Should I drive my friend's partner to hospital 1.5 hrs away at bullshit-o'clock with little notice?

[Dustyblue]

Actually as soon as I typed that I started to think maybe I am being unreasonable.

My good friend is having a holiday in Italy by herself. Her partner wasn't thrilled about her leaving him for 2 weeks, acted quite juvenile about it really but boo hoo- my friend has dealt with 2 tragedies in the past year and desperately needed some travel and time away to recover and regroup.

Anyway he's hurt his finger and needs minor surgery to repair a tendon. I told my friend I'd drive him to the hospital and pick him up after, thinking it was our local hospital which is literally up the road.

But he's just told me it's another hospital about 90 minutes away with a 5am start. I'd have to miss the day's work and hang around waiting for him.

He could've organised patient transport from hospital to hospital, no idea why he didn't. It's too late now.

I'm going to have to do it aren't I? Only other option I can think of is to drive him there tonight and he can stay at a hotel. Then I can work tomorrow and pick him up afterwards. Arrghh I dont know which is worse. Also DH will have to stay with DC6 if I'm not WFM tomorrow.

WWYD?

Unless he's vulnerable, disabled or low income they do not arrange transport. For a finger there's no reason why he can't use public transport back

"I'll pick you up at 3 a.m. and drop you off at 4.30 a.m. so I have time to get back to work. If you get the 4 p.m. bus back to XXX (here's the timetable), I can pick you up if you'd like"

He has plenty of time to contact his brother to organise a lift home.
You've done your share.
Oh dear. My car has developed a fault and can't be driven...here you go, Fred...timetables for the local trains/buses and YOUR BLOODY BROTHERS NUMBER.

Dear Lord, it's only an injured finger! The title implied he was seriously ill, in which case "yes, of course you should take him". But obviously he can get taxis/public transport and I'm astonished he made such a fuss and expected anyone else to get involved.

Glad he's getting a hotel, you're a very good friend.
But just so you know after a GA he will need transport home with someone and someone to stay with him for 24 hours?! I assume he hasn't thought this but through... (not saying this is your issue just letting you know so you don't end up in that position!!)

Wow - you're actually doing it?
Like everyone else, i don't understand why you feel so 'committed' to an arrangement made entirely without informed consent.
Let the retired brother pick him up after the op, if he's too impatient to use public transport/ useless to organise patient transport/ unwilling to pay for a taxi.
Speaking of which, I sincerely hope he already offered to cover the full cost of your fuel for this 3 hr round trip. Otherwise he's even more of an arrogant, selfish piss-taker.

(Patient transport is meant to be there for anyone who needs it - which might well include people living in rural areas who don't have decent public transport/ their own car, or if they do have them, won't be able to use them because of their medical condition - so please ignore the posters who think it's only for elderly folk!)

I don't know... I've had 'Day Surgery' before where I was under GA for 15 mins and they were fine to let me leave by taxi once I was stable.

But actually you're right- I've done this the wrong way around. Would've have been better to pick him up rather than get him there.

Too late now.

He’s a manipulative piece of shit determined to ruin your friend’s trip by making her feel bad and never going anywhere again. Don’t let him.

dustyblue I have two friends with very similar partners.
I see these dickheads.

Nobody would do this. And nobody would expect you to do this. It’s ludicrous that you would miss work to drive someone you are not related to nor sleeping with to hospital for minor surgery when he could easily call a cab. Even though you volunteered, it’s perfectly understandable to change your mind given the lack of clarity. Why do people think decisions are always final? Mostly they aren’t. Stop being such a people pleaser!

it's not too late for your car to break down!
(a genius suggestion from a previous poster)
seriously - taxis run all night - he can still book one

Tell him you can't get time off work

That’s a lesson for all of us - don’t make promises without getting all the fine details first!

It's a done deal now. At least I and DH still get in our work days.

Fred did insist on paying for petrol and I won't hesitate to accept. And I'll strongly suggest he make his own way home. A GA that short won't stop him getting a taxi.

There's a couple of great takeaway shops on route, I might treat myself to dinner on the way back.

But yes, at the end of the story- I can now see what a manipulative little bastard he is. I had my suspicions and they've been well confirmed.

He's a perfectly healthy man with a sore finger. Why does he need to be driven there?

I remember being a teenager travelling thousands of miles alone. Why can't a grown man organise this for himself.

Ideal solution is he gets himself there like a normal human being.

After the operation pick up? Fine. Retired BIL can come get him.

Uncomfortable with BIL? Then he can wait at the hospital until after you finish work.

This is weaponized incompetence and like pp said, is being done to punish his partner for having a fun time away from him. All this is eating into what is meant to be her relaxing holiday too.

It’s coercive control. She’ll never dare go away again for fear of having her friends upset and messed around by Fred’s actions. He’s a shit partner. Least you know what she is putting up with at home living with hurt finger Fred.

Maybe the finger will be the final straw for her and Fred!

You offered so you should. Can you take your laptop and work from there?

He would not have been eligible for patient transport.

OP lives rurally in another country and said he would have been.

FGS no I wouldnt be driving him if it turned out the hospital was now miles away and I had to take a day's annual leave off work- thats ridiculous.

Ive had to make my own way to plenty of hospital appointments over the years and if I can get a lift or drive myself- great! but if I cant, then its up to me to get a taxi or whatever. He's a grown adult man and he is perfectly capable of using the phone to call a taxi. He sounds like a huge needy cry baby.

I'd absolutely say this.

Let us hope. That would be ideal I think.

It's just that my friend has had so much loss (her sibling and adult child both died last year) that I'm thinking she doesn't want more upheaval, or loss or grief.

But she's no fool and quite tough. She owns her house (Fred pays rent), separate finances etc.

We'll talk when she gets back, I just want her to enjoy herself right now.

Off to pick up Fred shortly, thinking of what music I'm going to drown him out with.

I wouldn't be missing work for this CF.

I would suggest listening the the greatest hits of BadFinger?

Tbh I’d do a man-baby who treated his partner like that no favours whatsoever. Tell him to make his own way and think better about treating your friend like shit.