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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I drive my friend's partner to hospital 1.5 hrs away at bullshit-o'clock with little notice?

210 replies

Dustyblue · 12/05/2023 05:19

Actually as soon as I typed that I started to think maybe I am being unreasonable.

My good friend is having a holiday in Italy by herself. Her partner wasn't thrilled about her leaving him for 2 weeks, acted quite juvenile about it really but boo hoo- my friend has dealt with 2 tragedies in the past year and desperately needed some travel and time away to recover and regroup.

Anyway he's hurt his finger and needs minor surgery to repair a tendon. I told my friend I'd drive him to the hospital and pick him up after, thinking it was our local hospital which is literally up the road.

But he's just told me it's another hospital about 90 minutes away with a 5am start. I'd have to miss the day's work and hang around waiting for him.

He could've organised patient transport from hospital to hospital, no idea why he didn't. It's too late now.

I'm going to have to do it aren't I? Only other option I can think of is to drive him there tonight and he can stay at a hotel. Then I can work tomorrow and pick him up afterwards. Arrghh I dont know which is worse. Also DH will have to stay with DC6 if I'm not WFM tomorrow.

WWYD?

OP posts:
Sevenbells · 12/05/2023 08:41

No Scrubs by TLC to start with...

AllOfThemWitches · 12/05/2023 08:43

Well OP you've painted him as an absolute twat and thrown in 'he hurt his finger' for good measure, so I guess you want people to say... don't take him?

GoodChat · 12/05/2023 08:44

AllOfThemWitches · 12/05/2023 08:43

Well OP you've painted him as an absolute twat and thrown in 'he hurt his finger' for good measure, so I guess you want people to say... don't take him?

Well he is an absolute twat and he has hurt his finger

Original poster
Dustyblue · 12/05/2023 08:46

Thanks all, even those who haven't RTFT.

I'm off soon, thanks again :)

OP posts:
cordelia16 · 12/05/2023 08:48

LokiDoki75 · 12/05/2023 08:40

I would suggest listening the the greatest hits of BadFinger?

😂😂

Bretoncrepes789 · 12/05/2023 08:57

Oh fhs. My partner had fairly complex gall bladder surgery and the day afterwards, I was just gathering my things to go and pick him up from hospital in a taxi, and he turned up at the door having got himself home on the tube!

Has your friend’s partner no shame?

And - possibly separate question for a separate thread - what is happening to men nowadays? I think I preferred it when they were strong, independent and competent.

Sevenbells · 12/05/2023 09:00

And - possibly separate question for a separate thread - what is happening to men nowadays? I think I preferred it when they were strong, independent and competent.

I am wondering this too. Women are going from strength to strength in the world and men aren't changing, they still expect everyone to service them and sort out their basic needs. Yes yes #notallmen. But certainly this one.

MintyCedric · 12/05/2023 09:03

Have a good drive and enjoy your takeaway - you sound like a great friend.

Fred OTOH is a monumental piss artist.

Dreamwatchwait · 12/05/2023 09:05

Take him , come home and start work and he can get an Uber back ?

GMsAWinner · 12/05/2023 09:05

Given you had no idea if was so far away, I think you're entitled to say no - you've got a good excuse as you can't take most of the day off work.

When DD was a student, she got herself to hospital on two buses for what ended up being an emergency operation in her central core (couldn't afford a taxi). If a 19 year old can do that, so can a grown man

Twobyfour · 12/05/2023 09:07

This reply has been withdrawn

Message withdrawn - posted on wrong thread

Twobyfour · 12/05/2023 09:08

Wrong thread!

notacooldad · 12/05/2023 09:10

Oh I’m sorry Fred, I wish you had told me upfront that it was x hospital. I presumed it was the local one, unfortunately I work on a Friday so there’s no way I can get you there’.
This would have been my response.
I taught y teens years ago to get all the facts before making any agreements after Ds1 agreed to do a shift swop in a part time job he had. In his naivety he jut said yes not realising the swop was on a huge presentation night he was looking forward to. To make things worse the guy he swooped with was also going t the same event but son didn’t know this.
Since then DS always wants all tThe facts nd tellers people he will get back to them with decision.

viques · 12/05/2023 09:16

@Dustyblue Shame your car has developed engine problems and that the garage can’t get the parts until Monday isn’t it?

ThatFraggle · 12/05/2023 09:16

notacooldad · 12/05/2023 09:10

Oh I’m sorry Fred, I wish you had told me upfront that it was x hospital. I presumed it was the local one, unfortunately I work on a Friday so there’s no way I can get you there’.
This would have been my response.
I taught y teens years ago to get all the facts before making any agreements after Ds1 agreed to do a shift swop in a part time job he had. In his naivety he jut said yes not realising the swop was on a huge presentation night he was looking forward to. To make things worse the guy he swooped with was also going t the same event but son didn’t know this.
Since then DS always wants all tThe facts nd tellers people he will get back to them with decision.

What ended up happening? Did son miss the event?

shammalammadingdong · 12/05/2023 09:22

GrumpyPanda · 12/05/2023 05:38

He pulled a bait and switch on OP by not informing her of the location beforehand, thus voiding any obligationon her part. His problem. He's hurt his finger not his foot so he can get public transit, if needs be the night before, or get a fucking cab, or he can rearrange the date.

Show quote history

Did he though? Or did OP assume?

HairyMcHairyFace · 12/05/2023 09:24

Wilma needs to dump Fred as soon as she gets home.

notacooldad · 12/05/2023 09:28

ThatFraggle.
Yes he missed the event.
He asked me what he should do and I said he had to make his own decision but to remember that any choices he makes in life is reflection of his character.
He was gutted but said that he made an agreement. Since then he always thinks twice before he commits to anything.

Most of the time things are no problem but he learned to give himself breathing space before making a commitment.

willWillSmithsmith · 12/05/2023 09:33

I really don’t see why you can’t say ‘sorry I won’t be able to do it now you’ve told me it’s a different hospital’. It’s his finger not his legs why can’t he sort himself out?

ThatFraggle · 12/05/2023 09:34

notacooldad · 12/05/2023 09:28

ThatFraggle.
Yes he missed the event.
He asked me what he should do and I said he had to make his own decision but to remember that any choices he makes in life is reflection of his character.
He was gutted but said that he made an agreement. Since then he always thinks twice before he commits to anything.

Most of the time things are no problem but he learned to give himself breathing space before making a commitment.

Sad that he missed the event, but he learnt a valuable lesson he will never forget.

Wishimaywishimight · 12/05/2023 09:39

What is so hard about saying "Oh, I thought it was X hospital. I would need to take the day off work to take you to Y hospital which is just not possible."

How is your friend's partner your problem? I'm all for helping out where the need/request is reasonable but this is not the case here.

Treessquirrels · 12/05/2023 09:47

Sorry, I would just say no!
He’s a grown up and get himself to hospital, then use public transport/hospital transport to get home.
We he not have to stay overnight if no one home to keep an eye on him.
In fact I wouldn’t even drive that far for a friend. And wouldn’t except anyone other then partner to help.

determinedtomakethiswork · 12/05/2023 09:48

When you offer to drop someone off at hospital, you don't offer to give up a day's wage! I would just say it's impossible to have a day off. It's his finger for crying out loud! He can take public transport

ThatFraggle · 12/05/2023 09:54

determinedtomakethiswork · 12/05/2023 09:48

When you offer to drop someone off at hospital, you don't offer to give up a day's wage! I would just say it's impossible to have a day off. It's his finger for crying out loud! He can take public transport

Exactly. Would you take out £200 from the cash machine, or however much you earn daily and say, 'here's a little something for you!'?

Because that's what you're doing.

HappyMe6 · 12/05/2023 10:15

He’s a grown man ffs! It’s a finger not his arm hanging off! Why can’t he get there himself.