Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I drive my friend's partner to hospital 1.5 hrs away at bullshit-o'clock with little notice?

210 replies

Dustyblue · 12/05/2023 05:19

Actually as soon as I typed that I started to think maybe I am being unreasonable.

My good friend is having a holiday in Italy by herself. Her partner wasn't thrilled about her leaving him for 2 weeks, acted quite juvenile about it really but boo hoo- my friend has dealt with 2 tragedies in the past year and desperately needed some travel and time away to recover and regroup.

Anyway he's hurt his finger and needs minor surgery to repair a tendon. I told my friend I'd drive him to the hospital and pick him up after, thinking it was our local hospital which is literally up the road.

But he's just told me it's another hospital about 90 minutes away with a 5am start. I'd have to miss the day's work and hang around waiting for him.

He could've organised patient transport from hospital to hospital, no idea why he didn't. It's too late now.

I'm going to have to do it aren't I? Only other option I can think of is to drive him there tonight and he can stay at a hotel. Then I can work tomorrow and pick him up afterwards. Arrghh I dont know which is worse. Also DH will have to stay with DC6 if I'm not WFM tomorrow.

WWYD?

OP posts:
Marmalady75 · 13/05/2023 09:14

I think @GrumpyPanda meant the 6 hours of your life you gave up to drive him about, not your actual job.

Bretoncrepes789 · 13/05/2023 09:16

GrumpyPanda · 13/05/2023 09:00

He paid me $250 (about 135GBP) for petrol which is more than it cost, so money-wise I'm fine.

Not once you include 6 hours salary. You've been taken for a mug OP.

The op has just stated in her post this morning that she went to pick him up after work.

Bretoncrepes789 · 13/05/2023 09:26

Well it’s six hours of leisure time she wouldn’t have been paid for ordinarily, so she hasn’t lost wages. She’s lost free time though. And she was extremely kind to do it.

Op you sound absolutely lovely to me for doing this for your friend and not her whiny husband. By doing this, his dependency has been exposed and highlighted outside of the confines of the couple.

Your friend has already made a bid for freedom by taking a solo holiday and you have supported her doing that. Hopefully this will make a few waves and something positive will come out of your kindness. It usually does.

Emotionalsupportviper · 13/05/2023 10:48

If this has opened your friend's eyes to what an absolute melt her "D"P is, it will be worth your effort.

custardbear · 13/05/2023 10:54

I'd have to say no as I couldn't just take a day off work like that, up the road fair enough but not a day off work and 3 hours plus waiting all day - if he's having a general will he need someone to stay over night too - does he have family?

Mouk · 13/05/2023 11:02

His finger! Let him make his own way there.

YANBU at all!

HadEnough2023 · 13/05/2023 11:07

He can still drive it's a finger, I've dislocated fingers before and still driven. YANBU.

Harkonen · 13/05/2023 14:23

HadEnough2023 · 13/05/2023 11:07

He can still drive it's a finger, I've dislocated fingers before and still driven. YANBU.

Your insurance may not have been valid though.

NewLifter · 13/05/2023 14:56

Well tbh if my DH had swanned off on his own on holiday halfway across the world and left me to travel such a long way for surgery, I would be feeling a bit sorry for myself too. It sounds like your friend asked you to drive him so its all a bit of miscommunication really, if I was asked to give someone a lift I would immediately be asking for details before agreeing so I could work out if I could make it work. It is a bit strange that this didn't happen.

The fact that your friend is saying he should have got public transport to and from an op is, imo, quite heartless actually. Personally I would have happily helped in this situation.

NewLifter · 13/05/2023 14:57

HadEnough2023 · 13/05/2023 11:07

He can still drive it's a finger, I've dislocated fingers before and still driven. YANBU.

Well, that was a bit stupid! Are you one of those mumsnetters who get 16 portions out of a small cooked chicken by any chance?

MrsTerryPratchett · 13/05/2023 15:51

NewLifter · 13/05/2023 14:56

Well tbh if my DH had swanned off on his own on holiday halfway across the world and left me to travel such a long way for surgery, I would be feeling a bit sorry for myself too. It sounds like your friend asked you to drive him so its all a bit of miscommunication really, if I was asked to give someone a lift I would immediately be asking for details before agreeing so I could work out if I could make it work. It is a bit strange that this didn't happen.

The fact that your friend is saying he should have got public transport to and from an op is, imo, quite heartless actually. Personally I would have happily helped in this situation.

He had the options of public transport, patient transport or a relative of his (male).

He chose the female friend of his partner for some reason. I suspect that reason was to use a women as a support-bot and to make his partner feel bad. He should have said, "oh BTW it's Town General not Village Local" right at the start. The miscommunication was all him. I also suspect deliberately.

You can choose to be a mug, that's OK for you to do. But encouraging other women to be mugs is part of the structure that keeps women down.

artsperson · 13/05/2023 18:24

Taxi.

Eyesopenwideawake · 13/05/2023 18:30

Fred can drive himself with 7 fingers and 2 thumbs.

Undethetree · 13/05/2023 18:36

Calmost definitely coercive control. He's even coerced you! Your friend is clearly unhappy in the relationship but probably doesn't see it or know exactly why. Do some research and be there for her.

Jellyx · 13/05/2023 18:43

Could you offer to only do one of the legs? I'd suggest dropping him off, given the odd time, and then he can make his own way home.

grandehorizontale · 13/05/2023 18:50

The same thing happened to me the other day - also with a hospital appointment for someone - and I spent the two days before chewing a wasp. But after I had done it, I thought - what is the big deal about doing someone a favour? Just suck it up.

newtoallthisshizzle · 13/05/2023 18:51

Hospitals usually expect patients who’ve been in for day surgery to be escorted home so I think you should suggest he gets himself there in the morning and be available in the afternoon to collect him. I’ve had surgeries where they won’t release me from hospital without calling a friend (whose number was provided prior to surgery) and telling them I’m ready to be collected. It can make it really difficult if there isn’t someone collecting the patient. One nurse had to stay on the day ward by herself with me after hours because my friend didn’t collect me for another two hours from the call. I was NOT popular that day. And learn in future not to agree to anything for a man child unless you’re really explicitly clear what it entails…..

ThatFraggle · 13/05/2023 18:54

grandehorizontale · 13/05/2023 18:50

The same thing happened to me the other day - also with a hospital appointment for someone - and I spent the two days before chewing a wasp. But after I had done it, I thought - what is the big deal about doing someone a favour? Just suck it up.

Ok then. Can you drive me two hours at the crack of dawn. Just suck it up.

He could have asked his own friends for a favour. He could have asked his brother in law who is retired. He could have used hospital transport. He could have used a taxi. He could have used public transport. He chose to inconvenience OP who is not his friend, but his wife's. He also pulled a switcheroo, deliberately not saying it is not the local hospital.

Snippit · 13/05/2023 18:55

I think your going to have to suck it up and take him, they owe you big style that’s for sure. Perhaps child mind for the weekend and you have a lovely break.

I had a similar dilemma when my husband took ill whilst on business in Italy, he had a tooth abscess. He said he’s coming home on the next available flight, I presumed to the airport I dropped him off at, East Midlands.

Unfortunately the next available flight was landing at Bristol, we live near Sheffield. I suggested he get the train home, he wasn’t happy and I had to collect him, he was very ill and he really is a tough cookie. I could have died, I absolutely hate motorway driving. But I thought it’s not so bad he always takes over the driving on the return journey. Unfortunately he was in so much pain I had to drive home as well 😝

MrsTerryPratchett · 13/05/2023 18:57

Why don't people RTFT?

She already went and came back.

Fluffmum · 13/05/2023 19:34

You agreed just suck it up.

PinkCast · 13/05/2023 19:35

Fluffmum · 13/05/2023 19:34

You agreed just suck it up.

If you'd read, even half of, the thread you would see she did & it's all over and done with!

helpplease01 · 13/05/2023 19:47

No. I wound not do it. Fine if a lift to the local hospital. Not if it's that distance away and you have to take the day off! WTF is wrong with this man baby!!! Jesus, he should just get a taxi!

mrsbyers · 13/05/2023 21:03

If he’s being put to sleep he will have to have someone pick him up

lmw124 · 13/05/2023 21:48

This is interesting, I have recently encountered someone in Melbourne who was unimpressed with his girlfriend off to Italy without him. But, my understanding was it was for a month, as far as I know he can drive and doesn't live rurally so should be no reason to need to travel so far.

Swipe left for the next trending thread