Should I drive my friend's partner to hospital 1.5 hrs away at bullshit-o'clock with little notice?

[Dustyblue]

Actually as soon as I typed that I started to think maybe I am being unreasonable.

My good friend is having a holiday in Italy by herself. Her partner wasn't thrilled about her leaving him for 2 weeks, acted quite juvenile about it really but boo hoo- my friend has dealt with 2 tragedies in the past year and desperately needed some travel and time away to recover and regroup.

Anyway he's hurt his finger and needs minor surgery to repair a tendon. I told my friend I'd drive him to the hospital and pick him up after, thinking it was our local hospital which is literally up the road.

But he's just told me it's another hospital about 90 minutes away with a 5am start. I'd have to miss the day's work and hang around waiting for him.

He could've organised patient transport from hospital to hospital, no idea why he didn't. It's too late now.

I'm going to have to do it aren't I? Only other option I can think of is to drive him there tonight and he can stay at a hotel. Then I can work tomorrow and pick him up afterwards. Arrghh I dont know which is worse. Also DH will have to stay with DC6 if I'm not WFM tomorrow.

WWYD?

He sounds absolutely pathetic and utterly manipulative. Your poor friend. No wonder she wanted to get away from him.

This. I wouldn't entertain wasting a day's holiday for someone who isn't even your own friend. This is not what you offered. If you struggle with saying no either say you can't afford the day off as need it elsewhere or that work have said no due to short notice. As a compromise, and only help your friend relax, I would offer to collect him after work. And to drop him to a nearby hotel the night before. Otherwise he needs to book a taxi for the morning.

Given your update then yes he's an arse who should have thought to tell you much sooner which one when asking for a lift.

I would have said, I'm sorry I thought you meant the local hospital. I can't take you to that one because I have work.

Did you mean to say you wfh? Is it possible to drive him there and take a laptop and work remotely while you wait? I see you would still then have a childcare issue. I can see you are doing it for your friend but if she didn’t realise it was so far away it may be worth explaining to her the problems it will cause and she might not expect you to do it in these circumstances.

This is all that needs saying.

When is this?

If it's today/ tomorrow you have to do it really. 2 or more days away is enough time to sort something.

He sounds like a d*ck.

Not a hope in hell would I waste a day off work doing this.

As someone else sensibly suggested, tell the truth.

"I didn't realise it was at x hospital. I'm working so obviously won't be able to help you."

He cannot seriously expect you to take a day's leave for his finger. Even if he does, don't. As for making things better for your friend...their relationship is not for you to manage, although I can understand why you would want to save her hassle. It's a day's leave - priceless! It's not for you to sacrifice. Say no.

You can't seriously be thinking about missing a days work for this? It's his finger, he can walk to get public transport- I can't believe he's asking!

Does he not have any friends or family? Why is he relying on you; his GF's friend?

I broke my arm on Sunday and today I'm getting a train to college and back, it's an hour's journey each way! He could have got public transport there but if he's having a GA or sedation then a person will have to pick him up.

Now you've committed I'd take him, take a day off work and go and do some thing nice like shopping/cinema. But I'd be cross with him!

Another one surprised that patient transport is a door to door service for otherwise capable adults.

Really not your problem. It was nice of you to offer but you've been misled, possibly deliberately. A simple 'I'm really sorry I thought it was the local hospital which would have been fine but i have important work obligations that I can't miss on Friday, you should have been clearer' will do the trick.

Pre warn your friend and tell her to turn her phone off!

It’s interesting that your friend needed ‘time away’ from her husband to feel better. Sounds like he is part of her stress.

This is a massive favour. Giving up a day’s leave? Putting up with Mr Whingey for a three hour drive and longer in a waiting room? Has he offered petrol money?

Should have said I'm in Aus, it's Fri 3.30pm here. He needs to be there tomorrow morning at 6.30am.

Public transport is shite here, but I checked the timetables he could take from his house to the train station near the hospital. It's a 3hr 40 min journey. Or a 90 min drive. Personally I'd take a good book and have a nice stay in a hotel o/night.

Yes, I guess I could go in the morning and work at the hospital cafe or something, but DH was hoping to work tomorrow (self employed) so he'd have to mind DC instead.

I've called and left a message for "Fred". He'd better call me back soon.

Thanks again for all the suggestions :)

He sounds like a total waste of space and your friend needs to get rid. When is the operation? Can't he organise his transport now? I wouldn't take a day off work to do this for someone who is clearly such hard work.

I wondered this. Hospital transport is only for people who can't get them selves there because of disability, medical
Issues or because they really can't use public transport.

It quite possibility isn't, that's what he said so ahem, might not be true I'm thinking.

How can he be so entitled
that he is ok with you missing work to help him out? I can’t imagine doing such a thing. Wow.

That would be a big no for me. Especially after the way he treated your friend, he sounds very entitled.

I disagree that you've committed yourself to taking him. If he had a broken leg it would be different, but he has an injured finger.
The way to phrase it is: "I misunderstood. I assumed you meant the local hospital, not the one 90 minutes away", because that's more diplomatic than saying you he pulled a bait and switch on you, even though that seems to be what he did.
.

He sounds insufferable

I would be embarrassed to even ask you to put yourself out like that.

And even tho he wasn’t honest I think you have sort of committed yourself now.

I think I’d take him but say he needs to get back on public transport. He can decide himself if that would be easier the next day and so book a hotel.

You are babysitting a grown man who isn’t even your relative. He sounds pathetic.

Hand on a minute, did the husband even ask for a lift in the first place?

OP says I told my friend I'd drive him to the hospital and pick him up after, thinking it was our local hospital which is literally up the road so it looks like it was organised through the friend & not him, so if anyone pulled a bait & switch, it was the friend!

The husband is getting a lot of stick on here but I’m wondering if he even asked for a lift in the first place; it sounds like the friend told OP about then the operation, OP then volunteered, friend told her husband who probably assumed OP was aware of the details from his wife, so he didn’t make alternative arrangements.

OP did you arrange this directly with Fred in the beginning or with your friend? Not sure he should be getting any grief if it was was all decided between OP & her friend!

He can take a bloody taxi. Will it cost a lot? Yes. Will it cost as much as a day's work for you? Probably not. Why are you taking the hit?

Oh no, this started with Fred. My friend had already suggested other alternatives (her retired brother lives about 30 mins drive away, he could have done it) but Fred is more comfortable with me apparently.

My friend and I will be having a long chat when she gets home. Me no like Fred anymore.