mr Moany. Can see myself cranking the music to drown him out.

Whether the general is short or long, they still won’t want him getting himself home. So afraid it might be another 3 hour round trip for you tomorrow!

SkyandSurf · 12/05/2023 11:04

@ThatFraggle that's my reading of it as well.

Pathetic behaviour by him. Someone who cared about his partner getting the relaxing break she deserved probably wouldn't have even told her about his hurt finger until she returned.

theemmadilemma · 12/05/2023 11:22

I would have done it simply to avoid any shit going my friends way while she was away on a much needed holiday, and for that reason only.

So thank you for that for your friend.

JudgeRinderonTinder · 12/05/2023 11:35

Why is everyone suggesting hotels? By the time he’s paid for a hotel he could have just got a taxi one way.

I wouldn’t take him though, OP.

Silvers11 · 12/05/2023 11:40

I would say that when you offered you didn't realise which hospital. As you have said you would take him, tell him that you can take him tonight and he can stay in a hotel overnight - and that you can pick him up AFTER you have finished work. He'll be able to wait somewhere in the hospital until you arrive. Otherwise you are very sorry, but you won't be able to do so after all.

Silvers11 · 12/05/2023 11:42

Oops! Sorry - just read your most recent response. Glad it is going to work out ok - for your friend's sake!

Dibbydoos · 12/05/2023 12:12

That doesn't sound like a pain-free injury. I remember my son doing it to his thumb. It was called hang thumb! I don't think he can even strap it up and still drive himself. How did he do it? My son punched a wall ie self inflicted.

Does he have any friends/family who could take him?

If not you offered - lesson learnt, get full details before agreeing next time - so bite the bullet.

Luckynumbereight · 12/05/2023 12:15

No way would I take him to hospital 90 minutes away. No way!

Mummyoflittledragon · 12/05/2023 12:17

It’s ridiculous he didn’t get himself to the hotel. It would have been a big ask for anyone to take and collect him 90 mins away same day. I hope your friend dumps him when she’s in a better state of mind as I imagine he isn’t helping her mentally.

MrsTerryPratchett · 12/05/2023 14:36

Oh no, this started with Fred. My friend had already suggested other alternatives (her retired brother lives about 30 mins drive away, he could have done it) but Fred is more comfortable with me apparently.

My friend and I will be having a long chat when she gets home. Me no like Fred anymore.

Only women are allowed to skivvy for him? That's nice.

I'd be having a chat too. But a "I'd do anything for you so don't worry about going away. Fred is a shit" chat. Just in case he uses this as a reason she can't go away.

Poor love.

OrangeBlossomInMay · 13/05/2023 07:00

HappiestPenguin · 12/05/2023 05:51

‘Oh I’m sorry Fred, I wish you had told me upfront that it was x hospital. I presumed it was the local one, unfortunately I work on a Friday so there’s no way I can get you there’.

He can get a bus the day before and a hotel, like any functioning adult would.

You don't have cabs?!

Original poster
Dustyblue · 13/05/2023 07:17

All done, whiney Fred is home and no, I didn't tuck him up in bed and make hot chocolate for him. Yes I went back to collect him when I'd finished work. In for a penny and all that.

This transpired when it was too late for public transport. It's 3hrs 40 mins one-way and he'd almost missed the last bus out of town by this point anyway.

Someone had to drive him. We came up with the best last-minute solution we could and please everyone note we didn't miss work! He paid me $250 (about 135GBP) for petrol which is more than it cost, so money-wise I'm fine. And my Mexican takeaway was freaking delicious. No such thing in our little town.

My friend was horrified when she found out which hospital it was (so he kept that from her too) and is furious with him for putting me in that position. As I said, she's not stupid. Her words were "For a fucking finger!" etc. She insists we put in our duty free orders asap.

We'll talk when she gets back. I think she knows what he's like to a large extent.

Thanks again all, this thread kept my spirits up :)

OP posts:
Original poster
Dustyblue · 13/05/2023 07:26

Oh yeah- apparently our local hospital does have patient transport to other hospitals a few hours away, as a rural medical service. It's not reliant on extent of disability or injury, it's for anyone being sent from that hospital to another for treatment who can't make it there themselves. The public transit really is that woeful.

So there you go, great service really. Shame he didn't use it!

OP posts:
Eleganz · 13/05/2023 07:29

I guess the lesson for you is to make sure you have all the details before agreeing to anything. To assume makes an 'ass' out of 'u' and 'me' after all.

Bluemuf · 13/05/2023 07:30

I'd expect a grown man to make his own arrangements, but you and his wife didn't. You've stepped I and done it for him. There was no need for him to do it because he already had.

It may only be a finger, but I'd be worried about any surgery I was having.

It was perfectly reasonable not to agree but I don't think you can back out once you've agreed.

GrumpyPanda · 13/05/2023 09:00

He paid me $250 (about 135GBP) for petrol which is more than it cost, so money-wise I'm fine.

Not once you include 6 hours salary. You've been taken for a mug OP.

Original poster
Dustyblue · 13/05/2023 09:10

GrumpyPanda · 13/05/2023 09:00

He paid me $250 (about 135GBP) for petrol which is more than it cost, so money-wise I'm fine.

Not once you include 6 hours salary. You've been taken for a mug OP.

I did the 6 hrs today, all good there!

OP posts: